(Closed) Would you tell your FI if this happened to you?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What would you do?
    Tell your FI what happened and how you feel. : (59 votes)
    88 %
    Don't tell your FI anything. You only see them once a year... Not a big deal. : (6 votes)
    9 %
    You are totally over-reacting! : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Other... please explain. : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think you should tell him because it’s obviously making you uncomfortable. Also if it was a work function that’s still considered sexual harassment. Not that you are going to get him fired or want to, but I think your Fiance should know and you should also talk to him so that he may better know to listen to you the next time you go to him for help avoiding a creeper

    Post # 4
    Member
    4824 posts
    Honey bee

    Is this the first time?

    Your fiance was tipsy and encouraged it and couldnt see what was going on, so lets extend the same cicumstances to the other guy and assume he didnt know what was going on (his inappropriateness).

    Just let him know that the guy was a little too eager to dance with you, but assuming this is the first time he was like that, let it pass. 

    It is his job and you dont want his work to be compromised because nothing happened and someone had bad judgement due to alcohol, your Fiance had bad judgement too by encouraging it.

    Unless this is a regular occurance. In that case you need to determine what you can do to avoid him in the future.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1212 posts
    Bumble bee

    you’re saying it made you uncomfortable. If it made you feel icky I say for sure tell your bf. there is NO need to put up with icky feelings. You should be able to tell your bf when a guy treats you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    What reasons do you have for not telling him? If it matters to you, it matters. Especially if you go to functions in the future, and your man is seemingly clueless about things. You can bring this up to him, tell him when you say no to someone, you mean no, and for him to let this be a reason why he needs to respect your decision NOT to dance with someone instead of pushing you towards it.

    Your Fiance can’t know it bothers you if you don’t speak up. Your Fiance can’t prevent it in the future if he is busy having on man-blinders. Men are totally in the dark about these sorts of things sometimes. I have to spell out things for my husband on a frequent basis so he sees where I’m coming from, and he’s usually appreciative when I open up. Don’t make him defensive by saying he did the wrong thing, just bring the situation to light, and say you would like to avoid it in the future, be it with this creep or anyone else. He will totally be supportive of you, and not say you are over reacting.

    Now, in terms of his reaction TO the coworker, he might go through the same motions of asking what to do about it in the same terms you laid out. Like “Should i  mention it to c/w? He would only see her once a year, but I have to work with him everyday, etc.” If you foresee that being an issue for him, it might be helpful for you to ask yourself what your expectations of him are in terms of his relationship with this guy. If you are fine with him letting it go between the two of them, tell him so. If not, gently explain why.

    Do you have a plan in mind just yet? Leaning a particular way?

    Post # 7
    Member
    2981 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I’d tell my Darling Husband if this happened to me. If some old creepo was making comments that made me uncomfortable I won’t keep silent about it. Doesn’t matter if they’re co-workers, family, strangers, whatever.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2442 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I think you should tell him, but tell him in a low key kind of way – if that makes any sense.  You don’t want him to be uncomfortable at work with the guy, but he should be made aware of this so that in the future he won’t be pushing you off to dance with people you would rather not dance with.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    748 posts
    Busy bee

    You should tell your Fiance. He probably didn’t realize what the guy was doing because he was tipsy. You can just say that you were uncomfortable with it and next time just ask him not to encourage you to dance with anyone, instead to trust that you will make your own decisions. You definitely shouldn’t keep it a secret, otherwise he might make you more uncomfortable next time or put you in a dangerous situation.

    Post # 10
    Member
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @2ndtime:   Bingo! I used too many words, but this is a more succinct version of what I was getting at.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2731 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I would definitely say something.

    Post # 13
    Member
    12976 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If it makes you uncomfortable, then you should tell him.  Nothing good comes from keeping things hidden from each other.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @FutureMrsTimmins:  I think you are making the right decision. You thinking of his work relationship is also very considerate of you. But in the end, he’s marrying you, and ultimately cares about you more than he will this guy. I think he’ll appreciate your honesty more than he’ll be annoyed at knowing the truth.

    The topic ‘Would you tell your FI if this happened to you?’ is closed to new replies.

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