(Closed) Would you tell your FI

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I think its best that you be honest with him, this is hard though and theres probably a chance of him getting hurt (but only you know him).. unless you want to cringe for the rest of your life or you think you can grow to love it.

how bad can it be to make you cringe though?!

Post # 4
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My grandma told me something last year that stuck:  you have to learn how your husband operates.  Her issue was the paint in the house.  He had decided to paint the walls of the house one day in the 50’s this hideous color while she was at work.  She knew nagging or complaining wouldn’t work, so about a month later she remarked over breakfast: “You know, I think the kitchen would look so bright if the walls were yellow.”  And that was it.

1 month later he painted them.  She never brought it up again. 🙂

So I would suggest how you normally talk about issues which bother you to him is how to handle the ring.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, because in my opinion, jewelry is an extension of yourself.  Especially a wedding/engagement ring.  So find a way to gingerly remark to him that you are crazy about him, so happy to get married… but you were wondering if you could spice up and personalize the ring to fit something you could match with everything and every facet of YOU. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

if it was me… probably. i think he may be hurt by it, but i think in the end we would be laughing about it.

Post # 6
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I wouldn’t say anything unless I seriously loathed it. For me, my taste changes so often that I’d bet there was a good possibility I would grow to love it, especially because I know it came completely from him, something he chose as a symbol of our commitment to each other. You should not have to cringe every time you look at your engagement ring, though, so if your distaste for it really is that strong, and has been for a good while, then of course you should say something. As artichokesalad said, though, you have to know your Fiance and whether this would hurt him. If he’s likely to be hurt, I’d add that as another huge reason to try to let it grow on you and delay saying anything. If you just can’t stand it and you’re sure that won’t change, then tell him that you love that he picked out a ring for you and are incredibly grateful for it but that you have to admit it isn’t quite your style and would love it if the two of you could pick something new out together. It’s almost inevitable that he will be at least a little bit hurt. so of course be careful and try to emphasize how much you loved that he made the effort to pick out a ring without your help the first time around.

Post # 8
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I think as long as its about style and not $$ then there shouldnt be a problem. because its not like youre expecting him to spend more on something he would feel pressured to getting without being able to afford it. I dont see why he would NOT listen to your concerns!

 

it sounds pretty though.

Post # 9
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would just be nice about it : )

Post # 10
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I would just tell him, and approach the subject with caution. I would suggest that you keep your center stone, and simply finding a new setting that you like. Say how much you loved how he picked out the stone, so you want to keep it, but that the ring just isn’t your style, and it’s not his fault. Just say you wanted to be completely honest with him because you never want to lie.

Post # 11
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Tough one, I feel you. Fiance didn’t follow some of the “directions” I gave him to get me a ring that doesn’t sit high and that has a thin, comfortable band. I got a ring that sits high and, guess, has a thick band. My issues are slightly different (comfort not style), and I’ve just grown used to it.

It sounds like he got you a ring that is pretty expensive, and is pretty popular right now. You are in a better situation than some of the girls who want an “upgrade,” because you aren’t innadvertently questioning the ammount he spent. Also, because the ring sounds like a popular design, be probably didn’t specially design it, but took the suggestion of the jeweler. Therefore, you probably also aren’t questioning a major expression of his taste (which is what I would be doing if I told him my initial dissapointment in his choices with my custom ring *sigh*).

Basically, I think you have greater flexibility in letting him know how you feel. One way to approach it may be to suggest a way to use the little diamonds. How would you feel if they were put in a channel in the band? Or in a channel on your wedding band? Coming up with something like that may ease things a little.

Post # 12
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

I will say, I wasn’t a huge fan of my ring and I said something to him, it resulted in one of the worst fights we’ve ever had and it really hurt him (although, truthfully, I feel like it was partly his fault since he disregarded all the things I said I liked for my ring.)

I think if you really don’t like it, you should say something but just be prepared and figure out a way to do it an gently as possible…

Good luck! 

Also, you could always hold out until your 1st anni and then ask to get it reset just for fun!

Post # 13
Member
2058 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Honesty is the best policy for me – no matter what the situation is. I say that because no matter what everytime someone asks about your ring, if your FH isn’t around you’re going to be honest with that person if the conversation goes there. I think there is a tactful way to talk about anything and everything – I am a huge communication is key person…You will find a way to communicate to him that will keep his feelings and emotions in the front of your mind….

Post # 14
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think it depends – did you tell him what you like and didn’t like ahead of time? If you did and he disregarded it, I think it’s fair to bring it up in a nice way. However, if you never told him that you dislike clustered rings, how could he possibly have known? We all decide whether we want to give our Fiance an idea of what to buy or be completely surprised. If it’s the latter, one of the risks you take is getting a ring that wasn’t what you expected. 

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