(Closed) Would you tell your SO if you cheated?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you tell your SO if you cheated?
    Yes : (84 votes)
    49 %
    No : (43 votes)
    25 %
    Maybe : (35 votes)
    20 %
    Other : (11 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1986 posts
    Buzzing bee

    We would tell each other.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1537 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Yes. We have a rule that honesty is the best policy. If my SO cheated on me the only way, and I mean ONLY way, for him to try to make things better would be to come clean. Honesty is one of the single most important components of a relationship and if that gets betrayed as well then you can forget things going smoothly in the future. Because I expect that from my SO I would do the same for him. If you’re cheating than obviously some serious discussions need to take place to figure out the cause and lying will only make things worse.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1986 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I am shocked at all the no’s.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5784 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I really don’t know. Also are we talking sex only here? If I got drunk at my bachelorette and kissed some random I would NOT tell him (I don’t plan on this happening haha).

    Post # 8
    Member
    2714 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Yes. I will admit on here that I kissed another dude when Fiance and I were still dating. I felt so guilty and told him about it a week later. At that point I was unhappy in our relationship and honestly didn’t think that it was going to last so I didn’t see the harm in macking it with some dude.

    We talked it through and I’m glad that I came clean. If I hadn’t we probably would have just let the relationship fizzle instead of talking about the serious issues we were having.

    Even after all that, he stuck through it with me. I can only hope that if he did something stupid like I did he would have to guts to come clean.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I said maybe.  It really depends on the situation.  I would say in the large majority of cases, I would say yes, I would tell him.  Certainly if I had sex with someone else, or an ongoing relationhip, I would tell him about it.  BUT… if there was a situation where I had a drunken kiss that meant nothing or something similar I probably would not tell him.  The reason I wouldn’t tell him is because telling him would only make ME feel better and him feel worse.  Cheating is a BIG deal and I would never condone it in any relationship.  But if one of us did something like that the other one is not going to end the marriage over it… so why cause the pain and hurt?

    Post # 10
    Hostess
    16215 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Yes. My Fiance would deserve to know the truth, and I’d hope he respect me that much as well.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I definitely would.  We weren’t exclusive at first and definitely told each other what was going on with other people.

    For one thing, I believe that honesty and fairness is more important than traditional definitions of fidelity (I would be totally ok in an open relationship, but because he wouldn’t, we’re not).  For another, I am a massive oversharer. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    2714 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @Moose1209: and @LGenz: Funny, cuz for me it was a drunken stupid kiss and yet I still told my Fiance. I think you’ll be surprised at how guilty you will feel if you find yourself in that situation. If it was the other way around I would want to know if my Fiance kissed another girl without me knowing and so, I felt that coming clean was the right thing to do.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I voted maybe…i’ve never been in that situation. I think if it were a drunken kiss at a bar that was like done on a dare or something really stupid like that, I wouldn’t. But if I was in love with someone else or did something more serious (slept with someone) I think I would. Of course, that would then be the end of our relationship–DH has made it very clear that cheating is a dealbreaker, period the end.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2829 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    yes.

    We have discussed it and while we both consider it pretty much a deal breaker, we both agree that we owe it to one another to at least be honest about things like that.

    Post # 15
    Member
    362 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Fiance and I would most def tell each other.

    Post # 16
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    If he cheated on me, I would want to know so he deserves the same respect. It would definitely be hard. Keeping it a secret and never talking about it would be much easier for all parties involved but it wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I can say that I’ll never cheat (and I don’t think that I ever would) but we have no way of knowing what the future will bring. Fiance and I have always said that if either of us felt the need to cheat on the other, we would end our relationship/marriage before doing so. IMO, the only reason one would cheat on their SO is if they are truly unhappy in their relationship.

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