(Closed) Would you tell your SO if you cheated?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you tell your SO if you cheated?
    Yes : (84 votes)
    49 %
    No : (43 votes)
    25 %
    Maybe : (35 votes)
    20 %
    Other : (11 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 61
    Member
    759 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    i said other because i would never cheat. i wouldnt want to be cheated on therfore i wouldnt do it. and if im unhappy in my relationship id leave it. not cheat. that doesnt fix things…

    Post # 62
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @Socrates:  LOL!  Perhaps the better question is whether I would admit to taking steroids! 

    Post # 63
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @SBourgeous:  Your message actually confuses me.  Going to a strip club is cheating?  How about an art museum with naked pictures?  A sex scene in a movie?  Playboy?  I just don’t get it.

    Post # 64
    Member
    1295 posts
    Bumble bee

    @ Socrates

    FH doesn’t need dirty pictures. He is very conservative – no porn. On that subject though, if he needs porn, obviously he doesn’t need to be getting any sexy fun from me! 🙂 Going to a stripclub is cheating because he would be paying another woman to see her naked and touch him. What I mean is that we don’t have “levels” of cheating. Kissing a stranger while drunk is no better than sleeping with someone. If he does something with another girl that he wouldn’t do in front of me (and no I don’t mean that in the threesome way, haha) then it is cheating.

    Post # 65
    Member
    1295 posts
    Bumble bee

    @ Yankee

    Nah, I’m alright with museums and whatnot. It’s the “paying a real live person for what he can get at home for free” thing. Strippers touch you, paintings and movies don’t. Either way, FH wouldn’t ever go to a stripclub, so we’re happy with agreed on cheating boundaries.

    Post # 66
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @SBourgeous:  Hmmmm, not sure what strip clubs that you are referring to, but they definitely do not necessarily involve any touching whatsoever unless specifically requested.  And you can see just as much, if not more, at most museums.  I guess it is just a certain assumption in your head based on experience.  Think Flashdance, not XXX Free for All.

     

    Post # 67
    Member
    1295 posts
    Bumble bee

    @ Yankee

    I’m not crazy, I wouldn’t freak over naked pictures. Seeing a picture of someone eating a cheeseburger is different than eating the cheeseburger yourself. A naked woman in an art context is different than a naked woman in a stripclub. They serve very distinct purposes. I’m just saying, if he wants to see another real life woman naked, he’s going to have some problems at home. To me, yes, a stripclub is cheating. FH agrees. There’s always the possibility of an unruly stripper not being able to resist touching my handsome man 😉 Ha ha. I know a lot of people don’t have problems with it, but as a couple we would.

    Post # 68
    Member
    1641 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I think people that tell are just adding their incredible selfishness to the situation even further. The only reason to tell is to relieve your own guilt. I fit happened, telling your SO can’t fix it and it would hurt them terribly. There is no benefit to your SO at all, only to your guilty conscience.

    Post # 69
    Member
    620 posts
    Busy bee

    @SBourgeous:

     

    lol  I guess…if he is a real conservative and you guys have agreed, more power to you.  lol

     

    I understand what hurts you, I’m just surprised in the no levels thing.  To me intercourse is like the atom bomb…lol  I just can’t see a kiss being the same.  I’m not trying to say it isn’t cheating but if someone were drunk, I think it would be easier to recover from that. 

     

    The dirty pictures thing is interesting.  If he is not super religious, I bet he fails and looks at at least one dirty picture throughout the marriage (otherwise when he watches a movie with a sex scene he will get more excited than most…lol).  If he is super religious…maybe he passes but if he were to fail, I’d hope you’d forgive him.  There is a huge difference between fantasy and reality.  That picture challenge would be a greater challenge for a guy (in general) since according to research, guys are more visual.

    Sometimes being super strict can encourage one to say it is impossible to keep the deal.  lol  This reminds me of when I was watching Big brother 2 seasons ago and that natalie was saying her fiance wouldn’t get turned on by a picture of a naked woman.  lol  Everyone laughed at her.  She was serious.

    Post # 70
    Member
    620 posts
    Busy bee

    @SBourgeous:

    The strip club is an easy deal to keep for many …lol  I’ve only been to one…when I was in college.  My friends dragged me along.  I hated it.  It felt like wasting money too.   lol  I just don’t like it. 

    The dirty picture thing is where I think the challenge will be.  lol  In the age of computers etc.  I guess the question is whether he has ever looked at and enjoyed a dirty picture.  If he is super religious and it is no, he might pass but if he ever has, he will fail (at some point)…lol

    Post # 71
    Member
    1295 posts
    Bumble bee

    LOL! FH is a mormon! I’m not religious, just traditional. I wouldn’t fault him for looking at a dirty picture, but he truly is not interested. He never looked at porn online or watched it or anything. I’m all he needs. If I did catch him watching a porno I’d be completely shocked. He thinks it’s degrading. Really though, I never said “oh you better not do this or this or this”, everything was mutual. We were so thrilled to find that we had similar views on what constitutes cheating. I’m not controlling about it at all, he has free will to do what he pleases. He would be just as upset if I went to a stripclub or whatnot. I would be more upset if it was sex opposed to a kiss, but I’m saying that neither is more forgivable than the other. I definitely see how other people think theres a huge difference there though.

    I would laugh at a woman who said her husband wouldn’t get turned on looking at a picture of a naked woman too! That woman seems to have a cloudy view of human sexuality.

    Post # 72
    Member
    620 posts
    Busy bee

    @SBourgeous:

    Yeah…lol  She was young (Natalie …Big brother).  I think she thought there was more control than there is.  lol

    OK…if he is a Mormon and never has seen porn then maybe he might pass.  lol  It would be different if he had seen it then was banned for life.  lol 

    I think in reality you would take sex more seriously.  I get what you are trying to say.  You don’t want someone to use the excuse “It was just kissing”.  I get that.  But when you bring up “drunk kissing” (presumably one time) and the person catching it and then feeling bad and telling you, I think you would look at that differently than sex.  I know I sure would.  lol

    Even the strip club thing.  Even though I’m not in favor of it, someone being dragged along (or surprised at a friend’s bachlorette party) and watching (without touching) is a lot different than sex (IMO).

    The sex thing is just big.  Everything else, possibly forgivable.

    Post # 73
    Member
    620 posts
    Busy bee

    It’s funny how people are so open with telling the other partner to be honest if he/she cheats.  If that’s the case, you might as well encourage the partner to use protection.  lol  At least it would save you from diseases and in case you decide to forgive, it would prevent you from having to deal with a child as a result of the pregnancy.  lol

    “Don’t cheat but if you do, at least use protection and make sure to tell me right afterwards.”  lol

    Post # 74
    Member
    1295 posts
    Bumble bee

    I know what you’re saying. I wouldn’t be marrying someone who didn’t feel the same way about these things! I don’t want to have to “control” what anyone does. If he wanted to look at porn, I would be a bit upset, but wouldn’t tell him he absolutely can’t look at it. That wouldn’t be healthy.

    He has been to a stripclub before, but that was way before my time. He says the experience scarred him for life, haha. He wouldn’t be dragged along to a stripclub now though, even for a bachelor party. He would politely excuse himself from the festivities. His friends know better than to surprise him with anything like that.

    I would be ANGRIER and more upset about sex definitely! But it wouldn’t be any more cheating than a drunken kiss. I meant that we have a line drawn as to what constitutes as cheating, and anything, no matter how small, that passes that line is cheating. In that way, kissing isn’t “ranked” any different than sex. Everything goes into one box. It’s the same amount of trust being broken and still unforgiveable. The day someone cheats is the day we would decide to end the relationship. Mormons don’t drink – wont have to worry about any drunken kisses anyway 🙂

    I get that we’re a bit more strict than other couples.

    Post # 75
    Member
    42 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    No. If I didn’t care about him enough to cheat on him, why would I care enough to tell him the truth?

    The topic ‘Would you tell your SO if you cheated?’ is closed to new replies.

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