(Closed) Would you TTC before or after deployment? Military brides only

posted 4 years ago in Military
Post # 3
Member
239 posts
Helper bee

i’m not married to military, but i am AD myself and i from what i’ve seen and experienced w/ those around me, i’d wait until after he gets back.  if you try and get pregnant right before he leaves and succeed, he will miss all of the big milestones that come w/ pregnancy.  and depending on the length of his deployments, he could even miss the birth.  those are just my two cents. 

Post # 4
Member
2974 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i’d wait until he was home. i wouldn’t want him to miss hearing the baby’s heartbeat, seeing the ultrasound photos, feeling the baby kick, seeing my belly get bigger and bigger and i especially don’t want him to miss the birth or seeing his child grow.

as i’m sure you know, it’s very hard to make plans when the military is involved. nothing is for sure until it’s already happened, that’s why my husband and i decided not to start a family until he gets out of the marine corps (which will be in one year) and we’re settled back into life outside of the military.

Post # 5
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am not a military wife (sorry) BUT i have just been diagnosed with endometriosis and ovarian cysts…so when we DO try to conceive it can take time

 

I would DEFINTIELY take your health/child bearing issues into consideration…

Post # 7
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Chelwilly:  I’ve had this exact conversation with my hubby. I didnt want to TTC before he left because of a few reasons, I’ll still be in law school being one but mainly because I do not want to be pregnant when he can’t share in it with me. The deployment he is going on is projected to be 14 months so he would miss everything, the entire pregnancy, the birth, the first five months of the baby’s life. He didn’t want to miss out on all of that as well.

Post # 10
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Chelwilly:  I agree with @shootznladrz89: deployment is always in the way. If you get pregnant after and he deploys again (even after the birth) he’ll still miss milestones of the baby growing up. If he’s not off active duty there’s always a chance he’ll miss something. I think it’s better for them to miss the pregnancy than any of the child’s milestones after birth. Just my two cents.

Post # 11
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I say before! (Married to an Army man deploying this July for 1 yr)

Yea he will miss the ultrasounds, and heartbeats. But these are things you can record for him!

Send him pictures of the sonograms, take pictures of your growing belly.

Imagine how happy he will be to come home to a FAMILY! After being at war so long.

It’l give him something to look forward to, and you too! To keep busy while he is away.

Deployments are always going to be there, no matter when you decide to try.

My husband and I are still LD, and he was just here for 16 days. We TTC, and hopefully we were successful. We have to play the waiting game now.

Best of luck to you Bee! XX

@Chelwilly:  

Post # 13
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes, They are allowed to get leave time if their spouse is giving birth 🙂

It truly is difficult for anyone not in our situation to know how hard it is to make such a big decision 🙁

DH and I also want a family so bad, and us trying now was the best decision. We just hope we are successful.

I truly wish you all the luck and strength in the world! PM me any time Bee if you need to vent, talk, or just opinions! XX

@Chelwilly:  

Post # 15
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My FI is military, and while we arent planning on getting pregnant, a friend and I talked about this once and I sort of decided that if it were a lonf deplogment, I would try for while hes on leave. That way he misses all the horrible morning sickness and what not. Now I realize this isnt a perfect world, so I guess it just depends. If you would be okay with him potentially missing the birth, but being there for the first year or so while he is between deployments, do it before. But if you want him there for the pregnancy and the birth, do it after, but know that if he deploys again he may miss a lot of time when theyre little. Theres no easy answer to that question, its different for everyone. 

Post # 16
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

i think it really depends on the support system you have where you are living. for myself, we will not be TTC while he is deployed because i am already pretty emotional and the thought of being alone in a new town and dealing with preggo stress does not seem like a good idea.

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