Would you use donor eggs?

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
2260 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Absolutely. Adoption isn’t something I’m especially interested in for a whole host of reasons I won’t expand upon unprompted, but not because of the lack of genetic connection. I’ve always wanted to carry my child, and whatever that looked like (donor egg, donated/adopted embryo) would be fine with me. 

Post # 3
Member
10009 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would definitely use donor eggs if the RE felt that was a good option. 

Post # 4
Member
3067 posts
Sugar bee

To be completely honest, I know I would struggle with the child being biologically related to my husband but not to me. I’d need to do a lot of soul searching about that before comitting. If this was the only way I could carry a child, I might decide to do it, but it wouldn’t be an easy decision for me.

Post # 5
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

doglovinbee :  yes yes yes!!!  But would my husband agree would be the question, (if we were in that situation and could afford etc).  I know a couple that had male infertility associated with spontaneous mutation on his y chromosome.  Once discovered, re docs have him meds to help him make sperm (his count was at zero) and planned for ivf.  Sperm count after that was still zero so they went in surgically and found zero.  Another round,  sample was zero so went in surgically to each side and got a grand total of 4.  Four sperm.  They had harvested his wife’s eggs.  So they put his sperm with her eggs and only one sperm was functional enough to fertilize.  They got a daughter out of that.  It was so miserable for both of them trying harvest stuff.  Plus he realized after they found out the gender how relieved he was that it wasn’t a boy and therefore wouldn’t inherit the bad gene.  That decided them to go to donor sperm for any further pregnancies.  He realized he was ok with the other children not bring his biologically.  They both really enjoyed having the pregnancy experience together and she enjoyed breastfeeding.  He also agreed that just because they couldn’t have his dns didn’t mean he should insist they not have her dna either and push things toward conventional adoption.  They have four kids now.  The oldest is his.  The other three are from a donor.  He’s very attentive and hands on with all of them.  (No favoritism) I think the scenario lends itself well to the thought process of using donor overall  I myself thought it through that way when explaining it to my husband, that if faced with that I would want to turn to donor sperm or eggs or both! before turning to conventional adoption.  I valued the pregnancy experience a lot and would’ve wanted that.  Even though my pregnancies were he’ll, lol.  (HG). It was never discussed beyond the hypothetical for us because when we were having fertility struggles we couldn’t afford any fertility intervention.  And we did end up having children eventually after enduring long waits and several losses.

Post # 6
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee

Yes, if I had no other  biological children, or my husband did not. 

Post # 7
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Husband and I have always said we would do no invasive fertility treatments, no IVF etc. we would likely stay child free or maybe adopt. But if we were considering ivf yes I think we would be willing to use donor eggs.

Post # 8
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I have poor egg quality and diminished ovarian reserve. Even after 4 rounds of failed IVF and 6 rounds of failed IUIs, I did not feel like that truly answered why we could not get pregnant. I’m glad that I kept pushing. We got pregnant on our first FET (5th round overall). But if we had kept trying and exhausted all other options or our financial resources, I would have considered it. While no guarantee, I do think it provided more options and slightly less risk than adoption. I was also strongly consider embryo donation as an alternative if my husband was okay with that option. We never got to that point where we have that conversation. It’s much more affordable than donor eggs.  That being said, now that we have 1 (almost anyways) I am not sure whether I’d continue down that path if we want a second child. I consider myself very lucky after all we went through that I got to experience pregnancy and now that i have, if I couldnt have another biologically, I would consider adopting. It’s a very personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer.

Post # 9
Member
2377 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Honestly I would quicker consider embryo adoption than donor eggs. I’m not sure if I would be able to get my head around my husband’s sperm fertilizing an egg that is not mine. If embryo adoption didn’t work I would consider normal adoption. It would take a lot of soul searching to come to terms with donor eggs but it would probably be the choice I make above remaining childless. 

Post # 10
Member
10282 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’d choose adoption over donor eggs. Having biological children or experiencing pregnancy is not especially important to me though.

Post # 11
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
doglovinbee :  I would accept a donor egg from a close relative of mine, if they offered.  A friend of mine is currently facing infertility after several failed egg retrievals, and her (younger) sister offered up her eggs.  I privately think she should accept as she is the kind of person destined to be a mother, and it doesn’t seem like she’s going to have any viable eggs left, she’s 39.  I think I would in her situation, though she is currently against it, I think she will eventually come around to the idea.

While having children is fairly important to me, I also could envision a childless life, as could my husband.  If we didn’t have a donor genetically close to me, I think I would be relatively content to remain childless, after my initial disappointment.  I don’t think I’d use a donor egg or sperm. 

Post # 12
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee

I’d choose adoption especially since I’ve always wanted to adopt whether or not I had biological children. 

Post # 13
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I was never, ever interested in the experience of pregnancy. Indeed, as a child (maybe a weird one, I’ll grant) I was sure that by the time I grew up embryos would be raised in jars, so I would never have to carry a child. Unsurprisingly (after discovering that gestating babies in jars was not a thing), I did not enjoy pregnancy; I felt like a strange science experiment. And perhaps I am a terrible person, but I am not sure I could or would do it for a child I was not genetically related to. 

Post # 14
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I knew someone who donated her eggs, she was happy with her choice at the time that I knew her. I also know someone who had a child via an egg donor. The baby is adorable and happy and the parents are very happy with their choice.

I have loved the experience of pregnancy and mothering enough that, if I hadn’t been able to get pregnant any other way, I would have been open to other options, including egg donors.

Now that I have one child, though, I’m not willing to make any added effort to have another one. I’ve told my husband that I’d like for us to consider adoption down the line, at some point.

Post # 15
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
echomomm : I don’t think it’s too weird. I remember my sister and I having “adopted” children when we played pretend growing up. I have always had a strong desire to be a mother- and I would love to do that without going through pregnancy!

Our current plan (not that we’ll be having kids in any way in the next three years) is try to get pregnant without medical intervention, move on to any non-invasive AND covered by insurance intervention, and then move on to adoption if that doesn’t work out. I would be more than willing to jump straight to adoption, but my partner is scared that he wouldn’t be able to bond with an adopted child enough and I’m scared of paying adoption agency fees only to have the adoption fall through.

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