Would you use donor eggs?

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 31
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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TwilightRarity :  yes exactly, it’s the same as with an adopted kid or (in our case) a child with a genetic condition. You want them to always grow up knowing it, so they can never remember when the were “told”. Much less traumatic. 

Post # 32
Member
3158 posts
Sugar bee

Agree with pp that it’s definitely best to start talking to your child about this as early as possible so it’s not some big “reveal” later in life that could really throw them off. There are a lot of children’s books out there already about “unconventional” ways of making families, like this one: https://www.amazon.com/What-Makes-Baby-Cory-Silverberg/dp/1609804856/ref=pd_sbs_14_1/134-4147510-6258221?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1609804856&pd_rd_r=e0e42aa3-8b9c-4da9-b8a3-3e3a616ed3a4&pd_rd_w=Z3qJW&pd_rd_wg=0hfGI&pf_rd_p=5873ae95-9063-4a23-9b7e-eafa738c2269&pf_rd_r=EAVA8R3VF5VB5N24X0BA&psc=1&refRID=EAVA8R3VF5VB5N24X0BA. I’m sure more will be published every year, as more and more families seek fertility treatments of different types. If it were me I’d probably casually start reading my child those kinds of books from a young age and introducing the topic in a relaxed way as opposed to making it a Thing. In fact I’ll probably do this anyway even though our child was conceived naturally so she grows up not thinking there’s anything weird about other ways of having a child, whether through adoption, IVF, donor egg/sperm, etc. 

Post # 33
Member
9445 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

 

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emilyofnewmoon :  In fact I’ll probably do this anyway even though our child was conceived naturally so she grows up not thinking there’s anything weird about other ways of having a child, whether through adoption, IVF, donor egg/sperm, etc. 

So much this! It’s amazing because little kids have to be taught that something is “weird” or “different”. One of my daughter’s best friends has two moms. It’s just is how their family is designed. My daughter never blinked an eye or asked why her friend has two moms but she has a mom and a dad – she just knows that families come in all varieties. 

Post # 34
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Aspen, CO

A dear friend of mine used a donor egg for her second IVF pregnancy after being unsuccessful with her own eggs.  He’s almost 2 now and when I asked her about it she said she forgets he was from a donor. They chose a similar looking donor to herself. The egg donor baby and her own egg baby look very similar. She absolutely adores them both and has no regrets. 

Post # 35
Member
1232 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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doglovinbee :  I wanted to also add we are friends with a couple who used donar sperm but the wife’s eggs. They choose a donar who had simular hair and eye color skin tone etc to the husband. Anyways now that they have their son people constantly comment on how much he looks like his daddy and doesnt look a thing like his mommy. They chuckle at that since no one has a clue! They told me it doesnt feel any different since she carried the baby and they honestly rarely ever think or talk about it. They dont tell many people. We only know since we did ivf to conceive and when they found out we were doing it they told us. To each their own on who they want to tell but from what they tell me using a donar hasnt been a big deal and they love their son so much! Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Post # 36
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Bee, do you have a sister or a cousin who might be willing to donate eggs for you? That way you would share DNA with your child since you share DNA with your sister/cousin. 

If you raised your baby with him/her knowing you carried them and delivered them, but that “Aunt Sarah” donated a piece of herself to help you grow him/her- I think your child would understand and accept it. 

Post # 37
Member
1899 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - California

I haven’t tried IVF yet, but it’s looking like we are going down that path next year. I have thought about what it would be like to use donor eggs if my eggs were of poor quality but I honestly can’t wrap my brain around it (yet). I am having a hard time coming to terms with not being able to maintain a spontaneous pregnancy (I had previously never imagined I would lose two in a row — I thought maybe one max once we stopped protection). It seems like something I could get my head around if we tried with my own eggs and had no success after maybe two rounds of IVF. 

Post # 38
Member
2290 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh man, that’s a tough one to answer. A part of me says that it wouldn’t matter and that I’d definitely look into it if need be

The other part of me says I’d struggle with it. I’m a stepmom, so already a parental figure to a child that shares biology only with my husband and it’s been a challenge. Some of that has nothing to do with a genetic bond, but some of it does. With that filter on the way I look at it, it would make it a tough decision!

Post # 39
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Yes I probably would. I donated eggs so I’d try and get my own if I have fertility issues because of waiting to have children so long. If it was just me I’d probably adopt but my husband really wants kids so I wouldn’t want to deprive him of having his own genetic kids because I didn’t want kids for so long..

Post # 40
Member
2048 posts
Buzzing bee

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SVandy60918 :  to be able to get your own (younger) eggs.  That would be awesome!

Post # 41
Member
532 posts
Busy bee

I would, and I did!  The result just left the kitchen after demanding that I sign her math homework. 

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