Post # 1
Would you want your SO to let you know that you’ve gained a bit of weight?
Another thread about weight gain and SO’s inspired me to make this thread.
Fiance and I have had an agreement from the start that we will be open about weight gain in our relationship. We both never want to get to a point where the other one is resentful of the other, or not attracted to the other. Let face it, it is both something we are not attracted to, despite loving eachother a lot.
If one gains enough weight to notice, one of us generally says something in a tactful and sensitive manner and NEVER in a fight, or in a teasing manner. This way we avoid hurting one another, but still getting our feelings heard. Then we encourage eachother to go on a health kick and melt the pounds off. We have never gotten to a point where it was hurtful or taken the wrong way because in reality, we just want what’s best for eachother.
Would you ever have an agreement with your SO like this? Do you think it’s important to keep your partner in check with their weight?
Post # 3
No. I can tell if I’ve gained weight. I don’t need anyone bringing it to my attention.
Post # 4
I’m very aware of it even if it’s only a couple of pounds. I don’t need anyone else to tell me that.
Post # 5
LMBO @ MichiganBride2012 exactly !!!!!!
Post # 6
@GroovyHippieChick: This. I have enough body image issues. I would more appreciate my partner initiating healthy lifestyle changes, such as encouraging us to go to the gym, go for walks, and eating healthy foods.
Post # 7
Yes. But I wouldnt mind if I packed on a few pounds. I’m a tiny girl. But I did tell my Fiance about 3 months ago that he needed to lose weight, and guess what? He did! He has enough medical problems, (he had brain surgery summer of 2010) and he needs to be healthy. He started watching his calories and eating better and it has paid off.
Post # 8
No, and if he did, he’d be sleeping on the couch.
If my pants are getting a little snug it means it is time to throw in a few extra workouts and cut back on the carbs. Problem solved!
ETA: Totally counterproductive to go pointing this out to your SO or vice versa.
Post # 9
He can tell me if he wants to, but like PP’s… chances are I already know.
I fractured my femur in 2010 & was on crutches for 3 months. I had just run a half marathon, so I was really active & in good shape. Oh, and the kicker- I was on crutches from December ’10 to March ’11… so just after Thanksgiving, Christmas & all the cookies associated with it, Valentine’s Day, and basically not being able to work out at all 🙁 I did gain a few pounds, and I did know about it. He didn’t really like, bring it up to me, but he did suggest activities we could do together in the spring when I was allowed to walk again. We took the dogs for walks & ate out less often, so in his own really sweet way, he was addressing the issue of the weight I had gained (like 5-10 pounds, not exactly the end of the world…) but without cutting me down about it.
Post # 10
I guess I would know if I had gained a couple of pounds, but I might not necessarily mind… but I would mind if it bothered my Fiance.
I have told my Fiance a few times during the course of our relationship that he needed to lose weight, and yes it hurt his ego a bit, but he get his butt to the gym and got healthy again. He appreciates my honesty, and I think i would appreciate his too if the tables were turned.
Post # 11
Yes I’d want to know so then I could know I need to show him the door.
Post # 12
This is a slippery slope I think. I actually posted a converstaion Fiance and I had about this in that other thread but deleted it, it wouldn’t have been helpful. Fits here though!
So, our conversation was about one of us gaining a significant amount of weight. Not 5 lbs of course. Well, 5 lbs to me is a big deal, but not to our relationship if you know what I mean! Anyway, we both agreed that if it affected our relationship, it would need to be brought up.
We are both pretty healthy, we’re runners, and lead a really active lifestyle. If one of us gained weight and we had to stop doing those things we enjoy, it would affect our relationship. Once that happened, something would need to change.
I guess for us, it isn’t about the weight, it’s about the impact on our life together. I love Fiance, and one of the things I love about him is exercising with him, running with him, and leading a healthy lifestyle together. If he were to fall out of that healthy lifestyle, we’d be much less compatible. Would I still love him? Of course I would. But we both know that if steps aren’t taken to regain that kind of lifestyle, the relationship would suffer and possibly end.
Now, this is assuming it’s a lack of proper eating habits and enthusiasm about exercise. Obviously, if it were something out of one’s control it’s completely different.
Post # 13
I’ve actually told mine to let me know. I did a lot of work to lose weight and I want to keep it off. He nicely obliges me
Post # 14
@Tanya5484: I don’t feel like it’s been counterproductive in my situations.. but that could be because we said right from the beginning of our relationship that we had low tolerance for weight gain.
I totally understand if it’s a health issue like a broken bone or surgery… but like I said if it’s just because we’ve got too comfortable on the couch eating bad things, then it’s something we’ll definitely talk about. It’s definitely not a me VS. him thing and we never say it in an insensitive way. I was just curious to know if other couples had a line of communication that regarded this issue.
Post # 15
@SweetVanity: Exactly how I feel.. Thank you for putting it into better words than I ever could.
Post # 16
Hmmmm this is a tough one. I critique myself extra, so FH wouldn’t even get a chance to mention this… I’m on it.
He had done P90x for 45 days before having hernia surgery last year. He fell off the workout wagon and I “encouraged” him to workout with me and asked about P90x because I know his goals. He finally restarted and just finished the 90 days. Loves the results and now working on Asylum. I tell him I need him to be around a LONG time and want him healthy. Less concerned with weight (he’s actually skinny) and more with health. I can’t tell how his heart is by looking at his biceps, but I know it’s better when he’s working out.