Post # 1
So I was reading this book called “Blink”. I don’t know who it is by but it’s a book about how we think and how we sometimes make decisions on a blink of an eye.
Anyway one of the things they mentioned is about how there’s a test that someone specially trained can watch you interact with your husband and from the first 15 min, they are able to determine whether your relationship would last.
I read it and was somewhat scared. I don’t know if I would want someone telling me the bad news. Good news would be great but not if there’s chance that it could have been bad.
I think for me, I wouldn’t want to know.
I’m pretty confident that my husband I will stay together but I’m not 100% sure.
Also, during school, I was always fascinated by psychology. I actually almost minored in it because I really liked it. I do believe that seeing a counselor is good for some people but I would not like my doctor, telling me what my future is with my husband.
Post # 3
Oh I don’t know if I would want to try this! And if they give you, say, five years, are you supposed to stick it out?
Post # 4
I wouldn’t want to know, simply because deep down, I don’t believe in that theory, but at the same time, hearing we wouldn’t last would, well, put a huge damper on things.
I know, I’m weird.
Relationships change and evolve over time, and the last-factor is based on how comitted you are to the relationship. Of course, people just never know what’s going to happen, but I truly believe my husband and I will be together for the rest of our lives. I don’t want some dude telling me otherwise.
Post # 5
i think that would just jinx things. no one can predict the future, but they can tell you something based on statistics.. But i bet the statistics of people being told by an “expert” that their relationship will fail would show that these people fail more often b/c someone in charge told them so.
Post # 6
I haven’t read Blink, but I did read this article a few weeks ago about that guy’s studies. They’re actually really bad methodology – basically he interviews a bunch of people, then years later finds out which ones divorced. After the fact, he determined what the ones that divorced said and makes that his model. Rather than devising a model and testing how valid it is in the future.
Theoretically, I’m an anxiety case so I probably would want to know stuff like that, but still… definite bias if someone tells you something’s not going to work.
Post # 7
I think part of it could be a self fulfilling prophecy. If someone told you that you weren’t going to last, maybe you are less likely to work it out when problems happen (as they do with all relationships).
Post # 8
I’ve read a lot about the methodology problems with this guy’s studies, so I’m not sure I would be interested in seeing our relationship tested.
However, I do take his advice rather seriously. If you could boil it down, his POV is that mutual respect and affection are the best predictors of success. If you are on your spouse’s side, even when you are disagreeing, you are far more likely to survive as a couple.
On the other hand, I think that there is a lot more to a relationship that is hard to control. The divorce rates for people who lose a child are really high, for example, and people with major money problems are also more likely to divorce. This points to the fact that we are all human, and stress does terrible things. The best you can do is figure out what you can control in your relationship, and work hard on that.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2009 - Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe
I don’t think I’d want to know. What we hear could affect the way we behave. Maybe in knowing it wouldn’t work out, we’d harder than we need to or not try at all because we’d be “doomed.”
Post # 10
Oh I would be confident in our working out, but at the same time… its just one man’s opinion, and nerves could adjust your results if you trust him, and hearing you will last or you won’t can change your behavior after the test. We have such a great relationship I would hate for it to change because of what someone else theorizes, it could cause over comfort or too much anxiety. No way, but its interesting!
Post # 11
blink is by malcolm gladwell. He is awesome. I loved this book. I found it to be about going with your gut instinct rather than what you believe you see. Very persecptive stuff too!
Post # 12
I’ve read Blink. The theory about the couples is quite interesting and I found it to be valid. If you are married to somebody and speak to them with contempt and discount their views (even unintentionally and just with body language), I don’t think your marriage would last long. I would want to know because then the behaviors could be changed before the relationship is totally destroyed.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t mind being told, but I generally wouldn’t put much weight into what someone else said about me and Darling Husband. Besides, maybe being told of a problem, before we realize it when it’s too late, maybe it would give us a chance to work on things and fix it before our marriage went south. But I really wouldn’t have any worries. All the statistics basically say we are doomed to failure, but I don’t believe those either!
Post # 14
I don’t know…I’ve never read the book, but I think i’d like to know…not because I want someone to predict my future, but because i’d want to know if the slight behaviors or the little things we do that we might not be conscious of hurt or help our relaitonship. It might do us some good to see that if I get on the phone as he’s about to say something, it really bothers him, or that my deep sigh really isn’t as bad as he thinks it is…like @joeswifey said, i’d rather correct behaviors before they become a bigger problem than they really need to be.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t really buy it. I’m sure some of the things are often true (i.e., your relationship is less likely to work out if you don’t speak respectfully to each other, but I can’t see it being accurate much of the time.
Post # 16
I would not want to know, and I also have serious doubts about the accuracy of such predictions.