(Closed) Would you want your FIL taking a job to be near your DH?

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
5669 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

It’s up to your Father-In-Law as to how he wants to handle his current Fiance. Obviously if he is thinking about moving away from her then there is probably some underlying issues they need to address.

I know if I moved anywhere my mom would follow. DH and I sometimes talk about moving south and my parents have made it very clear they would come. I’m her only daughter and DH understand that.

If your Father-In-Law would be getting a job then he would meet colleagues and wouldn’t neccesarily be with your DH 24/7 as they would both be working as well. The main issue seems to be like feel you will lose your DH to your Father-In-Law, have you discussed this with DH. Don’t get mad at him about his father but instead try to express the vulnerabilty you have with this situation. Maybe DH could see if differently and/or assure you that your relationship will not change.

Post # 4
10282 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m not even sure why you’re involved in this decision. If your Father-In-Law wants to move to be closer to his son then that’s his choice. 

Post # 5
9873 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

it is ultimately your FIL’s decision. could you both visit him? so your DH and his dad would get to do guy stuff but your Father-In-Law wouldn’t have to worry about costs/getting work leave

Post # 6
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would be excited for my DH if his parents or one of them moved closer to us.

Its great to be near family unless for some reason you think Father-In-Law is a horrible person. It sounds to me like he is a man who loves his son and hit a rough patch financially. Even if he has to leave his Fiance for a while, this overseas job for a couple years could get him back on his feet. 

Is it possible that you are jealous of the time they might spend together? If your mother, father or best friend moved hear you, wouldnt you think it fun? Just because he has someone else to spend time with, doesnt make you any less important. It is certainly possible to have a talk if he does come about not wanting to be cut out of all the activities you two do together now, but they will have one on one time together. Thats the right and priveledge of a family member (within reason of course)

Post # 7
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t really see why this is anyone’s decision besides your Father-In-Law and his Fiance.  And if he is willing to leave his Fiance for the move, that is his choice.

I’d be happy for my DH that he was going to be able to spend more time with his family.  Family is really important to me.  Your FIL’s medical scare has also probably made him reassess what is truely important in his life and it sounds like that is being able to spend more time with his son before he no longer has the chance to.

Post # 9
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@texasbee:  I guess I really dont see the problem. Is Father-In-Law unreliable? Do you think DHs job is at stake for recommending him for the position?

Sure the day after the wedding is a bad move, but your DH was there too. He should have cut it short. They are both to blame. That sounds like both your Father-In-Law and DH are “selfish” per your story. And even still, that one story doesnt show selfish to me. Shows poor judgement on both peoples side and doesnt effect his moving across county.

If he is indeed selfish then you have a talk when he decides to move there about what sort of behaviors are acceptable to you and your DH. Selfish does not make a horrible father necessarily. It makes the need for rules and boundaries. 

sometimes you have to do what is right for you. That means your Father-In-Law and the financial gain may be best for him. Especially coupled with time with his son. 3 times in 3 years isnt exactly a lot. Sure, his other son has problems, but he has to be responsible for himself. Your Father-In-Law cant be holding him up all the time. It will only bring him dowm.

And really, most importantly, how does your DH feel about it? Would he like him there?

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