Would you wear a dress from a broken engagement?

posted 2 weeks ago in Dress
Post # 46
Member
2162 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

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@peachybee88:  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saving it. It’s a very personal decision. Just decide if you’re comfortable. 

Post # 47
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2021

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@peachybee88:  almost 2 years after ending a very bad ten year relationship/engagement, I have met an amazing man who I plan to marry next spring. I had a dress made for my previous engagement/wedding, I thought about wearing it becuase I am frugal and didn’t want to spend the money, it really is beautiful and I love it and it is my favorite color, peach. But my 16 and 14 year old daughters convinced me to go dress shopping and I found an amazing in dress that I NEVER thought I would feel comfortable in, or be able to afford with my ex (I am doing better financially as well as marrying someone who is “better off”) and I feel like a million $$ in it! I know I will be very happy as I walk down the aisle in it. I am sure I could have been in the other too, but I don’t think it would have brought as much joy. 

Post # 48
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee

Your feelings for the dress might change in the future when you meet the right guy.  The dress is beautiful, though, and if you feel you can’t part with it right now, then keep it.  I did the same. I was engaged in my 20’s and bought a beautiful ball gown. My engagement didn’t work out and I kept the dress, hoping I could wear it someday.  In my 30’s, I met my husband but by then, my feelings had changed about what I wanted to wear and I just couldn’t see myself getting married in my former dress anymore.  And my hubby felt I should have something different anyways – something that would suit how I felt at this stage of my life. I ended up getting a completely different dress – a mermaid style – and I have no regrets!  So however you feel in the future, go with that feeling and all the best to you!  🙂

Post # 49
Member
5235 posts
Bee Keeper

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@peachybee88:  You already said you don’t get bad vibes from the dress and you don’t see an attachment to him thru the dress. One of the most notable thing you mentioned is that your dad gave it you. So I would make the dress connection more to your dad if anything. I would keep it. Plus it’s pretty and it looks good on your body.

Post # 50
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

It is a beautiful dress, but absolutely NOT. I am not even that emotional of a person, but that is so wrong I think. Plus, your future SO will find this dress and be like “wtf”, or if they don’t, you will at some point have to say “no worries hunny I already have my dress from my previous engagement, I don’t need to go wedding dress shopping”. Ummmm I don’t mean for this to sound nasty (I really don’t) but that looks CRAZY.    Just start fresh girl, sell the dress and move on. As someone else previous commented, dress styles will be so different by the time you are engaged again. You don’t need this bad juju hanging in your closet until then!!

Post # 51
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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@futuremrsmxoxo:  Just to say – I kept (and wore) my dress which I bought during my first engagment and a) my SO did not find the dress (it was stored at my Mom’s) and b) when I brought it up it was a normal conversation with no drama. Not even slightly crazy. I just expressed my reasons for wanting to wear it, whilst saying of course if he objected I’d buy something else. Husband was fine with it and agreed with the reasoning.

It can be just a dress. My dress didn’t have bad juju at all. 

Of course I appreciate that not everyone feels the same way about situations like this, which is fine, but equally not everyone (or everyone’s partners) will think ‘WTF’.

 

Post # 52
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

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@secondtimer18:  Thanks for your comment about your husband being cool with it, as I am sure my SO would think WTF, hence my comment. Thats the beauty of this site, we all have different opinions on these kinds of situations!

My opinion though is why risk it I guess? 

Post # 53
Member
4185 posts
Honey bee

I would sell it. One, resale value will go down as the style is very 2019. Two, I guarantee you that you will want a different dress if you lose weight. 

Post # 54
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

I think it’s a personal decision, between you and your future partner. I will say this: i have a gorgeous designer dress from a past relationship. I would never wear it. I am trying to sell it, and i know I won’t get close to what was paid, but anything would be nice. I think dress styles go out of style and we change, and our confidence and emotions change, we mature. You WILL NOT be who you are today when you’re finally ready to be married again, and your tastes may reflect that.

I actually feel like perhaps now, because you’re not totally over the break up yet, you’re still a little attached to it. I think in time you will want to get rid of that dress. For me personally there would be no way for me to NOT think of my ex when I saw it. Not that I’d be pining or missing him or anything, not that he had anything to do with the dress, but unless I was hit in the head there’s no way that I wouldnt think of the fact that I bought it to marry someone else.

Like I said, it’s totally a personal decision that only you and your future partner could decide how you felt about it.

Post # 55
Member
3760 posts
Honey bee

I wouldn’t worry so much about it being from a past relationship, but I agree with the PP who said that it might go out of style by the time you are getting ready to get married.  

 

Post # 56
Member
506 posts
Busy bee

The dress is beautiful, keep it (so long as you don’t have any memories attached to it or doesn’t make you feel sad)!

Post # 58
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@peachybee88:  There is no etiquette standard on this. It’s your and your future husband’s comfort level and personal preference. As a point of reference, I asked my husband what he would think of this situation. He said that he definitely wouldn’t want to reuse an engagement ring, but that he thinks that a wedding dress is different and more for the bride and her style and that it doesn’t have sentimental value like the ring because it wasn’t worn. So he would be fine with you choosing to wear the dress down the line. But keep in mind that your future fiance might feel differently!

Personally I feel that if you don’t have any attachement to the dress in terms of your old relationship, then it’s fine. Like if it doesn’t make you think about your old relationship or your ex. That would be one of the main deciding factors for me.

I also think that it’s very special that your mom was able to be there with you when you chose this dress, and if I were in your situation this would be a point that I would bring up to my future fiance–that the dress doesn’t make me think of the past relationship, but that it has sentimental value because my mother was able to be with me when I picked it and that I see that as a way to honor her (assuming this is true for you, sounds like it may be).

Post # 59
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@CinqueTerre:  “If you end up with a person who would be of the mindset of, “why would you want to marry me in the same dress you chose to wear when you thought you were going to marry your Ex?” they may also be of the mindset that it’s strange that you would even ask them that question at all–like to them it may be so obvious that *of course* they wouldn’t want to marry you in the dress you chose for your former wedding (even though it was called off).  If that’s the case, then that conversation alone might cast some shadows and negativity onto a time that should be nothing but exciting and happy.”

My thought in reading this is that if someone is nervous have an honest conversation with your future spouse about something like this, then can that person really be 100% honest with their spouse about more serious or heated things? It sounds like this would be presented as a suggestion from the OP and she says she would be respectful of how her future fiance felt about this… so I don’t see any issue in asking. If her spouse would be offended by the mere suggestion despite being able to veto it, that seems very strange to me.

(Obviously we all have different ways to think about this, this is just my impression of the situation.)

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