(Closed) Would you wear your mom’s dress to avoid her hurt feelings?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 32
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you wanna make your mom happy then great- all you really need is a few alternations here and there and the dress probably be something youd like to wear. Just make sure shell be okay with you gettnig rid of the sleeves and doing anythng else youd like to do with it.

 

Post # 33
Member
5072 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

it’s your day.  Your mom had her day.  I don’t understand the idea of moms pushing decades old wedding dresses on their daughters.

It’s nice that you are concerned about her feelings but you deserve to wear a dress you absolutely love.  

 

Post # 34
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@GreenEyedMoon:  Your rehearsal dinner dress is so cute! What a neat idea to use your mom’s dress…I wish my mom still had hers!

OP, honestly, I think that dress would be lovely if it was turned into a sweetheart, maybe with some tulle underneath, and with some kind of sash or broach or something. I would do that in a heartbeat. But, that’s just my personal style, and I would think it’d be cool to wear my mom’s dress. 

But, if you’re doing it ONLY to make your mom happy, and think you’ll be disappointed if you don’t buy a new dress, I would just tell her the truth. She should understand.

The other alternative is maybe to use some of the lace, or make an accessory from some of the fabric, etc, so that you can have some of her dress “in spirit” without actually wearing it.

Good luck!

Post # 35
Member
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

As an alternative to the bridal portrait idea, I know a girl who wore her mother’s dress (unaltered) for her rehearsal, and then wore her own dress for the actual wedding. Maybe that would work?

(This assumes that you are okay with your Fiance seeing you in a wedding dress – even if its not yours –  before the wedding day.)

Post # 36
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Captain013:  he he he he!

 

OP, I happen to think youre mothers dress is very nice. Perhaps remove the puff from the sleeves and keep the lace on the arms? That being said.. I think it its sweet when a mother asks for her daughter to consider the dress she wore.. its cute. But when a mother gets devestated over her daughter saying no.. well, thats worse than a mom calling a shots during her daughters search for her dream dress. She needs to realize she doesnt live through you and you dont live through her. Tell her that in a sweet way so you dont devestate her even more.

Post # 37
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would NOT wear it if she wasn’t willing to let me alter it to modernize it.  It’s very sweet that you’re considering her feelings so much, but you should be happy in the dress you wear.

Post # 38
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

if GreenEyedMoon agreed, maybe you can show your mom the pictures of her mom’s wedding dress/now her rehearsal dress and how lovely it looked after the alterations?  unless you are an experienced seamstress/sew a lot, i think it can be hard to imagine what it might look like so i can see being concerned that the dress would be just ruined.  but look how awesome it can be! 

 

Post # 39
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

It’s not “fair” for you to feel forced to wear your Mom’s dress, when your sisters didn’t. I enjoyed shopping for my dress so much more than I thought I would (and I bought the 12th dress I tried on- did it in less than 2 hours) I love the idea of wearing your Mom’s dress (with sleeves removed) for the rehearsal dinner. The sleeves are what makes the dress so 1972 (?). I don’t know anyone that’s worn their mother’s dress- styles have changed too much.  

Post # 40
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

If the dress is in a style you are happy with, then go for it.  If the style doesn’t suit your figure or the idea you had for your wedding, you should find your own dress.  Is she trying to save money?  How about wearing her veil or remaking the veil so it works for you?  As PP have said, she was able to choose her dress, and you should too.

Post # 41
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee

Nope, wouldn’t do it lol. Sorry mom :-

Post # 42
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think the dress would be fine if the sleeves were removed or altered.  If she refuses to allow it to be altered, I would politely decline and tell her that you would love to wear it, it just isn’t your style as is.

One of the PP’s said something very important:  It is YOUR wedding and your time and she had her time to pick out her dress!  It has sentimental value to your mother and it is understandable that she wants you to wear it, but styles have changed!

My poor mother wanted either me or my sister to wear her dress (which we could have altered at will) but she is 5’6″ and we were both 6’0″ and 5’10” so she was outta luck!

Post # 43
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would gladly wear it with modifications…the history to it would make it that much more special!

Post # 44
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It’s been said by alot of PP’s. Your mum is being a tad unreasonable. She can ask that you wear it and you should be allowed to decline. If you are happy to wear it with alterations then that’s really lovely of you. But you (hopefully) only get one day and one wedding dress and you should be able to have the same fun as most brides choosing your perfect dress.

It’s a lovely idea but an outdated one. With the best intentions in the world, your mum shouldn’t do more than suggest it as an option x

Post # 45
Member
45 posts
Newbee

Maybe alter it to something you can wear to the reception or another part of the wedding and find your own dress for the actual ceremony.

Or how about throwing a special photoshoot session with you in the dress, unaltered, just for fun?

Post # 46
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee

So, I’m opposite – I would LOVE to wear my mom’s dress! But it was a VERY small ceremony (2 witnesses in a botanical garden with an officiant) and she wore a light blue, dress suit thingy.  She doesn’t have it anymore and well, I know blue will not be one of my colours.  But if I probably would do something like wearing her dress in some e-pictures or something, if the dress was still around.

For your situation, I would say you could do her dress in e-pictures OR even wear it for ceremony but then you buy another dress that you want that is all you for the reception. 

Good luck! Or, if your mom is okay with it, have a dress custom made with pieces from her’s to your liking, or use just a small piece of it for your garter or something.

My cousin did something awesome this past summer – she her mom’s dress, almost 40 years old, was falling apart, she used some of the lace in decorations for the welcome table/guest book table and then the biggest piece they could save was used as a cover on her bouquet! They had plain white ribbon to really bind it but then her mom’s dress lace was around that.  Her mom passed away years ago from cancer so she really felt like her mom was there, while her step mom was able to help give her away. 🙂

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