(Closed) Would you wear your mom’s dress to avoid her hurt feelings?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 62
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think you should alter the sleeves but dont take them off completely, just have them made MUCH smaller and more modern. That way your mom can still be happy about it (explain this to her that its just NOT modern and/or your style) since it will still have the sleeves and it will look much better for you : ) In the end its YOUR wedding and you should wear the dress YOU want. Otherwise tell her gently that you wont wear it this way.


She may get hurt but she will get over it im sure!

Post # 63
157 posts
Blushing bee

I think it’s unfair of her to expect you to wear her dress and guilt you into it.


Different times, different styles and choosing your own dress is part of the excitement of being a bride.

Post # 64
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Although, I am the oldest, with no younger sisters. My mother was so upset that I didn’t wear her dress that she didn’t speak to me for a month, and the only reason she spoke to me when she did was that I despretly needed my insurance information because I had a fever that was literally killing me. She has since gotten over it, not sure if it was because she knew i almost died, or because my Grandma talked some sense into her. But it was frustrating. I basicially told her that she had her day and her dress, and I wanted the same thing. her exact words? “Well I guess I got that cleaned and preserved for nothing. I only did it so my daughter could wear it on her wedding day”. 


And I really like the idea of displaying the dresses. I wonder if I could make that work. 

Post # 65
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Vitsippa:  +10


I agree, she picked out her dress, why can’t you? This is the year 2012, not 512. It’s clear by the way you wrote that post that you don’t like the dress, so don’t wear it. If your mom is hurt by it, maybe she needs to stop being so focused on herself and realize that this day isn’t about her, it’s about you, and what you want.

Don’t ever let anyone dictate to you how your wedding or wedding dress should be. Stand your ground.

Post # 66
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you don’t like the dress as it is than just buy your own dress. Your mom doesn’t want it altered. It’s very selfish of your mom to pressure you into using her dress in the first place. But please don’t alter it. if you alter it you are probably still not going to love it as much as you would love a dress you picked out for yourself. Your mom would also feel hurt that her wedding gown was butchered. neither one of you would be happy. Just buy a new dress.

Post # 67
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Point blank:  No, I would not wear my mother’s dress just to make her happy.  If she was really that set on it, I would discuss other options with her, like taking lace from it, etc.

Post # 68
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

When did this thread resurface? Does the OP have an update? 

Post # 69
157 posts
Blushing bee

@brandybelle: A wedding I went to had the wedding dresses of the bride and grooms mothers on display in the foyer of the reception hall, which I thought was a nice idea. We couldn’t do it because my mother sold her wedding dress because she needed the money, but it is a cool idea 🙂

Post # 70
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Actually, if the poofy part of the sleeve at the shoulder was removed, and the lace applique sleeve was continued as it is from the wrist all the way up to the shoulder, then the dress would be perfect. I love the train as is, as well as the lace detailing along the neckline. You could add a scatter of Swarovski crystals along the neckline and down the skirt of the dress, but it’s not necessary. It really is a beautiful gown!  I considered using my mom’s dress as well, but it is from ’76, with big poofy sleeves from shoulder to wrist and a very high neck collar. It is also a ball gown/princess type cut skirt, which is a shape I don’t think flatters me very much. Too many changes would have had to be made to the dress, so I went and bought my own. How lovely of you to consider using your mom’s dress!

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