(Closed) Would you work with a religious vendor?

posted 9 years ago in Secular
Post # 17
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Just because someone is Christian and is open about their religion doesn’t mean they are against gay marriage or are working to stop it from being legalized.  Identifying with Christianity doesn’t mean that you agree with ALL the same ideas and principles.  It’s very unfair to judge someone without asking them first what their opinion on the topic is… it’s kind of like doing to others exactly what you don’t want done to you. Just a thought.  

Post # 18
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 1997

@scaredofreligion:   Well I am a minister. I personally do not care if you are a  same-sex or opposite-sex couple; it is not for me to judge. I have no problem with anyones beliefs as long as they do not verbally or physically hurt others. I accept everyone for who they are, no matter who their partner in life is or is not. I believe love is more important than gender partners or religious issues.

 I think you should base your judgement on each individual you met and not go by stereotypes. As you yourself do not want to be judged by a stereotype.

Post # 19
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013


For the people who are using harsh words for the OP–you are not likely to be either homosexual or atheist so please understand that you just don’t understand.  Individuals who are part of one or both of these groups, especially in the South and triply so for the rural areas, have been burned by people many many times in the name of religion and we have a lot of reason to mistrust religious people.  

I know that there are exceptions but until I know for sure that they aren’t going to freak out on me, I treat openly religious people with extreme caution because the freak out can come when you least expect it.  I’ve been asked to leave a restaurant (a fellow patron knew that I was atheist and told the owner who asked me to leave–I was just eating a sandwich), I’ve literally been hit physically with a bible and I’ve been screamed at/yelled at/lectured more times than I care to count.  

Think of wild animals–they won’t get anywhere near you until they are sure you’re not going to hurt them.  Atheists and homosexuals have to be the same way because the exceptions are sadly, few and far between.  The OP is right to be cautious and assess the situation.  If everything else was totally equal, I’d probably pick the less religious vendor for safety’s sake, just like how many religious people would not patronize the atheist vendor–except my fear is real.

Post # 20
4369 posts
Honey bee

I’m an atheist and I find people who are pushy about their religion annoying. I do not want to work with annoying people, but I don’t mind working with religious people who keep it to themselves. I don’t know why religion would typically come up anyway. 

Post # 21
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@CorgiTales:  wow that was rude, I don’t think that everyone who doesn’t share your religous views thinks you are delusional! I’m an atheist, and I don’t label muslims, jews, or christians as delusional! But when you are planning a wedding–and doing it in a way that a christian person may not agree with–it’s sometimes hard for them to hold back their criticism

That doesn’t make them terrible horrible people, it just means that maybe they aren’t the best choice of vendor for your wedding


I’m planning a secular wedding in Hawaii, and we’re still on the fence about using a Hawaiian minister or a judge–it’s not because we’re against christians, but because we haven’t found one who is willing to perform a secular ceremony—you know the way WE want it for OUR wedding—the same goes for the photographer–if the photographer were uber-christian they might make us feel uncomfortable for our choices–I wouldn’t leap to that conclusion based solely on their religous background, but it would be a concern—and we’re not a same sex couple!

Post # 22
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

We didn’t seek out secular vendors, it just happened this way. I was always dead set against being married by a religious figure or in a church or anything, but if my caterer was Christian or Muslim or anything else, it wouldn’t have bothered me.

As long as vendors do their jobs and are professional about it, I don’t see the problem.

Post # 23
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Being that we live on the north end of the Bible Belt, most of our vendors are explicitly Christian (example: on their websites, we’ll see blurbs such as “None of my success would have been possible without my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ”).  They are all lovely, professional people who have been nothing but respectful of our choices, and we’re thrilled to work with them.  I will say that we would like for our officiant to be secular, or at least to specialize in secular unions.  That’s merely in the interest of having a ceremony that is authentic to us and our (non)beliefs.

Post # 24
3315 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My brother and sister are both Catholic.  And they were both front and center at our (same-sex Jewish) wedding.  Not all religious people are bigots.

Post # 25
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well the female pastor at the Baptist church I went to in college had a wife, so while I respect your right to not want people who would judge you yo be your vendor just because someone is religious does not mean they will.

There are religious groups that support gay marriage just as there are those that oppose it. 

Post # 26
2353 posts
Buzzing bee

I am a devout Christian, and I am working as hard as I can towards a world in which your marriage can be legal, your love for each other is celebrated instead of dismissed or disrespected, and what makes social conservaties uncomfortable is not used as a reason to deny people their civil (and just basic human) rights. One of the hardest things for me to deal with is the immense damage some Christians do to people.

Are the phtographer’s posts specifically anti-gay, or just religious? Please know that not all religious people are uncomfortable with same-sex couples. If the posts are just generally religious, and aren’t using religious language to write discriminatory posts, it may be that your photographer is one of the many religious people out there like me, who are happy that you’re happy, and make no distinction between same-sex or opposite-sex couples. 

Post # 27
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think that you should re read your post and flip the script. If a christian bride posted about finding out that her photographer was an athiest homosexual and suddenly felt uncomfortable to have that photographer provide a service at her wedding you would think she was being terrible.

There’s a mentality at work here where you seem to think any Christian is going to quietly judge your choices… it’s a judgment in and of itself. I think if your photographer had an issue with the nature of your union he wouldn’t have taken the job.

I’m atheist by the way. I  just thought it was worth mentioning that my point of view doesn’t come from alignment with christianity, it comes from an alignment with wedding photographers. I wouldn’t want my christian brides to hem and haw about their choice to book me because they found out I wasn’t down with Jesus.. It has nothing to do with my work, or ability to operate my camera. Try to remeber that of your photographer.


Post # 28
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I guess it depends on what it was for. Photography, probably not. Most things, no way. I am, however, borrowing chairs from the church next door to my best friends’ house, which is where my wedding is being held. It’s convenient and will be free. I will add, though, that this is not a situation in which me or any of my guests would be judged…and this church has been a very friendly neighbor to my friends. 

Post # 29
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

View original reply
@zomgwut:  I’m sorry you’ve been through all of that, its terrible, but did you really compare behaviors of people with certain religious beliefs/sexual identifies to those of wild animals??

I would not feel comfortable working with any vendors who are disrespectful.  Has the photographer been professional and courteous?  If so, I wouldn’t worry about it.  He has as much of a right to express his beliefs as you do yours on your personal facebook account.

Post # 30
6255 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

View original reply
@scaredofreligion:  There are Christians out there who support gay marriage. I am one of them, and maybe your photographer is, too. I think the thing to do would be to have an open and frank discussion with him about it to make sure there aren’t any weird feelings. If you get a “vibe” from him, find someone else, but if he’s great about it and you choose someone else just because he is religious, that’s not really any better than people judging you because of your lifestyle choices (Not like you seem that you’d actually do that, but some people do!) 

Also, keep in mind that a lot of people who call themselves religious are almost certainly doing it wrong. Jesus preached love, and spent his time around tax collectors and harlots. He was obviously pretty nonjudgmental of people as people, despite being obviously anti-sin. At the end of the day, it isn’t any one person’s job to judge others–it’s God’s job. And though some Biblical evidence suggests that past a certain point, all sins are the same, I still think it’s way more egregiously wrong to usurp the Lord’s role as judger of souls, than to be in love with someone of your own gender.


That’s just my two cents.

Post # 31
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Why is everyone attacking corgi? She said  more or less the same things you guys did….

 Op I get that your hurt and overly religiou. People make you nervous, with good reason, but you have to remember that not ALL religious people are like that. 

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