(Closed) Would/Do you pay your mother/MIL for childcare?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Would/Do you pay your mother/MIL to care for your baby?
    Yes : (30 votes)
    18 %
    No : (30 votes)
    18 %
    Yes, theres no question. It's work to care for a baby : (80 votes)
    47 %
    No, I don't feel you should pay family : (30 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    5670 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    While I say yes you should be compensated, I have never heard of parents being paid for watching thier grandchildren. I know a lot of people whose parents and in-laws watch their kids during the day since they cannot afford daycare or need that money. I personally wouldn’t ask my mother or mil to watch my child because then it ties up their days and is not fair for them if we decided to have another child then it affects them not just me and my husband. In your case $50 is not a lot of money and if you need that then I couldn’t imagine them not paying you. I know my parents would never accept any money and since day care runs $400+ a week I would feel terrible only paying someone $50.

    Post # 48
    Member
    5493 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    If I ever offered my mom money to watch her own grandchild she would probably think I had gone insane. 

    I think family doesn’t end at the nuclear family of parents and child.  The grandparents should be just as involved in the child’s life as the parents.  So if they offer to watch the kid it’s not work, it’s part of family responsibility.  When I was a child I was with my grandparents half the time I would say. They picked me up from school, drove me to ballet, etc.  And my parents took over in the evening when they got home from work.

    This of course goes both ways.  If my parents ever need me to take care of them, I would and would never expect payment.  

    Post # 49
    Member
    71 posts
    Worker bee

    My sister just had her first baby and my mother is a LIVE IN NANNY.  It’s a tough schedule (6am – 6pm) 7 days a week and my mom doesn’t officially get paid.  My sister, however, pays for all the bills (since she’s live-in), provides all the food, supplies, entertainment, etc etc.  She also provides my mom with anything else she needs and some spending cash.  I’m going to guess that this is comprable to your $50/wk.  

     

    Though a lot of moms would reject money, “it’s family, it shouldn’t matter”, these small gestures are really important.  It can really help reduce family stress and resentment.  What’s $50 a week if it ensures that everyone is HAPPY?  What’s $50 if some of that is going to go right back to your grandchildren!  

     

    My mom loves it and totally enjoys having her bit of “spending cash” (which goes right back to the family).  It’s more than reasonable; it’s respectful and considerate.  

    Post # 50
    Member
    908 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I just asked my Fiance how he would feel about it, and he says he would be ashamed that he hadn’t offered if you had to ask about being paid. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I would pay family to take care of a baby (where you are the primary care giver, once in a while situations are different).  While my mother or Mother-In-Law probably would not accept payment, I would offer, and if not accepted make sure they were compensated in other ways.  It is alot of work to care for a baby, and a huge time commitment.  

    Post # 52
    Member
    1882 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    So far my great aunt has taken care of my daughter since she was 3 months old. We started out at $250 a week, then after a year we paid her $300 and she got paid days off and we paid her when she took vacation. Now, HER daughter is ill and she needs to be on call, so my sister is watching my daughter. I will pay my sister the same amount with paid vacation and sick days.

    If my Mother-In-Law was caring for my daughter, I would do the same. AND I feel like this amount is on the low side, but they both have health insurance and other benefits, so it’s not like I am totally supporting their living expenses.

    If it is not treated as a “job” there is too much wiggle room for confusion and “advantage taking” A grandparent is NOT responsible for their grandchild ( unless god forbid there is some type of tragedy. A grandparent is the icing on the cake and should never be taken advantage of or used as a free babysitter.  “helping out’ does not mean “caretaker” I would never treat my parents like that, I have too much respect for them and for how hard they have worked.

    Post # 53
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @I’ll Be Mrs B

    Honestly! It’s nice of you to offer to do this for your son but your committment (hours and days combined) for babysitting is equivalent to that of a full time job especially if you intend to clean, do laundry, cook in addition to caring for a young baby.  IF you were doing this for a short period of time, say a week while they take vacation or even a long weekend, I would easily say you’re the grandmother, do it for free!

    However, the situation you described is much more equivalent to that of a full-time job. In which case, I think you should be compensated for your time and your work AND the amount you qouted is fairly low, but understandably so because its your grandaughter at which case as long as everyone agrees on a fair rate I think they should pay you “something”. I hope your son and DIL agree.

    FWIW, this is exactly what my SO mother does for a living, for years.  And if she were to ever take care of our kids (though non-existent they may be at the moment) for 4-5 days a week all day long, I wouldnt dream of NOT paying her.

    Just my 2 cents.

     

    Post # 54
    Member
    2425 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I tend to think you shouldn’t have to pay family. I know my mom and I have discussed it (because she has a friend who charges her son a lot to babysit her grandbaby) and my mom wouldn’t want to charge me.

    If you are travelling a lot to get there though, covering your gas would be fine. Also I wouldn make sure you didn’t have to pay for anything for the baby yourself (food, diapers, supply, etc)

    Is there any reason why you have to watch the baby at their house? I don’t see why they can’t bring her to your house, so you can do things like housework and such while she naps. You are doing them a huge favor by watching their baby for (virtually) free, so I feel like it should be tailored to what’s convenient for YOU!

    Post # 55
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    We’ve discussed the possibility if Mother-In-Law watching our baby if I move back in with them for a year while Darling Husband is traveling for school (long story) while I work. It’s all hypothetical, but I voted “no” in the poll because I guarantee my in-laws wouldn’t accept $$. They pay for some of our living expenses right now anyway b/c Darling Husband is in med school and didn’t take out loans (another long story). Theoretically, we’d be saving them $. Although if my parents were to watch the kid, I’d at least offer. I think they’d probably take a minimal amount on principle.

    Post # 56
    Member
    10452 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I think it kind of depends on the situation. Yes it’s absolutely a lot of work and time, but in my family if my stay at home mother was going to look after any kids I might have, there would be absolutely no point in paying her. My parents are extremely well off and some token amount of money would serve no purpose to them. I don’t know what I’d do instead though, because it is asking a lot of her (or you). 

    Post # 57
    Member
    14949 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Meowkers:  Yes, I agree 100%

    Post # 58
    Member
    7371 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Knowing my Mother-In-Law she would never take it, but it would defintely be offered. Even if she says no, we would manage to supplement her in some way whether she wants it or not. It should never be assumed that the grandparents or any family memeber time should be “free” or just because we are family. For instance I don’t charge my family for weekends or ocassional babysitting. But if someone is watching your child for more than 4 days week, I think some kind of compensation should be offered.

    Post # 59
    Member
    813 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    My gran watched us (3 of us) when we were growing up. She came to our house everyday before my parents left for work (say 7am) and stayed until one of them got home (5ish). She started watching us when my brother was in kindergarten, after that we were all in school. She just stayed at our house all day, watched tv, made us lunch, napped, ironed, etc.

    I beleive she was paid $300 ish a week by my parents.. we weren’t home half the time (at school!) and this was over 10 years ago.

     

    I think $50 is too little if anything. You are a very good grandma!

    Post # 61
    Member
    768 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    i would absolutely pay my mom or Mother-In-Law in this situation as it’s a regular thing, not even just once a week! if they refused the money, i would pay for a house cleaner or a nice purse or SOMETHING to compensate them. i know my mom is going to be more than willing to watch my LO when she arrives, but at 4 days a week, i would feel like a scrooge if i didn’t do something and especially if she asked for only $50 per week!

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