(Closed) Would/Do you pay your mother/MIL for childcare?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Would/Do you pay your mother/MIL to care for your baby?
    Yes : (30 votes)
    18 %
    No : (30 votes)
    18 %
    Yes, theres no question. It's work to care for a baby : (80 votes)
    47 %
    No, I don't feel you should pay family : (30 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 92
    Member
    1652 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @PinkMagnolia:  Exactly. I will help take care of parents when they older for example.

    Also our parents would never see their grandchildren as a ‘job’, since they are family. I think our parents would be offended if we offered them money.

    Post # 93
    Member
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    When I was finishing up school I worked during the day and took three night classes each week and my mother watched my baby girl. She refused to take any kind of payment, even though she worked at her real job from 8 am – 5 pm and then immediately picked up baby girl from daycare and watched her till 10-ish. I know she was exhausted and tired and in pain by the time she came home from work (she has arthritis and spine/hip problems) but she absolutely wouldn’t take any money from me. So I did other things, like go grocery shopping for her (since walking around the store for that long made her pain worse) and run errands, housework, etc. It was a good system.

    If you’re torn on whether or not to take compensation, maybe you could take the $50 per week and save a portion of it for your granddaughter (like in a college savings account or something). That way you get to enjoy having some extra spending money but you don’t need to feel guilty about taking compensation, because in a way it’s benefitting the baby’s future.

    Post # 94
    Member
    6009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @flamingred:  My thoughts, exactly.  I think if you treat a situation like this too informally, it can backfire.  I’d rather take all the precautions like drawing up a contract and paying someone to care for my child to ensure that everyone is in agreement and that there is a backup plan in case something happens.  I just wouldn’t be comfortable asking someone (even my mom) to watch my child on a full-time basis without any kind of compensation.

    Post # 95
    Member
    1812 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    If it was 4 days a week, I would certainly offer something to whoever from my family was looking after the baby, for a day or two, I probably wouldn’t but leave some money on the side for expenses, mostly because I know it wouldn’t be accepted if it was “pay”.

    Post # 96
    Member
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Meowkers:  “The last thing I want to add is that my view on the matter might be due to culture differences.  I’ve noticed that many other cultures see child rearing as a group effort among the extended family while Americans view of family is nuclear family centric.  

     

    You’re so right about this.
     

    Post # 97
    Member
    215 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think it is the height of entitled to have a child and then expect someone else to take care of it full time for free. It’s one thing if the mother offers but to expect?  No. I find a little bit of pay goes a long ways into keeping some boundaries in place too and I suspect that is what your husband was trying to do. I would never ask my mother to do full time day care for free. 

    Post # 98
    Member
    2783 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @PinkMagnolia:  I disagree with this statement. She has already raised her son, she is not responsible for raising his children for free, too.

    OP, I think you have every right to ask for what you are asking for: that is a small amount of money, and you are taking on what amounts to a full-time job.

    I would insist on paying my parents in this situation: what you are doing for them is a job they would have to hire someone else to do-paying you (significantly!) less to do the same thing gives them the best of both worlds.

    Plus, it also gives them the right to dictate how they want you to raise their child: for example, as the child gets older they may want you to help with toilet training using their methods, or punish the child in accordance with the way they would….to me, they don’t have the right to ask any of that from you if you are doing all this as a favour to them.

    Post # 99
    Member
    1652 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I’m in the UK and I know lots of people whose grandparents have their children or babies for several days a week without a question of payment. It’s not the norm in my area. A contract with our parents would seem unnatural.

    Post # 100
    Member
    1434 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I would pay my Mother-In-Law in this case because

    1- it’s a regular thing…not a sporadic weekends thing

    2- they are asking you to go to their place. I believe if they are asking you to leave your home and drive over all day then yes, they have to pay you.

    I personally would never ask my mom or Mother-In-Law to babysit at my house. I don’t think it’s respectful because its too inconveniencing for them. You’re already doing them such an invaluable favor:)

     

    Post # 101
    Member
    1390 posts
    Bumble bee

    @PinkMagnolia:  That’s a really good point. We took care of my grandparents for years, starting with house cleaning and grocery shopping and escalating to the point where my grandmother lived with us and at nineteen and I was her primary caregiver. We were definitely not paid and I never thought anything of it. That’s very much a part of our family structure so it works both ways, both with elderly parents/grandparents as well as with babies and toddlers. I think that’s key here and it’s important to know how your family operates and what’s comfortable to you.

    Post # 102
    Member
    1695 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    My Mother-In-Law is going to watch my child at her home.  And we’ll be paying her $700 a month.  It’s only fair, in my opinion. She’s doing us a HUGE favor!!

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