(Closed) Wow. Never thought I'd have to write about my FMIL drama.

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

umm I think these has more to do with your So then then your FMIL he is an adult and charge of his own bad behavior. He sounds borderline abusive, and it’s definitly not how he should speak to you.

I feel really horrible for you are you guys married yet?

Post # 4
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Get out why you still can…Mommy has attached her apron strings again.

Either that or confront her…infront of him.

*BIG HUGS* hunni, I’m sorry this bull S&*( is happening 

My EX MIL tried to get into a punch up with me because I had a cup of tea and put the cup in the sink, rather than wash it out straight away (I had done EVERYONES washing, mowed the lawns and spring cleaned the lounge room) but she cracked it over a cup…So yes, I know the crazy MIL….

Post # 5
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

No good can come from living with your in laws.

Post # 6
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

First, I guess I’d like to ask when this conversation about you occurred between him and his mother.

Second, I’d like for you to tell him that decisions in your relationship or marriage are made between the two of you, not the three of you–or the two of them.

Third, I’d like to know how long you’re supposed to be staying there? Cause it doesn’t sound healthy for you or your anxiety issues.

 

Post # 7
Member
511 posts
Busy bee

@HelleCat:  Nothing good can come from a SO not understanding your mental health issues.  It’s not surprising that there’s a huge stigma still attached when people like your SO and FMIL are so willing to say “It’s all in your head.”  The fact that, technically, they are correct does not mean that their statement comes without judgment.  Yes, your brain chemistry is all screwed up when you don’t take your meds, and your brain is in your head, right? Often we cannot overcome the emotional manifestation of mental illness without pharmacological intervention. It’s not a sign of weakness, unless of course you are a superhero who only needs some spandex and a cape to rule the world. Personally, I find his remarks ignorant and unkind.

As for living with your FMIL, do you absolutely have to? This sounds like a recipe for disaster already, and that can’t be helping your state of mind.  Yes, there will be a period of adjustment for you all, but your SO is acting like a dinkus and he needs to grow up.  PMDD is not exactly a frolic through a field of wildflowers and I’m sorry that you’re feeling so bad with it.  Your man needs to be supporting you and trying to ease your discomfort rather than being an arse….because that’s seriously how he’s behaving. All he’s going to end up with, if he keeps pushing his mother on you, is living at home with her, alone.

Hugs… and keep your chin up.

Post # 10
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Thaaaaaaaaaat is terrible and I hope you pointed out all the things you did around the house since you moved in like you did to us, not to mention the hypocrisy of his statements, and then asked him what his problem was!!  Agreed that if you can, you probably should find another place to stay that’s not surrounded by his family.

Post # 11
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’d also like to advise you not to respond to what he is saying right away. Just look at him, give a few seconds of silence, because in that silence, what he says “echos” in his mind and in the room. Let statements that you don’t like echo in the room for him to hear and then repeat what he said to him. That way, you make sure he actually heard what he just told you.

So, for example, the first thing he said. Let there be 5 seconds of silence and then say, “So you and your mother think I’m a lazy ass and I’m not doing anything around the house?” Then silence until he speaks.

If you feel he won’t listen to you or you’re not getting in a word, tell him that you’re going to stop the conversation until he is clamer and able to objectively listen to your responses. If he’s giving out a laundry list of life instructions, tell him that you’ll take it under advisement and let him know if you choose to do any of those things.

But it’s never good to go on the defensive. Don’t defend yourself. Just assert yourself.

 

Post # 12
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@HelleCat:  Oh, I see what happened. He went to get your a drink, told his mom that’s what he was doing and she launched into your “laziness.”

Post # 14
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Wow I can’t  believe you didn’t get another migrane.  What an asshat.  You two need some time alone and get refocused on things that are going to happen and what your expectations and his are.  Maybe you and his mother could have a chat wherein you enlighten her about how your body works?  She may have no idea.

Post # 15
Hostess
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

His mother can think whatever she wants…the concerning thing is that your SO is taking her side. Even if you were sitting around all day (which you’re not,) he should tell his mother that he’ll talk to you and you’ll work it out. He should not conspire with her to think of all the things you’re doing wrong. 

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