(Closed) WOW. Ridiculous fight with shoplifting, arrogant ex-friend. Was I in the wrong?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should I have brought up her shoplifting? Would you ever forgive her for what she said? Pick 2.

    No, bringing up her shoplifting was a low blow. Let her think she doesn't break rules.

    Yes, she was acting like she never breaks rules, and you had evidence to the contrary.

    No, I would never forgive her calling me "socially inept" and saying I had no friends.

    Yes, she was angry because you had thrown a low blow.

  • Post # 32
    Member
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    This women sounds very unhappy and very full of drama.  I’d avoid this friendship in the future.

    But, FWIW, she is right about the bike thing.  It is much safer to bike with traffic (and that is the law).

    Post # 33
    Member
    1170 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Let me say there is a huge cultural gap between someone in their 20’s and someone in their 60’s.

    Whereas men and women in this day and age are taught to speak their mind, women back in that time didnt really have a voice. They listened to their fathers, they listened to their husbands, and then they listened to their children grow up and tell them what they should do,.

    Their whole lives were centered around family and being proper. In turn younger people from that era were taught to always respect your elders, even if you didnt like what they had to say.You mentioned that she criticizes people for their appearance. Understand in her day, people still actually dressed for dinner. Men didnt come to the table unless they were clean. Thats not always the case now.

    If you talk to alot of people from that generation its the same. They criticize everything and everyone. Its just their way. It isnt a personal thing. More like they dont really understand what happened in society.

    Also you mentioned she said keep puffing on that cigarette you slob. Years ago, men didnt smoke in front of women. Also you dont know for sure if she lost someone to cancer because of cigarette smoke.

    I get that you were frustrated with her attitude. However she lives alone in a world that changed. In her day of living, the world was a completely different place with completely different attitudes.

    Usually in their situations the best advice I can give is to nod, agree and placate them. As far as the shoplifting goes. I saw where a man purposefully got sent to jail because he couldnt afford his prescriptions for his heart medicine. He knew in jail he would get good medical care. Its a sad and unfortunate thing when elderly persons can afford medicine. As for the make up stealing, could be that she lacks friendship and as some people are apt to say, bad publicity and attention is better than no attention.

    Also put yourself in her shoes at her age. In an age where glamour is expected, skinny women are gracing the covers of all the fashion magazines, and its apparently worse than death to live past 60, she may feel irrelevant in these times. What do we celebrate or revere about women of age and wisdom. If you follow the trends, you certainly wont see them on the covers of fashion mags or gracing the runways. Also to be quite honest and if anyone disagrees you havent been paying attention. Most people dress like trailer park trash these days. No offense to those who grew up in trailer parks. She simply could have been referring to their attire as offensive and slobby.

    Also the fact that she called you like nothing happened could be a sign that she doesnt remember it. She might be experiencing early on set dementia or alzheimers disease.

    Dont fight with her…just be nice if you see her and if you notice personality changes then you might want to get in touch with her family.

    Post # 34
    Member
    609 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @hidingmyface:  The funny thing is, she has no friends! She has alienated herself from everyone with her sanctimonious, self-righteous, ignorant attitude. Nobody could understand why I spent time with her. She is obnoxious in general bc she’s judgmental.

    You are judging her. You are also in the wrong. You posted here asking for an opinion, and mine is you are just as wrong as she is.

    Post # 35
    Member
    170 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    View original reply
    @TexasSpringBride:  I get what you’re saying about the generational differences, and I even agree that that’s the case. However, I feel like you’re being unduly harsh on the OP. It is NOT her responsibility to care for this woman. It is completely within OP’s right to end the friendship. This woman is toxic, aggressive, and brings the OP down – the reason behind her actions don’t matter. Life is too precious to put up with people like that, and she owes this woman absolutely nothing. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    1170 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    View original reply
    @AlmostMrsDoc:  I wasnt putting the OP down. Far from it. I was just explaining generational differences. Of course its her right to end the friendship. However I did mention that if she happen to run into her again, just smile and nod and move on. No where did I have to say she had to stay friends with the woman.

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