(Closed) Wow! This string is long!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

good luck and *hugs* for you….. time for him to figure this all you- you have been patient long enough.

Post # 5
Member
659 posts
Busy bee

good luck! hope everything goes the way you want it to.

Post # 6
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

stay strong and stand your ground. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

So sad that he thinks that way. Our lives are by no means over since we got married, i actually think we are more alive and assured of ourselves than ever before.  there’s something about knowing you have a partner to share in all your adventures that makes it so awesome!  what if you guys drop the wedding talk for right now, and just talk about the future and all the awesome adventures you guys will have??? that way you can prove to him that life is not over once you get married, it has only just begun 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Im so sorry to hear he is thinking that way! I hope your next talk goes better, but do not waver too much from what you want and are feeling. It sounds to me like maybe he is a bit down at the moment but it is not your fault that he never experienced the single life he wants!

Post # 10
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@desertgirl: This may be a hard thing to consider: 

I assume that you were dating in his youth/college days and therefore he’s never really been a “single” guy. 

Are you ok with the idea that he might wake up one day, having been married for years, kids jumping on the bed and start to regret not sleeping around, to resent you and the kids? This idea scares the crap out of me personally.

Would you be open to letting him spread his seed around a bit now? Before any sort of commitment. Guidelines of what is and is not ok would have to be set, STD tests done and a timeline for the end of this freedom. But it’s something to consider. What would hurt more: Loosing him, or having him sleep with someone else with your permission?

Sometimes people get into relationships too quickly and they miss out on some things, if you can at all avoid regret then you should (I think).

Again, it’s a really tough idea to think about, but it does work for some people. 

Post # 11
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

*hugs* please update us on the second talk!

Post # 13
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

awwww- well I hope something happens soon- a little progress does wonders for a waiting soul *hugs*

Post # 14
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I have a friend who dated someone who felt he hadn’t really dated around enough (they were college students).   He loved her, wanted to marry her, but was always going to regret not dating others because she was really his first relationship.  (He also mentioned something about curiosity abt guys as well.)  So they broke.  They were separate for about 8? months.  He then came back to her and said, ok!  I got it out of my system, we can date again now.  She said, YOU may be ready, but I’m dating someone else now.  She did end up breaking up w/guy #2 for other reasons, it was a shortish relationship, got back with guy #1 and they got married. 

Soooo that was a long tale to say that he needs to decide if he can get over this “lack of single life.”  It very glamorized, but most guys hate being single.  If he can’t, then you need to “take a break.”  But he needs to realize that he risks losing you with this decision (because I do not think you should sit around waiting for him to come back).  But….he shouldn’t be making these decisions while depressed.  Gotta get a handle on that.  It’s tough on both of you, I’ve been there with a depressed SO. 

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