- 6 years ago
- Wedding: February 2013
Def. a compliment for me!!
Def. a compliment for me!!
@MrsPanda99: Well, I didn’t mean it that way. I just mean that sometimes you can allow yourself to feel offended instead of just deciding that the person obviously meant it as a compliment. I’ve struggled with weight all my life – constantly up and down. I never get offended about a comment of losing weight, I love it when people realize that I’m losing weight! I’m working to lose weight, so I want people to notice.
@MrsPanda99 : Congrats on the weight loss! I have/am in your position now. I’ve lost 64lbs to date and am hoping for 5-10lbs more before my wedding. I understand people mean well when they say it (or they don’t have a filter), but that phrase irks me. I’d much rather hear “you look good!” because ‘thanks!’ as a response doesn’t really open the field to more questions like “what have you been doing?” “can you eat ____?” “don’t lose too much more!” etc. I personally don’t like explaining more than necessary to anyone. It’s my WLJ and if I want to share with you, I will. If not, be prepared for snark!
@MrsPanda99: I avoid commenting on weight in all aspects. You never know how people will take it, even despite good intentions.
That’s why I’m generally indifferent to those comments. I never know what they really mean to say and I’m not going to worry about it.
I had a very round face in high school, even though I weighed less then than I do now. I think it was just baby fat. Anyway, a few years later I ran into someone from high school and she said, “OMG, lulu, I didn’t even recognize you because your face has thinned out so much!”
Uhhh, thanks? I definitely took it as a back-handed compliment, but that’s also partly because she wasn’t nice to me in high school.
But to me, it sounds like she was genuinely trying to pay you a compliment 🙂 Also, congrats on the weight loss!
The only time I hesitate at the comment is when I haven’t lost any weight at all. Someone will say, “You look great! You look like you’re losing weight!” after I’ve actually gained ten pounds, and I’ll wonder if they’re being honest or just saying something they think is nice.
Otherwise, I’m not gonna lie, I do think I look better after losing some weight. It isn’t that I looked bad or ugly before, but I can definitely see the change in myself and I feel a lot better when I look in the mirror. I went from 200+ lbs down to 180, where I’m still hovering. I don’t think that anyone thought I looked ugly before, but I couldn’t blame them if they thought I looked better after. I don’t think they’re meaning to say “you looked terrible before, now you look good”, I think they’re just trying to be encouraging and acknowledge the efforts I’ve made.
I will comment, b/c hell, i feel like the person should be complemented on their hard work and to know that yes, other people are seeing results. But i try not to say it in a way to make them feel like they were huge before the weight loss.
@MrsPanda99: For a split second when I get that sort of comment I feel good about myself, but then I just feel not good about myself because it makes me think that people will only compliment me when I’ve lost weight as if I was sick or something pre-weight loss. It puts pressure on me to keep that weight down or to lose even more weight, because losing more weight = more compliments.
I wish more people would comment on my weight loss. I’ve worked really hard and when I do hear compliments I love it.
I can understand how you may think negatively about compliments like that. Don’t look at it in a negative way though, look at it as a compliment that you are looking healthy and achieving your goals.
I’ve lost 45 lbs this year and am 5’3″, so it looks like a lot more. People are always saying this to me and I always take it as a compliment. I WAS fat before, that’s why I’ve lost weight! It’s just a fact. My Fiance has recently complimented me on how great my butt looks now (smaller, tighter) and again, it’s a compliment. It WAS bigger before. I don’t understand how comments like that are taken offensively, unless someone said “thank God you’ve finally lost all that fat, you look good now” or something rude like that. But just gushing about how good I look? I’ll take it, every time! ;o)
ETA: I’ve never struggled with an eating disorder and can see how that type of comment could irk you if you ddid also, I based my response on OP saying she was trying to lose weight. Since she was trying, and people noticed, I’d take that as a compliment!
Here’s my take:
I love when people comment on my appearance (e.g: you look so good! you look so healthy!). But I have mixed feelings about comments on weight.
I have a friend who has struggled with anorexia for all her life, and she says that she would use people’s comments to fuel her unhealthy habits, and that these people had no idea she had an eating disorder. Unless you know for a fact that the person is doing it through healthy methods, it’s better to avoid weight-related comments.
If you focus on comments about how healthy and/or happy the person looks (providing it’s sincere), then it’s more positive overall 🙂 If that person has been improving their habits, it’ll be positive reinforcement and they might share their secrets with you! There is also less chance that you’ll offend the person, in my opinion.
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