Post # 1
Next weekend is both my bridal shower and bachelorette party. I have three bridesmaids, and I thought they had everything under control. I was so wrong! Maid/Matron of Honor has been telling me for months that she’s got everything taken care of. I talked to Bridesmaid A today, who said something like “I don’t want to put you in the middle or involve you in any drama, but what is up with MOH? I have been asking questions about everything, and she tells me she’s got everything taken care of. Then she leaves me a message asking me if I’ve done X, Y, and Z yet, which I didn’t even know I was supposed to do.”
Maid/Matron of Honor has apparently not been communicating with Bridesmaids A and B and also has not been doing everything that she tells me she has done. We are going to a baseball game to start off my bachelorette, and a limo is taking us there. No, Maid/Matron of Honor never booked a limo. Bridesmaid A gets to call and try to book one this week.
Bridesmaid A called Maid/Matron of Honor and asked about decorations and if she should buy some. Maid/Matron of Honor said she will take care of them, and when Bridesmaid or Best Man A asked what she’s getting, Maid/Matron of Honor said “oh you know, whatever.” Bridesmaid or Best Man A is going to buy some this week.
So after 2 months of us all thinking that the parties were taken care of, my other two bridesmaids have less than a week to book a limo, plan the rest of my bachelorette party, and put together a shower. We at least have the shower venue booked, because my mother took care of that a long time ago. I was told the shower guest list isn’t even accurate – Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t record responses for a lot of people, so we have an unusually high number of blank responses.
I’m so upset that this has become so stressful for bridesmaids A and B. They are wonderful women and I know they can put together amazing parties for me.
Anyone else having drama like this?
Post # 3
Ack! Sounds complicated. I know I would not deal well with this. I’ve only been engaged for a week, but I know I’m going to have to work really hard on not becoming a bridezilla. I’d flip out if this happened to me!
I guess the best thing you can do is just stay calm and don’t be too fussy about the details. Also I’d offer to help your BMs seeing they have lots to do and not much time.
Post # 4
I think you really should try to stay out of the middle of this unless its absolutely necessary. It stinks she isn’t communicating with the others and then making them rush around to figure things out, but nothing has really fallen through the cracks yet.
Post # 5
That’s terrible for your bridesmaids! If I were you, I would actually tell the other two bridesmaids that both you and your mother (if she is willing) would be happy to help take on some of the planning. That way you can lessen the burden on the other two bridesmaids.
Is your Maid/Matron of Honor usually flakey? Is it normal within your friends for the bridal party to be responsible for the shower and bachelorette party, or is it possible that your Maid/Matron of Honor resents having to plan these events?
As bad as this situation is, it would have been much worse if the other bridesmaids had taken your Maid/Matron of Honor at her word, and not realized the problem. They seem very responsible, and must care about you a lot!
Post # 6
I agree with professor…start taking on those responsibilities because unfortunately, she doesnt look like she is doing her job, which is unfair to everyone else who is involved.
I would also try and get someone to talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor and ask her to step up to the plate a little better. She should really have had this planned out a long time ago.
Post # 7
@professor: No, she has never been flaky. We’re all so surprised by it. It’s normal in our circle for the bridal party to handle everything, and she talked to me for months about how she couldn’t wait to plan them.
The other two bridesmaids emailed me today and told me what they got done today – I am amazed with them, they’ve taken care of almost everything in one day! Bridesmaid A had the day off so she spent it on the phone with a bunch of places booking things and going out to buy things. I offered to help with some of it but they refused and said they would take care of it for me.
I found out later after posting this that two people from my shower list were never invited. I was pretty much keeping my cool, because I knew the other stuff would be okay, but this upset me! The one thing that Maid/Matron of Honor did do was print shower invites and mail them. She did this on her own, without talking to the BMs about it. I guess she missed two people on my list. Bridesmaid B was making calls to the people who hadn’t responded, and when she called these two people, they awkwardly told her that they hadn’t been invited. Bridesmaid or Best Man B apologized to them and said that they were meant to be invited, and there must have been a mistake. She said the guests seemed okay about it but they said they aren’t coming. 🙁
I guess the BMs talked to her about it last night and it was kind of tense. Maid/Matron of Honor replied that she “had everything under control.”
I am putting it behind me, because everything is falling into place and I’m going to have wonderful parties thrown by my amazing ladies! Thank you for your support. Things are going great – I am 17 months into my engagement and this is the first (small) bump in the road I’ve hit.