(Closed) Writing him a letter–pushing it?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you should write the letter, then WAIT A WEEK and read it again. If you still feel the need to send it, you should. I think it’s really important to leave a bit of a gap  between writing the letter and sending it so you don’t say anything in an overly emotional state that you would later regret.   

Post # 4
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I propose a compromise… wirte the letter, but keep it to yourself for now.  Many times you’ll feel better just getting it down on paper.  If it’s approaching the end of July and nothing has happened, that’s the time to share the letter.  Along with letting him know that you’re starting to make plans to move to your own place.

Post # 5
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Writing a letter for theraputic purposes is fine, but actually sending it seems:

A: Really pushy. The guy said July, give him the time he asked for. I know you want to get it all out there before then, but the sense of urgency here is unsettling. Do you not trust that he wants to marry you?

B: If you feel there is not good enough communication there to talk about this without having to write a letter, something is wrong. It seems like you’re pushing and pushing for this proposal to happen, but aren’t you seeing some major emotional/communication shutdowns happening here?

I really do wish you the best and of course no one can understand the dynamics of a relationship from a few paragraphs online, but if you’re at the point where you need to write a letter to get your feelings across…

Post # 7
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Shirinjoon: From what I’ve read of your other posts, he’s given you July and you now need to step back.

Giving him this letter is too much, it could even push him away.

Just wait, it is fine to write it and re-read it, but do not send it.

Post # 8
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree with PP. Keep the letter and wait until closer to your deadline to give it to him if you don’t see any progress. For example if your parents haven’t met by July (if that is still a condition of you getting engaged).

I did the same thing the other day – I wrote a letter to get all my feelings out and decided not to give it to him. Instead I lightly broached the subject with SO and he reassured me an engagement is coming – it was enough to make me feel better. I know our situations are different and I think in your case it’s best to wait a while and see how things progress since you recently had a discussion with him about it.

Post # 9
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

No DO NOT write a letter. It was done with the last conversation now you need to wait to see what he does.

Post # 10
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

A lot of men don;t really need the amount of communication we as women do or think we need to provide. I don’t want to stereotype and say that men are simple, because that’s not what I mean at all. Men just need a target with no explanation and will still run toward it. You gave him his target, July, and now you need to step back. If he needs more explanation he will ask.

Post # 13
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

@Shirinjoon:  If he doesn’t want to propose to you in July then he won’t.  At this point I am worried that you won’t make it to July with all this analyzing/obsessing you are doing.  He is not stupid, he knows what you want.  If he wants the same then he will take action.  Now leave it alone.

Post # 14
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Shirinjoon: If he doesn’t want to get engaged in July he just won’t propose.

Marriage is a big deal and most men will not let themselves be “forced” into it if they really don’t want to.

He already knows he has a way out. Just leave it be. Anything else you do now will more likely than not either annoy him or push him away.

He knows what you want, he knows your feelings, he knows your time line, the ball is in his court and he knows it.

Let him run the show now.

Post # 16
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Shirinjoon: 

I know how you feel though. You get caught up in the moment of the conversation that not everything you feel comes out – you forget things you want to say and after the conversation you think of more points to add that you think you should express or you want to take a different approach.  Writing a letter helps to get these feeling out in a more structured way – but yea its best to keep it to yourself and think of it as therapy. Smile

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