(Closed) Writing him a letter–pushing it?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 18
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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@Shirinjoon:  Hold onto the letter, maybe start keeping a journal to help with your feelings, esepcially if you want to keep them private and not post them on here.  It really does help – I was an avid journaler for a long time (until my father photocopied pages and mailed them to his family and my BF’s family, to make them look down on me in the process of kicking me out), but now find solace on the internet because I can hide behind alias names.

I know you feel bad about how you communicated to him last if it was during a fight, but I think you’ve said what you need to, for now.  He needs to know you’re not going to harp him on it each time you see each other.  He needs man-time to do what he eneds to.  Also, he’s an adult, so if he chooses to follow through with the July deadline, it’s not that you forced him, but that he made a choice that doing what you want so he can keep you is important.  Also, as an adult, he doesn’t need a letter from you to communicate a very real reason he can’t do it in July should there be a reason. Besides, the fact that you said thing in an impassioned manner instead of a politely written letter probably hit home a lot harder with him.

Also, he’d probably not want to read the letter, but talk to you again.  I’ve tried the letter approach in the ast ebcause I get so befuddled when upset, and especially if I’m crying that I know things can get lost, but my SO doesn’t ever read the letters beyond the first paragraph and we end up having ‘discussions’ anyway.  So you’d probably just end up picking a fight and he’ll feel like, Didn’t we just go over this?”

Post # 19
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree that now is the time to give him his space and time.  You already laid it all out so now he is the one who has to do something.  I’m in the same situation and I know how you feel.  You just want to keep bringing it up to get some sort of confirmation that it will happen.  I think the best thing to do now is to keep yourself occupied.  Pick up a new hobby or make plans with friends more often to help keep it off your mind.  That’s what I’m doing and it seems to help. Good luck!!

Post # 20
82 posts
Worker bee

I agree with most, keep the letter to yourself, at least for a while, or use it as part one of a journal. You write what you want, explain what you want, you do not know that he will read it as you mean it. It may be read and in his head, it is all the same things you have said. I feel that when we write /email, we have no clue what is really going on in their head while they are reading it. Plus, it provides time to responds, which, for me, it works better if I see facial reaction, and get an honest on the spot answer. Just some thoughts. 

I’m at the same point as you, but worse, much older etc. I can tell you, following the basic plan of Mr. Bee, feels really good, somewhat liberating,and Im having fun reconnecting with people and things I enjoy doing. In order to help yourself through the next few months, you might want to try to just get busy with other things so that it lightens up the thought process, mood and if it comes down to the wire and he does not come through, you will be in a good place with yourself being out there aside from just being in a relationship 🙂 Give it a try, it can’t hurt. Good luck and good wishes coming your way :)) 


Post # 22
383 posts
Helper bee

In total agreement with not sending the letter – but it does help so much writing your thoughts down.  I used to write in my journal every night and I could kick myself for stopping.  Think I’ll start again.  you’ve inspired me.

Hold on until July – do the Bee plan, do what you’re doing.  Silent the “talk” about marriage.  see what happens and then move on.  Trust in your relationship and God and that all will be well for you.

Here’s some positive vibes:  Smile

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