(Closed) Writing my vows…what do you think? (HELP please!)

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 5
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think they are very sweet!

Post # 5
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Double Post!

Post # 6
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i really like the puzzle metaphor!  and i think overall they are well written and sweet! the only thing i would suggest is some editing in certain areas because it gets a little wordy and hard to follow – like maybe because “puzzle” is mentioned so many times.  do you mind if i have go at editing it?   (and i really hope you are not offended, i think you did a great job! i am just trying to give constructive advice if you want it, lol).

Post # 8
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@pengoala: ok let me know what you think! i cut it by almost 40 words! but mostly changing some of the sentence structure or cutting things that sounded repetitive and redundant. i also added a transition into the second paragraph!

 

Mr. Pengoala,

You were the first person I met 10 years ago when we moved into Birnkrant for our freshman year at USC.  Several months later, we crossed paths again, and it was then that I knew that our friendship would last a lifetime.  But I never predicted that we would be here today!

Looking back at our relationship, I see it has been like a jigsaw puzzle.  Just as the corner pieces allow us to see what is coming next, our journey began with the corners of friendship.  Next came the more difficult puzzle pieces as we did not always know where each one was supposed to go.  So, we worked on our own personal puzzle, one piece and one day at a time.  We hit obstacles along the way – some simple to solve, others not so simple.  We haven’t always seen eye to eye, but never once have we doubted that we wanted to complete our puzzle together.  So here we are today, placing the most important piece thus far, with the prospect of many more to come.

Our puzzle may not have come with a picture on the box, but I know without a doubt that when the final piece is laid, we will have created a beautiful panorama filled with a lifetime of love.   

You are my best friend, and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.  I promise to always love you even when you are playing video games all day long, I promise to never go to bed angry, and most of all, I promise to never give up on our puzzle.  I love you!

 

Post # 10
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@pengoala: that is what i was just thinking.  i was going to say that my only other suggestion is in the last paragraoh to nix one of the comments about video games or going to bed angry. i get why they are there, but i feel like it is two “negative” type things and it would sound sweeter if there was one like that (to be funny, so maybe keep the video games) matched with one positive.  like it could be anything from “i promise to: take care of you, support you, be a good mother to your children, be your friend, or something more personalized that i can’t come up with!  

Post # 12
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@pengoala:  great, glad i could help! i look forward to the updated version  πŸ™‚

and life is good. i need to find a job! we just moved and Darling Husband is working full time and i am *working* on my dissertation day in and day out…not! lol.  but married life is good and i am happy all the wedding parties are over.  i miss Jamaica though, i am always up for chilling on the beach in tropical locations.  

how are YOU doing though?  when i was 4 days out, i was in a different universe! called stress, anxiety and overly emotional about everything and i wasn’t sleeping, LOL. i hope you are handling it better than i did.

Post # 14
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@pengoala: oh boy. you were smart to at least wait until you were done with school to get engaged!  that is what Darling Husband wanted, so he proposed at the start of his internship, thinking by the time we got married at least he would be done and defended and i was hoping to submit by our wedding….NOPE, not even close for either of us, lol.  but i am very happy we are married now and even though we didn’t have all the money we wanted for a 5 star resort and all that, i don’t think i would have been happy waiting a couple more years to get married.

I totally can’t wait for my vicarious trip to Thailand i will take through your recaps  πŸ™‚

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