- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I’m writing as a “guest”, I made this up to protect my identity.
I cant contain my guilt.
This past weekend Fiance and I got in a fight, a HUGE fight. Yes hive….a physical one. We had been at a party, and a ton of small things added up to alot of frustration. By the time we got dropped off at home, we were both drunk. We’d been having some issues over the past month or two, and I was sick of it. I ran into our room and locked the door, not wanting to talk to him until morning. Well he forces his way in, and its battle royale from there. We were shoving, screaming, knocking things off the wall, and I hate to say it, I was throwing a few punches. I was seeing red, something that has never happened to me before, and he admits to the same feeling. I try to rationalize that him busting through a door I’d locked made me feel like I had to defend myself, but I cant forgive myself. After I finally pushed him out of our room, I sat on my bed, crying hysterically like a maniac until I hyperventilated and passed out. The memories come in patches, we mostly had to reconstruct it from the patches either of us remembers.
The next morning, we tried to talk it out, and we both cried insanely. I had never hit Fiance before, or cried so violently, and Fiance had never so much as pushed me jokingly. I thought, we’ve both been drunk before, and frustrated, and this has never happened. I got to thinking some more. This is my first month on Nuva Ring, and once I started thinking about it, I have also lashed out (although not violently) at my best friend AND the friend of ours that had lost our key since starting it. Could this be driving me emotionally insane? I desperately hoped this was so, if only to fix it.
Fiance and I are staying together, and trying to put this incident behind us. We spent a long time talking and cuddling, and although it hasnt changed our feelings for each other, I’m scared for the future. Can I trust myself not to go berserck again? I know he was driven to violence too, but I know he will never hurt me. Is there something that is causing it? I’m thinking about removing the NuvaRing, since we use condoms as a back up anyway.
I guess, Hive, I’m really and truly looking for some reassurance. Have you ever had a similar situation? Should we seek counseling? Will everything be okay? Should I remove the Nuva Ring? I’m terrified that these hormones are making me a monster, and even more terrified if Nuva Ring isnt really to blame.
Constructive comments only, please…