Post # 1
We’re looking to make our guest list 40 people, small and intimate. We both want people who know us and people that we won’t have to sit down and explain what’s going on in our lives. We have close family and friends only. Now, I have a sister and a brother who I’m not close to AT ALL. We only see/speak to each other maybe once a year during xmas or thxgiving. There’s no hate or anything; we just didn’t grow up together and they’re both from my Dad’s side (my parents were never married to each other and are now with diff people). I don’t feel like I have to invite them but I’m unsettled about how to say that to my Dad. He is a traditional Jamaican man who will probably insist on having them there but 1) we can’t really afford the extra people and 2) I don’t really care if they’re there or not…Then FI’s father is insisting on us inviting 5 of his cousins who Fiance does NOT speak to except for once a year. And his mother is insisting on us including +1’s. We already have +1’s for the older people but not our friends who understand the position we’re in. Yet, she’s saying it will be “tacky” to not include +1’s. The list would most likely go to 60 people if we do that…
We’re footing the bill for our entire wedding and will NOT ask for help from our parents so we certainly have a maximum amount of people we can invite. Any suggestions to combat these stessful opinions???
Post # 3
@amazonbunny: If you dont rally talk to them and only see them once a year I dont think you should feel obligated to invite them. It is your wedding, and you are footing the bill. While youre father may not like it, it is not up to him, it is your special day and he should respect your wishes. Maybe if you explained the reasons he may not make as big a fuss.
Post # 4
I don’t know if this helps, but you’re doing the right thing. People who you see once a year don’t need to be at such an intimate celebration of part of your life, and since everyone is close they don’t “need” a date as much as they would at a wedding of 300 where they barely know you.
Post # 5
Stick to your guns. I am not inviting one of my sisters, and no aunts, uncles or cousins will be invited either. I didnt give my parents a say in it, I just told them (in a nice way) “this is my guest list” and didn’t give them the option for a comment.
Post # 6
@MabelleBliss: I totally agree. Wish I had thought of the intimacy part
Post # 7
I agree with Firie and Mabellebliss. Stick to your guns on the fact that you are keeping it a very intimate wedding with your closest loved ones. If they aren’t paying for the wedding then they shouldn’t have any say in who is invited. Good luck!
Post # 8
Ahhhh! Thanks everyone…I was feeling a bit weirded out but now I realized that we should only do what we’re comfortable with. Thx again!
Post # 9
You are 100% within etiquette to not invite the ramdom family members.
The only thing about +1s is that regardless of size and intimacy level social units still my be invited together (married, engaged and living together couples). Otherwise you are good.
Post # 10
I don’t think that you are doing anything wrong. It sounds like you should stay firm and stcik to your original list
Post # 11
Stick to your guns!
We’re having a small wedding (60ish) and I’m already a bit resentful over the 6 extra people that my mom invited. Although, to be fair, she is contributing to our wedding (we’re covering the majority, but it’s still something to take into account). If your parents aren’t paying for anything, you have FULL control over the guestlist. Don’t get pressured!
Post # 12
Since you guys are paying, you have the final Say. Stick to it!
Post # 13
Reapeat after me: “We would love to invite ___ but unfortunately we can only invite 40 people.” Period.
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I was invited to at least 5 weddings without a plus one when I was single, and never considered it “tacky.” You have complete control over the list, so stick to it. I’m only inviting one of twelve cousins, despite my family contributing- we picked guests that we’re close to- we’re not inviting anyone that neither of us knows personally.
Post # 15
I guess I’m alone in this, but I actually feel like you should invite the brother and sister. Even though you rarely see them, a wedding IS a family event, I’m sure your dad is super excited about it, and it’s only 2 more people, right?
As for the other stuff, I would still say stick to your guns– you don’t need random cousins at a 40 person wedding, and I’m sure no one will be upset about no plus one at such an intimate wedding. I think it would actually be uncomfortable to BE the plus one at a small intimate wedding where everyone else knew each other, you know?
Post # 16
I agree with Pinkmoon. If they’re not chipping in financial, they forfeit any say so in the matter.