Post # 1
Let me just start by saying I don’t have high expectations for pre-wedding activities. In fact, I told my bridal party I did not want a bridal shower as I thought it was a bit too gift-grabby for my liking. (Not to say it’s not a great idea for everyone else, just that I don’t need anything as I’ve been living with Fiance for almost 5 years). And this, despite the fact that I ACTUALLY LOVE SURPRISES. I think my Maid/Matron of Honor was a little disappointed because she really wanted to throw one, but in the end, she will respect my decision.
Let me preface also by saying I feel guilty for being annoyed, but this is so my mother. She has such little attention to detail, it astounds me. She has been known to buy foods my sister is deathly allergic to because she didnt see the ingredient on the label. I cannot frankly understand how that happens, but now that we’re all older, we kinda just tease her endearingly about it. Anyways, so I get a text from my mom basically saying that my Maid/Matron of Honor wants to plan a surprise bridal brunch because I do not want a shower and not to tell me. This text was clearly not meant for me…I’m sure it was destined for my sister who has the same first letter as me.
I called her and jokingly said “that’s what happens when you name your daughters with names with the same first letter”. She did not understand what I was talking about, so I informed her that she sent me a text she wasn’t supposed to. She immediately started crying because she felt so guilty for ruining it for me. She really feels bad. And I’m not going to say anything to her because she feels bad enough. But is it wrong to feel super annoyed?! When you’re sending a confidential text/email, shouldn’t you double and triple check the addressee? I’m annoyed because she’s never learned from her mistakes and it would have been a really nice surprise. Now, she’s asking me to act surprised and not tell anyone I knew… We’ll see how that goes, i’m not a very good actress haha. I couldn’t even convince my Fiance I was surprised when he proposed (I had that ruined for me as well by FMIL). I know, such is life, which is why I’m not going to say anything, I’m just a little annoyed on the inside.
Post # 2
Let it gooooooo Let it gooooooo!!!
Post # 3
Yes, I would just let it go. I believe your mom feels terrible enough ruining the surprise, as long as you don’t know the details about the brunch you will be okay and can still be surpised.
Post # 4
Heck yeah you have a right to be annoyed. I think you’re handling the situation the right way – acknowledging the validity of your feelings but keeping them to yourself.
Post # 5
It was an accident and she already feels terrible. Be annoyed for a couple more minutes and then let it go!
Post # 6
Nah, you get to be annoyed since it’s a pattern of …carelessness?…on her part.
It’s nice of you not to make your mom feel worse about it, and it is too bad the surprise it ruined. But aside from knowing it exists, you will still get to be surprised by all the details. Plus, now maybe you can make sure you look extra amazing for all the photos. 🙂
If you really are a bad actress you may want to say something to your Maid/Matron of Honor beforehand. “Someone let slip there’s going to be a brunch *insert gushing excitement and gratitude* but you can keep when/where/theme a mystery!”
Post # 7
I think it’s fair to feel a little annoyed/disappointed, but it’s over and done now and there isn’t anything you can really do about it. Just move on and enjoy your brunch!
Post # 8
Ah! When you told me she cried that just broke my heart. I understand why you would be annoyed, and it’s hard when you deal with it on a regular basis and it seems so simple to you, but she’s clearly not meaning to.
My mum and I both have adult ADD that present in different ways, and some peoples brains just work differently no matter how hard they try. She was always forgetting permission slips or to pick me up, and it really hurt sometimes when I was little, but when I saw how much it pained her and how much she struggled.. Honestly it likely hurts her more than you. People get frustrated with me as well because even though I’m very strong academically and a higher than average performer at work, things that are crazy easy for other people – like making appointments, or feeding myself properly – feel absolutely impossible to me. It drives people in my life mad sometimes.
Try to have some sympathy for her, I know it’s hard to deal with, but remember that she has to deal with it – and it’s effects – all day, every day.
Post # 9
Oh honey, you need to learn how to let stuff go.
Post # 10
Certainly you can be disappointed. But seriously, you told us your mother has no attention to detail. Were you expecting something different when it came to you getting married?
Post # 11
let it go. I feel you though, my mum posted on a friends Facebook wall inviting them to a surprise going away part for me when I was going travelling. To this day she does not know that I found out – my now Fiance, however, was also in on the surprise and was devastated when I told him what I’d seen.
Post # 12
wawa92017 : let it go. I feel you though, my mum posted on a friends Facebook wall inviting them to a surprise going away part for me when I was going travelling. To this day she does not know that I found out – my now Fiance, however, was also in on the surprise and was devastated when I told him what I’d seen.
Post # 13
I’d just let it go. Your mom sounds so much like my mom with the whole being aloof with important things and buying things for me that I was allergic to when I was younger! I understand why you feel annoyed but at least she feels super bad. She didn’t mention the date or anything specific, did she? Then it it is still a bit of surprise!
Post # 14
One day I think it will make for a hilarious story about you and your mom. I know it’s frustrating in the moment, but it’s really small potatoes.
Post # 15
I definitely think you should let it go,. I understand the frustration, but sayung your mum ‘should have learnt by now’ is not reallly fair, it sounds like she does care, so its not purposeful mistakes but maybe just how she is wired? I know a few people who are just scatterbrains, no matter how hard they try. My brain failing is dates, ive forgotten heaps of important birthdays and felt awful, but i just cant seem to remember them. I have a diary i write them in to but if i miss seeing the note, then i forget to wish a happy birthday to my dad, siblings, best friends etc.
Try and put it in perspective too – you are lucky to have family and fruends care for you so much that they want to throw a suprise party in your honour! My mother and i have not spoken for a year, since i found a notebook with a letter saying how much she wished she never had me.