(Closed) Wrote him a letter, may be a bad idea…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I can’t imagine being at a place in my relationship where I write letters because I don’t want to have a face to face conversation. Not on a subject like marriage. Please do not give him a 3 page letter and 15 printouts outlining online ring ratings.

Post # 4
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

LOL!  I think you may have gone a tad overboard but if he has a sense of humor he’ll be laughing his butt off and will never let you forget about your 15, star rated, detailed printouts.

You seem very excited and in love, and I would not worry about it 🙂

Post # 4
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you already left this for him, let us know how it turns out…

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

and 18 page love letter including pics – heheheh thats funny!

if this is how you two communicate alrighty then. goodluck and let us know how it goes

Post # 6
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it’s better to bring up the marriage topic face to face without implying that he WANTS to marry you… How much of a conversation have you had already?

Post # 7
Member
1839 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@KatyElle:  same, but i think she already did?

Post # 8
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@li612:  I agree, that’s why I said what I said.

Post # 8
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I’m squirming on the inside for you. If you find that he thinks you went overboard by planning minutia out for your wedding, try to downplay that aspect and be breezy so he doesn’t feel pressured. But do ask him what he thinks about your future, because that’s important. 

Dont’ feel too bad. While I agree that you should approach topics like this in person and face to face (or side by side, as I’ve learned via Psychology Today that men open up better when positioned this way) this letter may have been the catalyst you needed to chat about it mano y woman-o. 

Post # 8
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Stupid double post. 

Post # 9
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@KatyElle: I am with you there. OP, I don’t know… Are you sure you are ready to marry a man with whom you are too nervous to have this conversation face-to-face? Marriage comes with many more difficult conversations – this should be one of the easier ones…

If you are going to give him the letter anyway, I would suggest to bring up the marriage part only. Make sure you are on the same page about your relationship, and what you each want in the near/far future. Leave all the wedding details AND especially the ring details out of it. You don’t want him to think you would like to marry him for the wedding, or worse yet, the ring…

Post # 10
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Oh I didn’t read where she’d said she’s actually GIVEN it to him? Bad move in my own opinion. I think this is one of those “crazy” moments that should be consulted over before actually going ahead with it.

Post # 11
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wait, what? She gave it to him already?

In that case, good luck, OP. I hope he feels the same way!

Post # 12
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@Jupster:  Exactly. 

Just out of curiosity, when you guys were first dating and had the STD / birthcontrol / contingency plans discussion, did you write it out in a letter? 

Dont’ take that the wrong way, please– my point is in my opinion, THAT is always the hardest topic to bring up to anyone because presumably you’re in a new relationship with someone you don’t really know as well as you could possibly know them. But it’s necessary if you want to excel your relationship along into something more serious. 

Bringing up marriage to him shouldn’t be nearly as difficult because you know you love him, presumably you are now more relaxed with him, and he as your partner should want to look at the future with you as a team. Don’t be nervous to talk to him about it; after all, you’ve gotten the most uncomfortable talk out of the way already.

Post # 13
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wow… I think love letters are sweet, but man… I think this was a big time mistake.  I hope it works out for you, keep us posted!

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