Post # 31
I wouldn’t depend on someone not mailing in the license to make it so you aren’t “married.” Either don’t get married or do. Don’t deal w/ this crazy lying by adding another lie to the mix. Set your Fiance straight or dump his ass right now for your own sake.
Post # 32
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
I agree with PPs. If he showed no initiative to propose and is hiding your wedding, I’d be beyond sketched out! Forget about your mom being a bitch right now – you need to have a serious talk with your fiance on whether or not he loves you and wants a marriage!
Post # 33
Your not mailing a marriage license is the equivalent of him lying to you about telling his family about the wedding. Do you want to enter your marriage with a huge lie? You’re upset with him for not telling his family about the wedding? How do you think he’s going to react when you get married and he finds out you didn’t mail the marriage license? Two wrongs do not make a right.
As far as your mother goes … she doesn’t sound supportive of you at all. If she was supportive, she would completely understand why you are cancelling this entire debacle.
Post # 34
WTF is right! This is not grown man behavior. You can do better.
Post # 35
What the hell?!? Both your FI’s and your mom’s behavior suck. What man hides the fact that he’d getting married? A shady one, and I strongly urge you to be asking him some serious questions and demanding some answers. If, that is, you don’t just up and leave which is what I’d be sorely tempted to do. As for your mom, she clearly does not have your best interests in mind. I can’t imagine any mother wanting her daughter to be unhappy all for the sake of not ‘wasting’ money on a plane ticket. Really? I know I’m being harsh, but geeeeeeeeeeez…she needs to be telling you things like, “You know, honey, if you decide that the best decision for you is to postpone the wedding again, I support you.” Wow, OP. I’m really sorry at how all this is turning out, and I hope you can put all of it aside and do what’s best for yourself. Here’s a virtual hug…
Post # 36
- Wedding: June 2014 - Excalibur
Ellicott: it wouldn’t be a lie to him, I told him that up front since my mom is telling me I HAVE to get married. It would be a lie to her to shut her the hell up. He knows exactly how I feel about all the shit hrs put me through. Now for the THIRD time his mom is back peddling to cover up her son’s lies. She’s just as bad add him.
So, his mom is a lazy bum with no job so I understand she probably can’t afford to come…okay, but to LIE to me and say you’ve given her all the info is ridiculous. She knew we were engaged so it’s weird to me to not tell her we planned a wedding? The fact that he will not allow me to be part of his family and children’s lives leads me to believe he has something major to hide….like another girl. His mom lies for him all the time so I would never get a straight answer from her. He keeps telling me he told his mom, she just must have forgot….um, who forgets their son is getting married? Yeah, I’m not dumb.
Post # 37
MissHarleyBlue: Honey, get out of this.
No person deserves to be lied to like this. You need to find it within yourself to respect yourself and protect yourself from further harm and abuse. DO NOT get legally tied to someone who behaves this way to you.
Please, please, give us all some good news and peace of mind about this. We are all worried about you!
Post # 38
MissHarleyBlue: Sorry, I mean this in a nice way.. but it doesn’t sound like either of you are really mature enough to get married.
Post # 39
Do you really want to marry someone who keeps you a guilty secret from his family and children? Who couldn’t be bothered to buy you an engagement ring? Who lies to you?
Only it doesn’t add up to anything very joyful to look forwards to, does it?
Oh, and marriage won’t improve him, that’s for sure. If he even plans to go through the marriage which I doubt.
Post # 40
::::: hugs::::: I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It seems like at this point you have a bigger/underlying problem to address with your fiancé besides the wedding. If you’ve never been invited to any family events (how long have you been dating) and you have already had to cancel/reschedule the wedding once before it sounds like his family may not know about you or that he’s planning on getting married. Also, I hate to bring this up but I feel it’s something that I have heard and read many times before from couples who end up in divorce years later and that is : they sort of already knew from the beginning that something was off but they chose to ignore the warning signs (because they were SO in love, been together for SO long, or have spent too much money on the wedding to back out, or the wedding date was so close etc etc). Please, please please take some time and be alien and think about how you want your life and marriage to be 5 years from now and whether or not you want it to be a constant battle with him every step of the way. Also, whatever amount of money is spent on the wedding or a divorce , the biggest cost for a woman I believe is wasted time and years that she will never get back.
Post # 41
- Wedding: June 2014 - Excalibur
CrayolaPrincess: we’ve been together for 3 years. His mom knew about the first wedding but I guess this time she just didn’t need to know? Weird. I’ve never been invited for a holiday, bday, or child’s bday. In three years, I have not met the youngest kid. every year I get the oldest daughter xmas, birthday, and Easter gifts. However, I am not invited to give her these gifts. Hell, he and his mom prob put their names on the gifts! I accepted that and realized I would not be part of his family. Ok. It’s weird but that’s how it was going to be. But to lie to me and say you invited your Mom to our wedding? that’s ridiculous. Grow some balls and say I don’t want her to come and I don’t even want her to know.
Post # 42
MissHarleyBlue: Have you said anything to him about it yet?
Post # 43
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
MissHarleyBlue: Why do you want to marry him if he won’t let you be a part of his family? The hiding the kids thing is just… weird. I can’t even think of a better word for it. Why wouldn’t he want you to meet them? I mean, if you get married you’ll be their MOM – you should know them! Can you imagine having kids with him? How would holidays work? It seems really bizarre. I don’t mean to sound harsh but I think you are right that he might have something on the side. Is he still married maybe? What the heck is going on??
Post # 44
Something ain’t right–and it sounds like a BIG something! This would have been enough for me to leave. Please stand up for yourself and find the man that LOVES you and wants to shout it from the rooftops!
Post # 45
MissHarleyBlue: Were you planning on living together after you get married? How could he still keep you from getting to know his kids? SO many red flags here! Definitely get out of this relationship ASAP. Your mom will be pissed, but you’ll just have to deal with that.