(Closed) WTF?!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t depend on someone not mailing in the license to make it so you aren’t “married.” Either don’t get married or do. Don’t deal w/ this crazy lying by adding another lie to the mix. Set your Fiance straight or dump his ass right now for your own sake. 

Post # 32
Hostess
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

I agree with PPs. If he showed no initiative to propose and is hiding your wedding, I’d be beyond sketched out! Forget about your mom being a bitch right now – you need to have a serious talk with your fiance on whether or not he loves you and wants a marriage! 

Post # 33
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Your not mailing a marriage license is the equivalent of him lying to you about telling his family about the wedding.  Do you want to enter your marriage with a huge lie?  You’re upset with him for not telling his family about the wedding?  How do you think he’s going to react when you get married and he finds out you didn’t mail the marriage license?  Two wrongs do not make a right. 

As far as your mother goes … she doesn’t sound supportive of you at all.  If she was supportive, she would completely understand why you are cancelling this entire debacle.   

 

 

Post # 34
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

WTF is right! This is not grown man behavior. You can do better. 

Post # 35
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

What the hell?!? Both your FI’s and your mom’s behavior suck. What man hides the fact that he’d getting married? A shady one, and I strongly urge you to be asking him some serious questions and demanding some answers. If, that is, you don’t just up and leave which is what I’d be sorely tempted to do. As for your mom, she clearly does not have your best interests in mind. I can’t imagine any mother wanting her daughter to be unhappy all for the sake of not ‘wasting’ money on a plane ticket. Really? I know I’m being harsh, but geeeeeeeeeeez…she needs to be telling you things like, “You know, honey, if you decide that the best decision for you is to postpone the wedding again, I support you.” Wow, OP. I’m really sorry at how all this is turning out, and I hope you can put all of it aside and do what’s best for yourself. Here’s a virtual hug…

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by  WeModerns.
Post # 37
Member
42 posts
Newbee

MissHarleyBlue:  Honey, get out of this.

No person deserves to be lied to like this.  You need to find it within yourself to respect yourself and protect yourself from further harm and abuse.  DO NOT get legally tied to someone who behaves this way to you.

Please, please, give us all some good news and peace of mind about this.  We are all worried about you!

Post # 38
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

 

MissHarleyBlue:  Sorry, I mean this in a nice way.. but it doesn’t sound like either of you are really mature enough to get married. 

Post # 39
Member
2480 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Do you really want to marry someone who keeps you a guilty secret from his family and children? Who couldn’t be bothered to buy you an engagement ring? Who lies to you?

Only it doesn’t add up to anything very joyful to look forwards to, does it?

Oh, and marriage won’t improve him, that’s for sure. If he even plans to go through the marriage which I doubt. 

Post # 40
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

::::: hugs::::: I’m so sorry you’re going through this.    It seems like at this point you have a bigger/underlying problem to address with your fiancé besides the wedding. If you’ve never been invited to any family events (how long have you been dating) and you have already had to cancel/reschedule the wedding once before it sounds like his family may not know about you or that he’s planning on getting married.  Also, I hate to bring this up but I feel it’s something that I have heard and read many times before from couples who end up in divorce years later and that is : they sort of already knew from the beginning that something was off but they chose to ignore the warning signs (because they were SO in love, been together for SO long, or have spent too much money on the wedding to back out, or the wedding date was so close etc etc). Please, please please take some time and be alien and think about how you want your life and marriage to be 5 years from now and whether or not you want it to be a constant battle with him every step of the way. Also, whatever amount of money is spent on the wedding or a divorce , the biggest cost for a woman I believe is wasted time and years that she will never get back. 

Post # 42
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

MissHarleyBlue:  Have you said anything to him about it yet?

Post # 43
Hostess
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

MissHarleyBlue:  Why do you want to marry him if he won’t let you be a part of his family? The hiding the kids thing is just… weird. I can’t even think of a better word for it. Why wouldn’t he want you to meet them? I mean, if you get married you’ll be their MOM – you should know them! Can you imagine having kids with him? How would holidays work? It seems really bizarre. I don’t mean to sound harsh but I think you are right that he might have something on the side. Is he still married maybe? What the heck is going on??

Post # 44
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

FutureDrAtkins:  +1

Something ain’t right–and it sounds like a BIG something! This would have been enough for me to leave. Please stand up for yourself and find the man that LOVES you and wants to shout it from the rooftops!

Post # 45
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

MissHarleyBlue:  Were you planning on living together after you get married? How could he still keep you from getting to know his kids? SO many red flags here! Definitely get out of this relationship ASAP. Your mom will be pissed, but you’ll just have to deal with that. 

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