(Closed) WTF?!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You are an adult.  Your mommy cannot make you do anything. 

This man is one hot mess and you seriously want to be attached to that for the rest of your life?  Or until it drives you so crazy that you end up spending a fortune on a divorce?  Seriously!?!? 

The fact that you had to buy your own ring, force him to propose to you and that he excludes you from his family and kids and you sit there and take it all?  Sweetie, you really need to work on  your self-respect and self worth.  There is someone better out there for you who will give you what you deserve and will be happy to do so.  A man who will not make you pay for your own ring, will not hide you from family and/or kids.  He will ask you to marry him … you will not have to force a proposal.  Now, isn’t that what you deserve? 

 

Post # 47
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
Ellicott:  Sweetie, you really need to work on  your self-respect and self worth.

This! At what point do you say ENOUGH. I can’t believe what I’m reading. 

Post # 48
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2006

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MissHarleyBlue:  Why do you want to be with someone who has another life aside from you? He literally has a whole family that does not involve you at all. 

Post # 49
Member
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wait, did I read that right? You’re planning on marrying a man and you haven’t even met all of his kids?

Post # 50
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I remember your post about the ring, and this…seems very weird to me. 

I’ve never met a person who would marry someone who wouldn’t allow them to meet their children.

Your posts…are actually beyond the realm of believable at this point.  If, by some chance, they are real, why are you asking for advice again on this man?  You’ve been advised repeatedly to get out. 

Post # 51
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t know if there is a point to responding at this juncture, but just in case… OP, you haven’t met your future husband’s CHILDREN?!?!  This is not a real relationship.  Seriously.  I hope you aren’t for real because otherwise this is just too sad.

Post # 52
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

you two are not ready to get married.. Period. 

Post # 53
Member
7551 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Wow everyone involved in this relationship is lying to each other and has all sorts of ulterior motives. If you stay I’m this relationship you’ll just keep living with the lies and the deception and the hidden agendas. Not the life I would choose but if you pick it, make sure you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into.

Post # 54
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
MissHarleyBlue:  I just feel so whole heartedly sorry for you. All of it. You must feel just sick. But, you cannot move forward with any self respect! You know that it’s not the right answer!

Post # 55
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

View original reply
MissHarleyBlue:  This whole situation seems beyond strange to me.. from every angle!

Maybe i’m wrong but it sounds like you’re just really keen to get married no matter how many red flags there are.. I think you need to really sit back and look at your relationship and decide if this is truly how you want your life to be. This will be the easiest time in your relationship. The things that come with marriage and the responsibilites of getting older and children (if you want them) will provide more and more challenges as time goes on and if this is where you’re at during what is supposed to be the happiest time, I worry for you.

While I don’t usually like to be so blatant, if it were me, i’d end this now. By the sound of it, you’re depriving yourself of some very, very special moments so you can just say your married. You deserve to experience a relationship/engagement/marriage where your partner is just as commited as you are. Life is short and time is precious.

Post # 56
Member
8036 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

On second thought, dump this loser. Seriously. He is no good!!

Post # 57
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Umm yeah, so I’m not sure if you’re purposely ignoring all the things that should tell you to run as fucking fast as you can, or if you just don’t see it?

Any man that makes you buy your own ring, lies about getting married, and MOST IMPORTANTLY keeps you from his children should make you run like you’ve never run before.

Why do you stay?  I mean, what is in it for you?  He lies, he disrespects you, and he doesn’t have the balls to stick up to his ex so that his future WIFE can see his own children.  Will you get to meet them when they’re 18?  I just don’t understand? SMH

Post # 58
Member
637 posts
Busy bee

He does not want to marry you. He does not even want you to be actively a part of his family.

There is zero reason to be with this person.

Post # 59
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

At this point, you have 2 options. Leave and feel the short-term pain for long-term gain or trap yourself irrevocably by marrying him.

This is not a healthy relationship and almost certainly will not go the distance. Instead of accepting that and letting go now, you are clinging to a sinking ship. And by marrying him, you don’t just cling to the ship, you lock yourself into a room below decks. What’s interesting is that you are absolutely 100% fully aware that this is the case and that trapping yourself is illogical so you are looking for an *out* that will allow you to engage in this completely irrational, self-sabotaging behavior. Whereby you can admit that you know to marry him is fucked up but there is some reason why you don’t have a choice and have to go ahead with it, even though you *don’t want to*. You need some reason why you would do something so clearly unhealthy while simultaneously not taking responsibility for it. You need a reason to be doing it against your will and better judgement. Enter your mother.

Stop. Just stop. You’ve got this crazy round-about of everyone feeding off everyone else’s dysfucntion so you can all continue to do what you want – regardless of how much it fucks up your life – while blaming it all on each other.

Get out of this vortex of insanity. Disengage from all of it. The fact that you consider not mailing in the license to be a viable solution to your situation speaks volumes. Leave him. Limit contact with our mom if you need to. And get cousneling or therapy. Your thought processes are majorly out of whack.

Post # 60
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I don’t understand WHY you want to be married to this guy. WHY do you want a future with him? WHY do you want to have a life like this? WHY are you staying?

I don’t get it. Just so you can be miserable and complain? Nothing he has ever done has given you any indication at all that he’s marriage material. Do you just want to get married for the sake of being married?

Lol, my ex, I was with him for 3 years. He had a wife the whole time. And we were engaged. I had dinner with his family…talk about AWKWARD. Yeah. Run. Run for the fucking hills. You’ll look back on it and be so glad it was the bullet you dodged. 

Or stay with him and continue to be miserable and be just as deceiving as him and pay out your ass for divorice, I mean…it’s your call.

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