WTF

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
743 posts
Busy bee

Oh dear Bee..I am so sorry. This is so shocking. First and foremost hugs and follow up with the doctor. Get yourself treated. I can not imagine what you must be feeling. Its completely understandable that you have mixed feelings. No one can tell you how to feel. 

You tell whoever you wish and in your own time. Of course we are all here to vent to. Hugs again. Right now you are processing a lot of stuff. Dont make any rash decisions until your mind is settled down. Deal with the Chlamydia first, then deal with the cheating next. You need to be healthy and whole first. 

I have no advice on what to do about your husband, but he needs to get himself to the doctor. If he got treated before you and didnt tell you that would be a huge violation of trust. That might be worse than the cheating, if he knew he had an STD got treatment and didnt bother to tell you. 

Post # 4
Member
9737 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’re in shock; it’s like you just experienced a horrible accident.  I’m so very sorry this happened to you, my heart goes out to you.  Everything Mrs.MilitaryBee said is very good advice. 

Post # 5
Member
3868 posts
Honey bee

I just want to send out hugs to you bee. I know this must be a very difficult time for you. 

Post # 6
Member
961 posts
Busy bee

blissful2014 :  Take a deep breath, Bee.  You don’t have to see him or talk to him right now.  Spend some time completely alone to calm down and process this.  

Chlamydia is thankfully easily treatable.  Medically, you’re going to be just fine.  I’m glad you got tested.  

As for your husband… I know you’re in shock.  Do you have a favorite place you enjoy sitting?  A bench by a lake?  A picnic table at the park?  Go there, sit quietly, maybe feed some ducks, and know it’s okay to let it all out and cry.  The last thing you want is to be as emotionally overcharged as you are now while making major decisions.  So, take the day to NOT function, just to breathe.  But… DO get out of the house, DON’T isolate yourself in a room.  

The time for talking to him and everyone else will come, but you don’t have to make a decision today.  Some people can rebuild trust.  Others can never get past this kind of thing.  If you decide that you want to try, book a session or three with a good marital AND individual counselor.  Get the support you need.  

Post # 7
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

First and foremost, take care of yourself. You need to go beyond just treatment at this time. It is possible you’ve had it for 2 years and it could have caused more damage than you think so I would have my obgyn do a thorough test. Your husband also needs to go get treated as even if he did before, since you have it, you probably gave it back to him. 

For cheating, it is such a hard thing to get over. Yes, this was 2 years ago but since you just found out, it’s brand new to you so if he ever says “it was so long ago”, ignore that. Unfortunately we all think cheating is the end of a relationship but truth is, it’s so much more complicated than that. 

If you decide to stay, you two will have a lot of work ahead of you. He will have to understand you will be angry and sad for a long time and he cannot complain about a situation he created. You will also have to understand you can’t bring this up forever and will really have to work on forgiving him and not use it against him in future. Trusting someone again CAN be done but again, it takes time and a lot of work. Are you and your husband ready for that?

If you decide to leave, do it fast and clean. Cut all contact other than necessity for divorce. You will hurt but it is possible you won’t hurt for as long as you would if you stayed. You do have a good reason for divorce but make sure this betrayal is beyond repair and you will not regret leaving him. 

Only you can answer what your heart desires. Take your time and think everything over, don’t rush. Make him sleep on the couch and ignore him if you need to. He should be giving you all the space you need right now. 

Post # 8
Member
743 posts
Busy bee

blissful2014 : Its okay, as Sunfire says you are in shock. Its okay to be in denial. Again no one can tell you what to think or what to feel. You just need to breathe. You dont have to do anything today. I would agree with ChasingZenith with a caveat. You dont have to lock yourself in the bedroom but do get out if you feel like it. Just know we are here for you. 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
9737 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

blissful2014 :  I was thinking the same thing everyone is saying, just breathe, that’s the most important thing next to taking care of your physical health.  It’s always better to take your time and not make any drastic life decisions or changes when your heart and mind are in a state of shock.  Be selfish and be nice to yourself.  Don’t blame yourself, nothing he did is your fault, at all.  Sending thoughts and prayers your way, I cannot even imagine how much pain you’re in, as I said before I am so very sorry.

 

Post # 11
Member
9737 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

blissful2014 :  I’m glad you have the support of your sister.  I don’t blame you for wanting to be away, I would feel the same way.  Hugs!  Sending prayers for your peace and healing.

Post # 12
Member
4632 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Damn. How shocking and upsetting. I’m glad you’ve called your sister and are going to stay with her. It’s important to have support because this is going to hit you at some point and it’s not good to be alone through it.

Post # 14
Member
1322 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I feel so sad for you bee.  My heart absolutely sank and I don’t even know you. As others have said, take care of yourself first then worry about everything else. Don’t beat yourself up about still loving him and being in shock. You’re human. He did something awful it doesn’t change who you are though so don’t beat yourself up over that. I’m also glad for you that this isn’t a permanent disease. I hope everything goes well with treatment and know that you don’t have to go through this alone. 

Post # 15
Member
2910 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

blissful2014 :  Generally speaking, it takes about two years and some therapy in order for couples to move on. Couples move past cheating all the time. Yes, it’s hard and it’s work. But you can do it if you want to. Right now, just take some time for yourself to process this. It may be a long time before you can determine what option is best, and that is okay! Take some you time. I’m sorry this happened, Bee. It’s going to be a rough few months, but know that this will get better (whether or not you leave him).

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