WTF

posted 1 week ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

This result is EXACTLY why I beg people who have been cheated on to get tested. I am so sorry for you! How devastating!

 

Post # 17
Member
1874 posts
Buzzing bee

Although it is possible he gave this to you 2years ago and neither of you had symptoms, I think he likely cheated on you more recently than that. And you shouldn’t forgive him- 2 years is serious! Chlamydia can destroy your fertility. 

Post # 18
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

Oh wow. I’m so sorry. This is a lot to process all at once. First, get treated. Have your husband get treated. You don’t need to make any more decisions than that for the moment.

A couple of things to note. He didn’t lie when you told him what happened. This is a very positive thing but right now you have a lot to process. 

Post # 19
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

Are you sure it was only once 2 years ago? 2 years is a long time to have chlamydia and not notice any unusual symptoms! I’d be skeptical about that. 

But I have been in your shoes before and I’m sorry😔 except it wasn’t my husband so it was a little easier to get out of the situation. If you really truly think he is sorry for what he did maybe try counseling?  

Post # 21
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

No one can decide what the right choice is for you. You need to spend plenty of time contemplating options and processing what this means to you and your future and your future family if that is a factor. 

Personally, going off the information you have given us, I would leave. Another bee said “he didn’t lie when you told him so that’s a positive”. You had concrete evidence what was he suppose to do when presented with that? That doesn’t show any honor. He was caught, he did not confess. He lied on the night it happened, the morning after, and every night since then for the past two years! He didn’t come home and immediately come clean. Using the excuse that he didn’t because he knew he’d lose you is bullshit. He does not get to do himself a favor and protect himself from pain he caused. You had a right to know and he chose to put himself over you. First when he cheated, and again when he hid it, and a third time when he didn’t let you know about a risk to your physical health and safety via the disease. Even if he didn’t know until now, there’s always a chance and he opened the door to your sexual health and blatantly disregarded your bodily security. He might as well have pushed you in front of a bus. Do you want to stay married to a man that always puts himself first? It might have been different if he came clean right away and gave you the choice but he took your right to choose from you. 

I went off of what info you provided but I second that this likely happened much more recently than he is admitting to. Two years is a long time to go without symptoms. He was confronted and is probably still trying to protect himself by lying and saying it was a long time ago. He thinks you’ll more easily put it behind you and forgive him if it happened “in the past”. 

 I could never fully forgive cheating so I would have to leave no matter how heartbreaking it is. I could never, ever trust him again. Trust is more important to me than anything. 

What made you decide to get tested? If you’ve been married for awhile and have fidelity I am curious what prompted you to be checked. 

Much hugs to you, I hope you can heal and find your happiness again. You absolutely deserve to be respected, healthy, happy and carefree. 

Post # 22
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

blissful2014 :  join the website SurvivingInfidelity.com and post there. They will help you through this!! My good friend was in a similar situation and that website literally saved her sanity. The forum users have all been through this and will help you. I’m really really sorry. 

Post # 24
Member
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

blissful2014 :  Im so sorry bee. That is devastating.

I honestly find it hard to believe that the one time he had sex with someone else was the time he ended up and with an sti. It can happen obviously but I’m certain that this guy has cheated more than once and only said once to cover his tracks. The one week you went away to work he suddenly decides to not be faithful and pick up at a bar?? I wouldn’t buy it at all as one off thing…

Again I’m sorry bee. I’m glad you are surrounded by family who are giving you support and good advice. 

Post # 25
Member
916 posts
Busy bee

gabrieladawson :  my gyno encourages to get tested every two years when having a check up, no matter of the relationship status. 

I find the unsafe sex to be worse than cheating. He was willing to put your life in danger due to wanting to hook up. Cheating is not black and white. Take your time and don’t be pressured to any direction. Ask yourself if you can ever trust him or if you even want to try. Sorry this is happening to you.

Post # 26
Member
8488 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

blissful2014 :  

Oh, Bee.  I am so sorry you’re going through this.  And I am so mad at your husband right now.

I am glad that you have a good support system around you.  You’re going to need them for some time, whatever you decide.

Some experts believe that partners who have been cheated on suffer from PTSD and really benefit from therapy specifically aimed at treating that.

Your username breaks my heart.

Post # 28
Hostess
6189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2019

blissful2014 :  Oh bee, how utterly heartbreaking, I am so, so sorry. What you do is leave his cheating ass. He had 2 years to admit he cheated and he didn’t. Big hugs. This is a really tough time for you but it WILL get better.

Post # 29
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

blissful2014 :  This is so heartbreaking. Ultimately the decision is up to you. Take care of yourself. You have a lot to process and think about at this time. What you thought you knew about your marriage, relationship and husband have all been turned upside down when you thought things were going well. 

This man has lied and deceived you for the past 2 years despite him telling you everything. He didn’t have a choice. He was caught. If you hadn’t caught the STD do you think you would have found out? Look at it this way he has put your health and body at risk for the past 2 years. That means this man had sex unprotected sex with another person that wasn’t you.

Your husband has been reckless not only with his own life but also with yours. You have to consider all things when making this tough decision. I know that some people would stay but would you feel comfortable staying not only with someone who cheated but were you contracted an STD on top of it?  How do you know it was 2 years ago and he hasn’t continued this affair? How do you know that it has only been one other person he cheated with? You don’t know. He’s only sorry because he got caught. Caught because you have an STD. He put you at risk. His behavior is selfish and thoughtless.  

 

I’m glad that you are getting the support you need.

Post # 30
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

HE’S been “living with the guilt?!” How about, YOU have been living with the chlamydia for TWO WHOLE YEARS with no treatment?? He’s shameless!!

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors