(Closed) WTF!!!! Am I being a bridezilla?

posted 12 years ago in Beehive
Post # 17
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Like the others — I just think your Mother-In-Law sounds totally bonkers for doing that… but your photographer should have known better!  Why would it have ever been acceptable to disappear when there were still important pics to be taken? 

You and your Fiance should talk to her about it, but I’d call the photographer first.

Post # 18
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Ouch! I would looooose it! You’ree not being a bridezilla AT ALL! your Mother-In-Law is CRAZY! ha ha

Post # 19
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Don’t even both to talk to the Mother-In-Law..just got strait to the photog

Tell him that you are the client..not her. He is not to give her any pictures or do any rush work for her. Next time she calls him..let HIM be the one to have to tell her that he cannot help her as she is not his client.

Post # 20
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

holy crap that’s crazy.  i don’t even know what i would say!!  I think while I sorta argree you don’t want more drama with your Mother-In-Law, at the same time you don’t want to begin your marriage like this.  definitely enlist your hubby and sit down with her, and definitely call the photographer! shame on him!

Post # 21
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

oh my goodness! Congrats on your wedding, SHAME ON THEM! Ugh. I actually was planning on talking to my photog beforehand about doing minimal family shots but mostly of my hubby and I because that’s what’s important. We have 3 photogs that day….the other photogs can do distant family pics as far as I am concerned.

1) good that your hubby is going to call the Future Mother-In-Law. 

2) tell your photographer to ignore her. she should not be harassing your photog. 

3) tell the photog you are upset that you missed so many family shots because he was taking pics of her and now you don’t have pics of YOUR family and see if he could come take some for you. It’s wrong that this happened. Make sure he knows you are upset, otherwise he’s just like "whatever i got your money!" 

How much time are we talking, like 15 minutes or like an hour? Either way, the focus should have been on you guys. Maybe your photographer can charge HER for her portrait session! 

Grr. Sorry my ideas suck, i just want to sympathize with you! 

Post # 22
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

WOW. OK well let’s start off positively – Congrats on your marriage!

Now on to the tougher stuff. I really think that what your Mother-In-Law did was just oh so very wrong. Also your photog was somewhat in the wrong as well. While I do agree that there may have been some uncertainty on his part as to who exactly was footing the bill, you really would have to be a complete moron to be a WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER and not realize that you should be shooting a gazillion photos of the BRIDE and GROOM, not solo shots of the groom’s mother. I mean, really. That’s just ridiculous.

As for having a little chat with your Mother-In-Law about this – I’m not sure. If it was me, I would probably chicken out and make my hubby do it. But there really is something to be said for the united front, though. You are husband and wife (!!!) now, and she should see that. If she’s so selfish as to take that time and those memories away from you at your own wedding, I’d stand firm now and let her know that that kind of behavior is NOT going to be tolerated in the future.

Post # 23
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Personally, I have it written in my contract with my photographer that no picture sessions are to take place without my approval. I have the time that candid shots are to be taken, but otherwise, our photgrapher answers only to me. It’s pretty clear.

If I were you, I would double check your contract, and see if there is any part that states as such for your day. If that is the case, I would call the photographer and tell him that you are dissapointed in the service and ask for some sort of deal. Either a discount or package upgrade. As for Mother-In-Law, her photos were not part of your contract, and the photographer should know better than to be manipulated like that. I hope she doesn’t think that her photos will be courtesy of your contract with the photog. This obviously ruined a part of your day. The photog and Mother-In-Law need to know that.

As far as not wanting to rock the boat, I totally get that. But if Mother-In-Law is as manipulative and self serving in normal life as she was on this occasion, I think you need to set a precedent. Let her know that you are not to be walked on to accomodate her. There are definitely tactful ways of handling it.

Good luck! I hope things work out for you!

Post # 24
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Ok, this may sound totally over the top, and I may be totally off on this. But just a forewarning for you, to save you countless hours of possible Google searches in the future. Your Mother-In-Law sounds like she might, MIGHT have a personality disorder. Specifically, Borderline or Narcissism. Again, may be totally jumping the gun here. If this continues though and you are constantly ripping your hair out over some new craziness, it may be a good thing for you to know though…there are lots of great online communities that can give more specific guidance in how you would deal with someone like that (FYI, it’s not the same way you would deal with a ‘normal’ person.)

Post # 25
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009 - Small church ceremony with mountain-view log cabin reception

first, congrats!

second… am I the only one that’s a little curious to see the photos she was taking? Are we talking glamour shots or casual poses? And why does she want them in such a hurry? Hm… seems a little sketchy to me and I would be p.o.d


Post # 26
5788 posts
Bee Keeper

Here’s a thought. Maybe she IS paying the photographer for the pictures he took of her, and he may have agreed to doing it during some ‘down time’. Vendors carry their business cards everwhere they go, or maybe you told her who he was before the wedding or in the planning stages, and she called him and asked if she could make a personal arrangement with him.  In the stress of the day are you sure he didn’t disappear for just a few minutes?

We didn’t get MANY special pictures we thought we were clear about with our photographer,but we survived. At my neice’s wedding there are several of her with the groom’s family,but none with our family as my Mother had a small accident and we were more worried about her than pictures. I’m sure when everything settles down and friends send you photos they’ve taken you’ll have everything you wanted.

This woman will be in your life for many years. Please try and get over your anger and enjoy your married life! I promise you,in the scheme of things,this is one battle not worth fighting.

Good Luck!

Post # 28
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Good for you!!!

Post # 29
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m glad to hear that you aren’t putting the pics in photo album!  Good for you!  I wonder if there was a way for you to make them "dissappear".

Post # 30
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Wow, I’m sorry you didn’t get the pose shots you wanted with your family, that is a bummer. But, good for you for not putting those shots in the album, if she has the gall to ask why not, you would be perfectly polite to coldly say that this is OUR wedding album, since they did not fit in, they didn’t go into the album. Bonus points if you don’t have the copyright for the pictures and she has to purchase them directly from the photographer! Good luck to you and I hope this is not totally dampening the newlywed mood! 🙂

Post # 31
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

omigod! What nerve! And horrible that your photographer didn’t get the shots you want. I’m going to create my list of photos asap!

I have no worries about my Future Mother-In-Law stealing away the photographer though, as she believes the camera can steal her soul. Seriously! I’m going to have a hard enough time getting her to be in any photo. 

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