(Closed) WTF Fi never helps with any WR stuff

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My fiance still hasn’t given me his guest list – he hasn’t confirmed his groomsmen and we need to start reserving tuxs.  If he wants to help, smile, bring out your list and let him.  I just don’t think men realize it needs planning – I think they expect it will just be wrapped up and easy to throw together last minute.

When we first go engaged my fiance did not want me to start booking anything or even talking with him about it until 4 months before our wedding date.  It probably tood a good 2 months of arguing before he finally said – “I didn’t know”  

I wish I could have told him “then shut your mouth if you didn’t know”  but instead I had to say, Okay, so lets get to this.  Here is what we have, what do you think?   and I had to keep eye rolling to a minimum – super hard for me ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh and the fact you got him to do 1/2 of something  Wow  – really impressed.  I just ask that mine pretend he’s interested when I show him a project.  If I were to ask something of it – I would be about to kill him.  And yes, I have wanted to call off the wedding – not the marriage but the wedding.  I think its normal, take this as a time to figure out how to best respond to him.  You won’t ever be able to get him to do what you want him to do but to continue respectful communication so that something small doesn’t end up being something huge standing in the road of a happy relationship.

Post # 5
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I actually had this conversation today with Fiance. I don’t want him to do the DIY stuff but when I am telling him about the vision for us, asking his input, or asking when there is a choice between two things for his opinion, his eyes glaze over, he says whatever I WANT and then changes the subject.  When it comes down to it I just don’t think some men are “into” it. I think they will appreciate it on the day when it all looks amazing but yeah…they don’t have any desire to talk favors, decor or all the million other details it takes to make it happen that won’t plan themselves!

Our small little wedding with 25 people is now headed full steam ahead, straight past 60 as of right now and still every day we think of someone we forgot to invite. I know that if I DIDN’T do the whole shebang Fiance would probably be just as happy (I have been married before and so has he) but this is OUR special day and I want to make it something we can look back and remember for the rest of our lives for US.

I just wanted to tell you that I feel your pain and give virtual hugs!

Post # 6
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Im in the same boat. My Fiance basically told me right when we got engaged in August he wanted nothing to do with the planning, then when he didnt like what I was doing or the cost he would complain. Now hes complaining he should have had a choice in everything from the beginning but whenever I asked he wanted nothing to do with it. Its so frustrating. I am working a full time 50 hour a week job, working a part time job 18 hours a week and going to school 2 nights a week for 8 hours so I basically have no time to think nevermind plan a wedding and instead of helping me at home he does nothing but sits online, its really starting to get to me, this wasnt the man that asked me to marry him! So much has changed. Im just hoping he realizes when things get closer ill need more help, thank god we still have 10 months to go! 

Post # 7
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

If you two have a good idea of what the wedding is supposed to look like and he says he wants to help, then call him on it. I mean, sweetly, but call him on it.

Plan a day of wedding crafting. Suggest a time that you two can sit down, pop a movie in, and work on some of these projects. Let him pick the flick, the time, the DIY, whatever. If he’s convinced that you’re trying to control everything, then ask him to make a decision about some of this.

And if you really ARE trying to be in control of everything… well, I sympathize. I have a fantastic fiance who is very excited to help with wedding crafts, but I’m definitely more of a skilled crafter than he is. He knows it, I know it. (And I’m sure he’s reading this, because he loves stalking me on Weddingbee. Hi, honey!) Still, there are parts of any project that he could do. When I made all the paper bouquets, he cut the floral wire into equal lengths for me. In making our invitations, I matted the pieces after he chopped them with the paper cutter. Let your fiance know that you’re not trying to be a control freak, and that you would love to work out some kind of division of labor.

Post # 8
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

It sounds like he wants a task for him to do by himself. Maybe let him research djs or have him search for his groomsmen gifts, clothes ect.

Instead of setting him up with a project that you invision, ask him if he would like to be incharge of the cake topper(or something similar). He can do research, find a few favorites and then you both decide what you want to do from his favorites. Be it he makes one out of clay or buys one. But let him do it start to finsh.

Post # 9
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My fiance “wants” to help, but he’s a single dad taking care of 2 boys himself. I “want” him to help, but I don’t want to add annything else to his SUPER CRAZY school. But I’m STUPID BUSY too. Darn it… it’s hard, but you have to give him something to do with a date to report back. He is an adult… give him a little rope. Hopefully he doesn’t hang himself Wink

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