Yeah, no. Uh uh. No.
What’s happening, Bee, is seepage. He’s feeling more relaxed about you; he is your future husband. He has you captured. You will see more of his true nature seeping out.
The Bee who mentioned limit testing is spot in.
It’s not every day that I agree with j_jaye, but, this time, she nailed it. Not only is your FH disrespecting you, he is objectifying the co worker and violating her boundaries.
I suspect that your snark toward the co worker is a reflection of your displaced anger. She is not your problem, Bee. Your FH is. It will be a lot healthier for you to direct your anger where it belongs.
How long have you been together? What is his relationship history?
Being hurt, angry, and upset are your feelings. Feelings are never wrong. All that matters is what you do with them. Be sure you’re not targeting yourself with this sudden loss of confidence. Bee, you’re surrendering your power. You have pegged your sense of self worth to your SO’s obnoxious behavior. How is that helpful?
Your ex is only relevant in relation to the status of your radar. It sounds as if it’s still bent. Is it possible it was never put into proper working order after your past relationship?
It’s certainly sounding as if you are repeating the same cycle, albeit unconsciously. It’s what we do. We repeat old patterns from our childhoods, hoping to put better endings on them. We won’t stop until we bring the unconscious material forward into awareness.
I suggest finding some quiet time, in a quiet place. Tune in to your solar plexus; the spot where we feel our tummy butterflies. Breathe into it. Ask yourself questions. Your solar plexus will never lie to you.
I am sorry to say this, Bee, but, I would be very surprised if this turns out to be a one off event. A big apology or explanation, no matter how Oscar worthy, would not move me. My guess is, he’s had practice.