Post # 1
I invited an my old neighbor Sam, his wife Connie, and their daugher Lisa. Lisa is in her late 20s. We are on a very tight guest list due to our budget and worded the RSVP in a way that they cldnt add people.
We have reserved 3 seats for you
___ of 3 will be attending.
So leave it to this family to try and find a way around it! Lisa has been dating this guy for 2 months. We have a strict policy on boyfriends. Unless you live together or are engaged or have been together at least a year, their not invited. We dont want to risk you guys breaking up and us still having to pay kind of thing. The invite was addresses to only them 3. Well the mom decides she is not going to go because she has been ill lately (shes on dialysis). This DOES NOT MEAN you can put someone else in her place!!! I get the RSVP back, and Lisa, her dad, and Lisa’s bf are coming. WTF! We have a plan B list so if some people can’t come, we have people we would like to put in their place! ARGH!!!
Thankfully they didn’t add an extra person. At least it’s still only 3 people. I just needed to vent to see if anyone could relate. 🙁
Post # 3
Time to make that phone call!
Post # 4
I don’t think that’s terrible, I understand you are frustrated but this did not increase your expected number of guests from that family. Of course it wasn’t the exact people you invited and may not be ideal but I don’t think that is a reason to get yourself worked up.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
That is so frustrating, and unfortunately not uncommon! I just hope I always remember how this felt and never ever do anything remotely like this! I always think in these situations, “Um, so have these people really never had a party with a tight guest list?” Boggles the mind!
Post # 6
I say pick your battles. You were planning on 3 people coming, and 3 people are coming. It’s annoying that it’s someone you don’t know instead of the family friend you were expecting, but at least they didn’t try to squeeze him on as a fourth!
If you really need the extra spot and are close enough to Lisa, maybe try explaining to her that you don’t want people who you hardly know at your wedding, and ask if she’d uninvite him…. but to me that seems awkward, and you run the risk of the entire family not coming.
Post # 7
I disagree with a previous poster. It is terrible, it is rude, it is ignorant. 3 people were invited. 1 person was not. You do not get to invite yourself in lieu of someone else who cannot attend.
I would simply call them up, explain that you had others you wished to invite (due to budget or room size constraints) if anyone couldn’t make it, and are sorry but you will not be able to accomodate the bf.
It’s easy to say ‘pick your battles’ but if 10 people did this, that’s 10 people at your wedding who you likely don’t even know and who are keeping you from inviting 10 people you do know who you were unable to invite on the A list.
Post # 8
@julies1949: I agree.
I mean it wouldn’t be a big deal if it wasn’t fot the fact that I have NEVER met this guy before. Also, Lisa is known for cheating so who knows how long they’ll be together. It is just un needed stress you know? But thanks for the support ladies
Post # 9
Ew. I would be super annoyed, but I agree with PP – pick your battles.
Post # 10
Frustrating, yes, but still the same amount of guests. I might have done something similar if I was in their situation.
I just want to say that I think the idea of an A list and a B list for invites is not the best idea…it looks gift grabby (not saying you are). Just my opinion though.
Post # 11
I think you need to call and explain the situation to them. They may not know any better. If you can let if go, then do that, but if it is going to bug you, you need to take care of it immediately
Post # 12
I agree with @Julies1949, just because you had invited 3, they can’t substitute whomever they want because someone else cannot attend. I would call and be nice and say it was intended for those 3 specifically and you have budget restraints and if the mom cannot come then you have other people you would like to invite so regretably boyfriend X cannot come.
Simple, truthful, straight forward.
Post # 13
Yep, I feel your frustration this happened to us. Except a kid was put in place of the non-attending adult. We are not having kids except the immediate family and bridal party.
Post # 14
Ugh. I don’t know if you can do anything about it, but that’s just so irritating.
Post # 15
@katiedee: Sorry if this sounds weird but I am not familiar with the phrase “pick your battles” what does this mean?
Post # 16
@zebracakes:In that situation, I’d make a call and explain that you are having an adult-only event.