Post # 1
Ok, I just read a thread stating a poster’s friend or rather former friend is having a “pre-wedding trip” (whatever the hell that is) in New York and her bachelorette in Jamaica. My big question is WTF? Weddings are expensive, we all know that. The wedding industry has blown them out of proportion to the level of people going in to debt and taking out loans to fund them. So what is with these huge trips?
** Anyone care to explain what a “pre wedding trip or party is”? I know what an engagment party is, often parents throw it for the couple. Not always, but even IF the couple throws it themselves it is typically a party that is local and 1 night. So what is a pre-wedding trip?? A poster mentioned it in a thread about her snotty ex-friend. I didn’t want to thread jack
1) The wedding is not the “important” thing as we all know the marriage is. That said bachelorettes and pre-wedding parties are things that don’t even need to happen. What happened to dinner, drinks and maybe a sleepover with the bp?
2) who can afford this??? As is going to someone’s wedding costs money (gift, hair, new dress, gas or cab money) so why do we need to spend a fortune for a bachelorette??? I saw some posters way back complaining about destination WEDDINGS because they are expensive and vacation “jackers”. I am not a fan either but at least that is for you know the wedding.
3) Why do people go along with this? The bride gets a day, not a week, not year, so why spend a ton of money and/or travel to a bachelorette? Until it is the wedding day, you aren’t the bride, you’re just an engaged chick no one HAS to because you’re the bride.
Seriously though, WTF? Why oh why are people doing this and why are other people going along with it and not saying, “this is over the top, no one needs a bachelorette never mind one that involves travel!” I guess I’d be fine with it if the bride was paying for everything, air fare, hotel, spending money, food etc
Post # 3
The only thing I can figure is that it’s popular among the college-aged type girls… I’m 25, going on 26 soon, and there’s no way i’d be able to take off enough time to do a pre-wedding event, destination bach, a bunch of showers, rehearsal, the wedding instead AND honeymoon. My boss would think I’m nuts.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I don’t think it’s as prevalent as we think. I personally don’t know anyone who has had a destination bachelorette party much less a “pre-wedding party”.
Post # 5
@EncoreBridetoBe Amen! I have been in 3 weddings this year and ALL THREE have had destination bachelorette parties (Austin and 2 to Vegas). I work full time and have only been at my current company 2 years so time off is very limited. Not to mention, all of these weddings have been a plane ride away, ain’t nobody got time for that!(or money)
ETA: In all three of these situations everyone in the bridal party (except me) lived within an hour drive of each other on the East Coast. So, everyone had to fly to these bachelorette party destinations.
Post # 6
I don’t understand what a pre-wedding party is but bachelorette and showers are fun and I don’t mind travelling for my friends and they don’t mind travelling for me. (For the record we are all late 20s with real jobs.) If you don’t like it, don’t do it, but I don’t see why you care what other people and their friends and family choose to do with their time and money.
Post # 7
It depends on the people. Often times, especially if the wedding party is spread far and wide, a destination weekend for a bachelorette/shower is normal.
I’ve been to a destination wedding that lasted a week, the first 4 days were on a Greek island and was basically a long vacation/bachelor/ette/wedding shower and all of us vacationing together. The last half was spent on the mainland with a lamb roast one night, the rehearsal dinner, and the wedding the next. We were all flying across the world for the wedding, so why not make a week out of it?
We travelled to the bridesmaid who had the least amount of vacation time for my older sister’s bachelorette/shower weekend. It was low-key and really neat to see a different part of the country.
Another bachelor/ette/wedding shower + birthday combo party weekend was last year and a whole group of us went for a long weekend in Las Vegas. We celebrated the combo birthdays one day for a couple in the group, and another night the guys and girls split up and went out on the town for the bachelor/ette parties and another night we all hung out together. Most of us were coming from far and wide and Las Vegas worked.
Me? Mine’s going to be local, and my sisters are flying in for a weekend of bachelor/ette and showers. Just a way to get everyone in one place and have fun together before the wedding.
Post # 8
As long as people have the money, who cares? If it were in my budget, I would loooove to take a trip with my best friends! The problem is if someone is pressured to spend money they don’t have.
Post # 9
- Sure bachelor/bachelorette’s aren’t necessary. Neither are weddings. Or lots of things. Something doesn’t need to be necessary to be fun or a good idea.
- Lots of people could afford a travel bachelorette. People shouldn’t be pressured to spend more than they can afford, but there are plenty of people out there who could afford a destination bachelor/bachelorette party.
- I thought most bachelorettes were planned by the bridal party. Not the bride. So they aren’t necessarily “going along with the bride”. Maybe they want a fun weekend trip?
I’m not saying that destination trips are great and everyone should do them. Some people do take it too far or expect too much from people who can’t afford the time/money. However, I’m not going to say that they’re awful and shouldn’t happen. Because they might work great for some people!
Post # 10
I think it is getting a little out of control. Two of my bridesmaids are getting married this summer and both are doing destination bachelorette parties (multiple day events). I would never ask my bridal party to plan or pay for something like that. I’m either not having a bachelorette party at all or else it will be dinner and drinks somewhere local. However, my mindset is that the marriage is the most important part of the deal and I’m not willing to let myself or anyone else go into debt for my wedding (a mindset that a lot of brides do not have). I’m 25, in grad school, and broke so I cannot afford for weddings to have so many of these crazy events. My mom & I were talking the other day about how crazy it is that weddings have blown so far out of control compared to how things were done even 20 years ago.
Post # 11
Well, one reason destination bachelorettes are so popular is because people are all spread out these days. I’ve got 2 bridesmaids who live in Virginia, one in D.C., one lives in Maine and the other is San Fran. So to invite them to any sort of bachelorette just unfortunately does involve travel. It’s not like everyone has 5 best friends who all live in their same hometown anymore.
I’m having my bachelorette in Atlantic City, which is close to me and most of my friends in NYC/NJ. But I told all my far-away friends to please not feel obligated to come. I don’t want them to have to buy plane tickets to this AND the wedding.
I also invited my aunts who live all spread out – Florida, Tennessee, etc. Will they all come? Probably not. But my one aunt who loves to gamble, loves to travel and can afford to treat herself? Yes, she probably will come and she and I will have a blast together.
So that’s just the perspective of a bride who is throwing a sort-of “destination” bachelorette.
Post # 12
@EncoreBridetoBe: but that said, I do appreciate hearing others’ perspectives. After reading your “vent,” ha ha I’m going to definitely tell my out-of-town friends to PLEASE not feel obligated to come! but then it sounds like I don’t want them there …. ha ha oh, what a tangled web we brides weave …..
Post # 13
@beachbride1216: +1. The only place I ever hear about this is on the bee. No one I know in real life would ever ask anyone to spend that much money on them or to waste all their vacation time.
I could afford it, I just wouldn’t want to.
Post # 14
@JenGirl: No, you don’t need a wedding but you( sometimes parents help) pay for the wedding. You don’t split up the cost with your guests. Hence if the bride wants to pay…
Fine, then why are people going along with the (can’t say what I am thinking) bridesmaid who says “hey guys! lets go to another country for Sally’s bachelorette party!!”
A nice weekend trip. Ok, sure but if I want a weekend trip with my gfs, I want it to be a weekend trip that we all planned together for leisure. Bachelorettes are to celebrate the brides last night or month as a single gal. Call me a bitch but I don’t like anyone enough to shell out that much money to celebrate her las night as a single girl. I mean really, what are we celebrating? I don’t get it, I like bachelorettes just fine but I do not get why it is suck a celebration that it warrants taking a trip anywhere but to a local restaurant and bar.
Sorry, but thinking *your* bachelorette can disguise itself as a nice weekend away is not true. Either, the individual who thinks that way realizes it is not just a trip it is all about her, so she is selfish and everyone knows it but nobody says it. Or the individual is kinda naive or maybe lives a life where she can vacation at the drop of a hat and money is no object. I don’t know but I can’t image what who thinks that is a balanced trip or who thinks it is ok to ask that of your friends.
Do you think in this economy a large portion can afford that? I do not mean “afford” as in well technically they have the money, I mean can afford it and will not affect them at all. There will be zero saving required for this trip. That is what I mean when I ask do you think a large portion can afford it.
Post # 15
@rahwaybride: +100 I have two bridesmaids in Virginia, One in Michigan, One in New York, and One in Florida. They are all in places in life where they can afford to travel. My bachlorette party is going to be in Miami and it’s not breaking the bank for any of them. Most of them travel for business and are using their airmiles for the flights and then we are sharing a hotel room and splitting it. They actually paid for my flight and hotel. I think it just depends on your circle.
Post # 16
My girlfriends are throwing me a Bachelorette ski weekend in Tremblant (we live in Toronto). They planned it. I love the idea, but I would have been ok with a night out in the city too. I’m not sure if they’re planning on driving or flying, its all up to them.
We tend to go on girly trips regluarly. So it’s not unusual. We went to Jamaica last year, we go on ski vacations on our days off at least once or twice a winter, this isn’t out of the norm.