(Closed) WTF?! Travel bachelorettes/other pre-parties?!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 92
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

 Well a good lot of this post has drifted on and off the road IMO (even into the ditch a time or two)

I will say this tho…

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@EncoreBridetoBe:  you got one thing 100% right… in post # 85 when you Quoted a past post by
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@aspasia475:  no two ways about it … the lady knows her stuff.

It all comes down to Guest Consideration…

And infact the Bridal Party are still part of the Guest List… they may be your best buds, but consideration absolutely should be given to their financial situation

Which is why I strongly believe that EVERY Bride should have a sit-down with each potential Bridesmaid and go over the a list of Roles, Responsibilities & Expenses early on…

So that everyone is on the same page right from the get go.

Sadly, not enough people do this… and then “misplaced expectations” turn into disappointment, heartache, hurt feelings… and potentially ruined relationships.

In my mind, when you organize your Bridal Party, you enter into a “gentleman’s agreement” with your BFFs… concluded with a handshake (or more precisely a HUG)

And so, there needs to be a clear understanding on BOTH sides of what the obligations are… emotional, financial and timewise.

It is truly a BIG Deal to “stand up” in the good old fashioned sense (be a supporter of the Marriage) somehow that too has been lost in the modern world

Lol, how I long for kindler gentler times in this matter I am afraid.

 

Post # 93
Member
8683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@JenGirl:  exactly. I dont understand why threads that criticize dress choices or other wedding-related things get closed so easily but this one keeps going. If it works for a particular group, GREAT. If it doesnt then dont do it. 

Post # 95
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I guess I’m just not a fan of posts whose sole purpose seems to be expressing distain for people’s choices about their wedding, especially when the OP has no real experience with the situation. Oh well. My bad for commenting in the first place. I guess I will say that we can agree to agree but express that in different ways.

Post # 96
Member
1047 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think the issue is not that these destination bachelorette parties exist, but instead that sometimes people are put under pressure to spend time/money that they either do not have or do not want to spend. This pressure can be a subtle guilt trip or it can be an overt demand, but either way it sucks, and can irreparably damage relationships. 

Post # 99
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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@EncoreBridetoBe:  OMG I love that you started this thread and you TOTALLY should have threadjacked my original post!!

I don’t take a huge issue with “destination bachelorettes” as long as all of the girls are in agreement and WANT to take a trip together and can afford it. However, THIS particular Bride from my post, actually chose to have a destination bachelorette at the resort I was having my wedding, just to be a spiteful bitch. It wasn’t something that was decided my her BMs. This was completely her own plan and she did it for very selfish reasons. 

That being said, I really don’t understand what goes through some people’s heads that just because they are getting married, all of the sudden everyone needs to shower them with attention, kiss their ass, and spend all their hard earned money doing things the bride wants to do. It’s been said many times before, you get ONE DAY. 

Furthermore, just to give you an idea of what kind of person this girl is – she is making her bridesmaids have WEEKLY MEETINGS to discuss… Well I have no f*cking clue what you could possibly discuss every week for a year leading up to your wedding. When my BFF told me this, I fell to the floor in laughter. Some people are just so self-absorbed and clueless!!! 

ETA: The Bride in my original post comes from a wealthy family, her BM’s, however, do not… These are women in their mid-twenties who are still students or just starting out in their careers. 

Post # 100
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

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@JenGirl:  This.  This.  This.  This.  

 

I think the real issue here is people projecting their values, beliefs, relationships, etc. onto other people.  

 

Just speaking for myself (because that’s the only person I can speak for) I didn’t ask for a destination Bridal Party, the bridal party decided (and they’ve done so early… but we’ve been friends for years and had always said this is what they wanted to do when I eventually got married.)  I’m also paying for my BMs/MOH’s dress, hair, make up, jewellery and the hotel room.  It’s tradition.  They have to pay for their shoes (or wear what they already have, I’m not picky.  Wear what you want.)  And they have to pay for the transportation to and from the resort (about an hour from where we live) for the wedding.  They don’t even have to pay for brunch either day because its included in our accomodations, both the wedding day and the day after.

 

As I said in other posts, any parties they want to plan is up to them.  The only thing they ‘have’ to do is show up, get dolled up, stand by me that day, have their photos taken and party.  My Maid/Matron of Honor is a little different.  She’s my sister and we’re two peas in a pod.  I will lean on her a lot for help.  But she wouldn’t have it any other way.  And I’d do anything for that kid and she knows it.  So it will be repaid when it’s her turn.  

 

Financial situations are handled differently by different people.  My Fiance and I contribute equally to household/life accounts and the remainder is ours to spend how we wish.  Often that’s travel with my friends, for me.  I get tons of time off in addition to my vacation (which we are required to take and cannot bank/lose.  It must be taken each year.)  My vacation time is spent with my Fiance.  My other time off is often spent with my girlfriends, they’re also all off and it’ll me a stretch of random week days.  I’m not going to sit at home and do nothing!  None of us have kids, all of our husbands/boyfriends work regular hours.  So we take advantage of the downtime.  If it’s selfish then I guess we should all be lucky to have found such understanding men, 

 

It sounds like all of that will be different from the OP’s situation.  Which is fine.  I don’t get the judgement of this lifestyle (especially when you simply can’t know all the details to someone’s situation).  It’s not like there are children going hungry so we can travel.  Or that the Maid/Matron of Honor is forcing all of the other BMs to pony up tons of money and take time off work that they don’t want to take. 

 

Why can’t it be to each their own?  

 

Post # 102
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I had a friend offer to throw me a destination bachelorette but I never would have asked for it and I declined (most of our friends/family had to travel to come to our wedding anyway.)  I have however heard of this in real life and not just on the Bee.  I think there needs to be respect on both sides – my friend wanted to plan something away because she had the $ which is great but if I had taken her up on it, I’d have totally understood that not everyone has the cash to afford this!

Post # 103
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m lucky enough to live in a country where 28 paid days holiday is enshrined in employment law…and even luckier that my employer gives me extra.  I can take up to a total of 40 days a year.

Sadly, the current ‘fad’ in hen parties (I’m in the UK, that’s what they are called here) seems to be a week long holiday abroad!  My last friend who got married wanted me to spend a week in Las Vegas…which apart from being my idea of hell on earth, would have cost me at least £1500! (approx $2250)  At the time, I hadn’t been back to my home country to see my family in nearly a decade because I couldn’t afford to…the only one of our mutual group of friends who did end up going had inherited a house and trust fund a few years before…

Said friend let our friendship die out afterwards.  I was pretty upset at the time, we’d been very close.  But her marriage ended up lasting less than 2 years (turned out he was gay) so I was so glad I hadn’t gone and got into a debt I would have been still paying off long after their divorce!

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