(Closed) WTH is my FMIL thinking?? (sorry, long)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

She needs to tell your Future Mother-In-Law that she wanted the shower so she needs to take care of it. End of story.  Continue on with your spa day, and let her do her thing since she is so adamant that you have it

Post # 4
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Your Maid/Matron of Honor needs to talk to your Future Mother-In-Law and not involve you in this right now.  It is understandably overwhelming.  Remember that your Future Mother-In-Law is wanting to do this because she probably knows nothing else.  If your Maid/Matron of Honor can’t afford something like this and knows you don’t want it she needs to be up front with your Future Mother-In-Law and just tell her the facts.  If your Future Mother-In-Law wants to throw you a huge shower, I know you may not want it, but I think you should graciously accept it.   

Post # 5
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

How frustrating!!!

I think something as simple as answering her question would do; “My understanding is that both of us were going to be throwing it, and I can contribute $20.” That should take care of it.

Post # 6
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

If I were you, I’d sit both of them down and tell them how it’s going to be.

Post # 7
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think your Maid/Matron of Honor is being great in this situation and it is ridiculous of your Future Mother-In-Law to stress her (and you) like that. Your Future Mother-In-Law is being unreasonable and needs a reality check. I actually don’t think this is your MOH’s job – it is really unfair to her to be hassled by this woman who’s not even her family after being flexible and really making an effort to accommodate everyone’s wishes. But since Future Mother-In-Law keeps contacting her, maybe she should write Future Mother-In-Law back something polite like: “Sorry for the misunderstanding, I am organizing spa day for Bride and Bridesmaids and Moms only. Bride has asked me specifically to do this and not anything else. Although she highly prefers no other shower, she would be happy for you to host one if you would like. As we discussed, about 10 guests at a small place should be fine.” 

If she continues bothering Maid/Matron of Honor (which honestly, I don’t see how she can after a direct email like that), you can just tell her what you want.  

Post # 8
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

PS Oh, and what about FI? Since he can (presumably) talk openly with his mom, he may be able to settle this quicker than you or Maid/Matron of Honor. 

 

Post # 9
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d say tell your Maid/Matron of Honor that Future Mother-In-Law is responsible for it since she is busy planning other parties and things like that… if it’s not coming from you, Future Mother-In-Law can’t really be mad at you and Maid/Matron of Honor probably won’t care if Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t like her.

Post # 10
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t know what to think.  On the one hand, I kind of think yeah, just go with the shower Future Mother-In-Law wants.  And I also think Maid/Matron of Honor should politely wash her hands of the situation.  She doesn’t need the stress.  However, if Maid/Matron of Honor pulls out and leaves the shower to Future Mother-In-Law, completely, your shower will turn from 10 person display shower to a huge traditional shower you don’t want.

I think you should figure what’s most important, no shower, or keeping peace with Future Mother-In-Law.  And whatever goes on, I think it buck passes to your Fiance, to talk to his mom.  I don’t think this should be in your MOH’s job description.

Post # 11
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You need to call your Future Mother-In-Law and talk to her about it all. Tell her yourself.

Post # 13
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think you or Fiance should contact Future Mother-In-Law directly and make it clear that she is welcome to throw the display shower if she wishes, but that Maid/Matron of Honor will not be responsible either for planning or paying for the event.

Your Maid/Matron of Honor sounds like she’s trying very hard to accomodate everyone, but she doesn’t need to deal with this craziness either.  Be sure she knows that it’s not her job to work with Future Mother-In-Law on this monster shower unless she wants to for her own (masochistic) reasons.

Post # 14
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Yeah, if you’re fmil is driving your moh crazy and she can’t deal with her anymore it may be time for you or better yet, your fi to step in and set her straight. It is his mom afterall. I’m really sorry though, that sounds like a really annoying situation.

Post # 15
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you are being a little unreasonable.  Unless you’ve been married five times and she would be inviting the same people to this shower, why would you mind to give your Future Mother-In-Law a day to shine by being PART OF a shower for you.  I know it’s all about the Bride’s day, but I really don’t buy into that.  It takes a lot of people to make your wedding day special and I’m sure there is a way your Maid/Matron of Honor could contact her and agree upon a simple inexpensive shower.  Your Future Mother-In-Law wants to be a part of the celebration and you are being selfish not to let her. Besides that, it’s not like you’re getting your teeth pulled. Cake, punch, and gifts… Why in the world could you not suck up a day of your life and let her have that?  I’m sorry for not being supportive, I haven’t even read the other posts, I just think that you seem a bit selfish and because you didn’t want a shower in the first place, you seem to be making it a bit more dramatic than it probably is. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

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