WWYD – child care for a wedding

posted 12 months ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Honestly, I’d go with not going.  Which you say isn’t an option.   It just sounds like too much hassle to attend this wedding.   However,  if you’re insistent on going, bring both kids and leave with local babysitter or leave at home with grandparents with dog. As long as they’re ok with it. If not, go with local babysitter.bDon’t insist that either set of grandparents travel with you, especially the ones whose anniversary it will be.  Nobody wants to babysit on their anniversary .  You being hellbent to attend an inconvenient wedding should only inconvenience yourself.   Don’t pass that on to other people.  

Post # 3
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Does you eldest child have experience of staying with grandparents? When I was young I loved staying with my grandparents for the occasional weekend so I’d probably have I’m stay with grandparents and a local sitter for the baby. But if he’s never stayed with them before, maybe have him stay for a night sometime between now and then so it’s not completely new.

Post # 5
Member
9159 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

we also had a kid free wedding.  i had 2 nursing mamas.  one was local, one from out of town.  they both used the out of town’s girls hotel room to pump when needed. 

if it is not too much hassle, i would make a little vacation out of it, take both kids. if you don’t want to leave your toddler with a local babysitter, do you have a neice or cousin you could take with you to be the babysitter?

 it is also not difficult to fly with breast milk.  i’m in a spectra support fb group and a local breast feeding mamas fb group.  lots of discusions on traveling while pumping and bringing milk through security.

Post # 6
Member
4479 posts
Honey bee

What is your relationship to the bride and groom?  

Honestly, I would skip it.  Not going is always an option…You just don’t like that option.  I’m not a big “celebrate on the day” person, but unless the bride and groom are one of your siblings, parents, or BFF who is also your blood type and willing to give you a kidney if needed…then to me sibling birthday plus parents 40th anniversary (which if they have no plans I would probably be in the midst of planning a party for them) trumps hassle of a destination wedding where my two young children are unwelcome.  

You are always free to vacation in said country at any time of your choosing that is far more convenient.  The same is true for visiting your friend and celebrating her wedding, such as taking them out to dinner when you are able to visit under far more convenient circumstances.

Post # 7
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

I think I would also skip. 

Maybe I’m overprotective, but I wouldn’t leave my 6 month old with someone Ive never met, especially if I didn’t feel that I could fully communicate with them.

I’m all for child free weddings (I had one!) but I would have made an exception for an EBF baby coming from another country. 

Post # 10
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

Twizbe :  not to sound shocked, but one babysitter will have a six month old baby AND a three month old baby in their care?

 

ETA:I’m sure there are a lot of people who can handle that. It just makes me nervous, I had a very traumatic experience with a babysitter as a child, so I’m probably not a good judge. 

Post # 11
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Honestly if I was a parent in your situation I wouldn’t go. I know people have child free weddings and that’s a thing, put people who do that have to accept some parents can’t attend it’s too complicated. Especially if it means travelling, If she really wanted you there I think she should be the ones making concessions to make it less complicated for you to attend to be honest. It’s not your fault her family can’t go, and that doesn’t make you obligated to go. 

Personally, I’m adapting my wedding so that my best friends with children can attend. Because having my loved ones there is more important to me than a quiet ceremony. I’ve even told one of my bridesmaids whose youngest will be a toddler by the time we get married, if he needs to be with his mom for whatever reason, she’s can bring him down the aisle with us, or go to him half way through the ceremony. Whatever helps her out. 

However if you really must go, I definitely would not be leaving a baby with a foreign babysitter in a foreign country who doesn’t speak English. I think if a set of grandparents are happy to go, take them and both children they can look after both children while you are at the wedding.

Post # 13
Member
7661 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Twizbe :  When my daughter was 4 months old we traveled to a kid-free wedding that also didn’t make exceptions for breastfed babies. I brought my mom along to babysit at the hotel and hand pumped in the bathroom at the reception. It’s a good thing I didn’t leave her longer – that weekend she decided she no longer would accept a bottle and went on a 7 hour hunger struck for my mom. I got back to the hotel and my mom jumped up and said “take your shirt off now this kid hasn’t eaten and is a nightmare!”. 

ETA: you said it would be 3 feeds at first, but now you said Friday-Sunday. 6 month old babies still nurse or take a bottle anywhere from 4-8 times a day (and I know some kids that were still at 12 and overnight. Poor mommas). 

Post # 14
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

We had a kid free wedding- no exceptions.  Several of our very close out of town friends had children ranging from 3-6 mos- 2 years who came to town.  We set them up with a team of sitters, and the moms who were EBF just went back and forth as they needed (it was a short streetcar ride from the hotels to the reception site).  No one seemed to be really worked up about it, and I think everyone actually enjoyed a little “kid free” time. 

So, I’d say if you’re comfortable with your friend finding a babysitter for you, either bring both or bring the youngest and leave the oldest behind. 

Sounds like fun!  Enjoy.

Post # 15
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Wow, this would be a pain in the neck, and very costly. I don’t understand why you are so adamant about going – people decline weddings all the time for various reasons and there is nothing wrong with that. 

I wouldn’t go, bee. 

But if I did go, I would also make a family trip out of it. Pay for a family friend to come and watch the children in the hotel while you are at the wedding. 

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