Post # 31
penny1403 : if baby was going to be over a year I’d totally do that too. But I’ll likely still be breastfeeding and because I’m going to be on mat leave the whole time I don’t really bother with expressing. Missing 3 or 4 feeds is ok, I can deal with expressing that / giving formula but any more than that would be too much for me
Post # 32
OMG people, calm down. She wants to go to this wedding. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s actually refreshing to see a parent who has a healthy balance of family and social life. Some people might find this shocking, but it’s not necessary to bring your kids everywhere with you.
Twizbe : I think your first option sounds good. Leave the oldest child at home with the grandparents and get a local babysitter for the youngest. I wouldn’t worry about the toddler missing out on the trip. He’s 2.5 years old, he won’t remember the trip anyway. And he probably wouldn’t enjoy it at that age.
Post # 33
I have a 6.5 month old EBF baby and I’d jump at a chance for some kind of trip/vacation right now, so I’d take a set of grandparents and have them watch the kids during the wedding.
Post # 34
cypresstree85 : Thank you 🙂 A lot of the time on here I see comments that are along the lines of ‘unless the wedding is next door to my house I am not going to put myself out to go to it… but everyone should come to my wedding…’
I have only been to 2 weddings which were local enough to go home afterwards. Every other wedding was at least 2 hours away and required a hotel stay.
Post # 35
Twizbe : I’m probably one of those people you’re talking about. (Minus the expectation that everyone should come to my wedding) I will never seriously inconvenience myself to go to a wedding. If I’m going to have to give up my planned vacation, go into debt, have to jump through hoops just to make it work, then just no. Keep in mind I live in the US where it can seriously be a huge pain in the ass to travel and our PTO is usually severely limited. If I accepted every wedding invitation that required travel then I’d never get to go on vacation with my husband. (He gets 5 days)So, my advice is usually coming from that perspective. I want to reiterate that if you do leave the kids behind, do not leave with grandparents whose anniversary it is. Just because you don’t make a big deal about it doesn’t mean they won’t want to celebrate in their own way, which doesn’t include babysitting.
Post # 36
Personally I’m amazed with the amount of comments by people who would never inconvience themselves for a wedding. If anything was important to my friend, birthday, wedding, etc I would always try to attend even if it meant inconviencing myself.
How do any of you guys even maintain relationships if you never put yourself out for anyone?!
oceangirl40 : I want to reiterate that if you do leave the kids behind, do not leave with grandparents whose anniversary it is. Just because you don’t make a big deal about it doesn’t mean they won’t want to celebrate in their own way, which doesn’t include babysitting.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say OP knows the grandparents better than you do. Advising OP to categorically not do something when you don’t know any of the details or people involved just seems unhelpful.
OP, you clearly want to go to the wedding so ignore all the comments telling you not to! I would check with the grandparents that they are happy to take the older one, plenty of grandparents will still bend over backwards to spend time with their grand kid even on an anniversary. Or chat to one set and see if they want to come with you and babysit out there. It could be a nice family holiday overall.
Post # 37
zzar45 : sometimes people take advantage of their parents without meaning to. I see this with my brother and our parents. My parents love watching their grandchildren. I would even say they would bend over backwards to spend time with them. However, sometimes my brother and sil seriously put my parents out. I would say my brother knows my parents pretty well. He just doesn’t think that the time he asked my parents to come stay the weekend so he could go away was a weekend my parents wanted to visit their friends or the Wednesday morning they needed my mom to babysit meant my mom had to rearrange her whole schedule. They will never tell my brother that they’re put out. I think it’s safe to say that op might have blinders on towards how thrilled her parents will be to babysit on their anniversary. She already mentioned that they’re worried about missing a birthday as well, so they do have plans over the weekend. I stand by that even if they’re thrilled to babysit EVERY weekend, op should make alternate childcare plans for this one weekend.
Post # 38
Having read the above comments how about – find a dog sitter for the grandparents who are not celebrating an anniversary, to look after their elderly dog, and have the grandparents come on the trip to look after the two kiddies.
Post # 39
OP, I think it’s very sweet of you that you view wedding invitations as an honor and how much you want to support your friend. I would go to this wedding too in your shoes, but then again I am crazy and currently contemplating going to a destination wedding in another country that’s 6 weeks after my due date with my second (I realize I probably can’t go and I’m disappointed, because I also LOVE weddings).
I would leave the toddler at home and leave the baby with the local baby sitter my friend will help me find. This day and age I’m sure you can check in with them periodically throughout the night and you can always leave early if you need to. Otherwise I’m sure this babysitter wouldn’t have come from a vacuum and has experience with babies and a baby is a baby at that age.
It might be nice to explore the country all week if you brought the toddler and a set of grandparents, but that is a lot of people and after a whole week y’all might all be sick of each other lol. So I would personally leave the exploring to another time that you and your husband would be able to go by yourselves.
Post # 40
I’d go….but I also continue to have a life outside of being a parent. 😉
When is this weddng? How much time do you have to decide? If the wedding is next year sometime I’d make the arrangements to go and then decide what to do about childcare as it gets closer…knowing that potentially one set of grandparents can go too OR you can use a local sitter.
I had a childfree wedding (no exceptions) because I personally don’t feel like kids belong at weddings. Sure we had some people with kids decline but MOST all of our guests with kids happily booked a sitter and came to party. A wedding invitation is just that, an invitation. It’s not a summons and people are free to decline for whatever reasonn if it doesn’t work for them.
I’m now a nursing mom to a 6 month old and I still feel the same way about no kids at wedding. Darling Husband and I have a wedding to attend in his hometown next weekend and our baby will be staying with his mother. I’m actually a wedding photographer myself, and I’m currently out of town shooting a destination wedding while my baby is at home with dad.
Post # 41
fran01 : That is a good idea – but not possible with this dog. Like I said he is VERY old and a bit of a grouch as well. He has bitten nearly ever groomer he has been to (long hair dog so needs grooming regularly) last time he was in kennels he bit the owner. Oddly enough he adores our son. He likes being in the room with him and will sit quietly and watch him for ages (We’d NEVER leave them alone together and we don’t let our son touch the dog unsupervised and then we are SO careful as we know he could turn any second)
oceangirl40 : Not that I need to explain this, but we don’t ask parents to baby sit very often. My ILs look after my son twice a week while we are at work (they offered) and we are extrememly grateful for this. We have only asked them to baby sit in the evening about 4 times in the 20 months we have had him. Two of those times were our wedding anniversary so we could go to the pub for an hour or two. My parents live 2 hours away so have baby sat about the same number of times. They have no plans for my brother’s birthday. He would not have committed to anything yet (I am still pregnant with baby 2 so his birthday is ages away) and most likely as his partner’s birthday is in the same month he will be away for it like he has been the past 5 years.
IF my parents came with us they would not be babysitting on their anniversary and we would treat them to a posh hotel and meal. They have been asked but with no expectation of them agreeing. It is 100% up to them and we have been very clear that they can say no. In fact they kinda already have by not saying yet (I know my mum and dad)
camenae : Would be lovely to make a holiday out of it but not sure we could with the timing. It is school holidays so more expensive and we would like to have the baby christened earlier that month. We do a holiday with a set of grandparents each year as it is nice for them to spend some decent time with all of us. We alternate so it is actually ILs turn this year.
Post # 42
Jesus Christ people can you not read? SHE WANTS TO GO TO THE WEDDING.. listen if you want to sit at home and do nothing until your kids grow up then go for it high five to you but plenty of people continue to want to and have a life outside of their children and that is perfectly fine (certainly how I will live my life) quit your freaking judgement.
OP I say bring a set of grandparents and make a whole family trip out of it, you can pay for their hotel and a nice dinner on one night so they can enjoy a romantic time for themselves as well..
Sounds like a great time and a chance to see a new country!! Have fun!
Post # 43
I find it super immature that there are posters who are judging other’s for saying they wouldn’t go in this situation, and assuming because they would decline this particular event that they must not have a life outside of their children.
FWIW, I was in one of my best friend’s weddings 2 weeks after giving birth to my LO and my husband was out of town in a wedding that same weekend for another friend. I’m also the type of mom who still likes evenings out with friends and my husband. That being said, there is no way I would leave my infant with someone I didn’t even know, nevermind someone who potentially didn’t speak the same language as our family does. I don’t think it’s fair to dismiss your husband’s feelings on the matter just because you’re ok with it. His opinion is just as valid as yours.
In your case, I would leave your older babe at home with your ILs, and have your Darling Husband watch your newborn at the hotel while you’re at the wedding. Or bring along your younger child and extend your stay so you can turn it into a family vacation. It’s unfortunate that he would have to miss the wedding in this scenario, but part of being a parent is making sacrifices so your children are well cared for.