WWYD: found out a good friend is dating a married guy

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2019

If one of my friends told me this, i wouldn’t necessary end the friendship. But i would be very very vocal on how much i disapprove. 

There are no words to describe someone who knowingly has an affair with a married man who is still living with his wife and children. Oh wait, two words….absolutely disgusting.

Post # 61
Member
501 posts
Busy bee

I hope you aren’t really considering cyber stalking this guy to figure out who his is. That’s asking for trouble IMO.

If you don’t want to get involved in her situation then just tell her you aren’t comfortable with being involved in it and don’t want to discuss it. If she wants to cut you off because of it, then it’s her choice. Ultimately, I think her choice to date this man is her stuff not your stuff. It’s her choice and you can’t stop her. I actually hope you do stay friends in one way or another. Since I imagine this relationship is not going to end well and she’s going to need a friend sooner or later. This will probably just end with a hard lesson learned.

Post # 63
Member
976 posts
Busy bee

All you can really do is express your feelings that what she is doing is wrong in being a homewrecker.  The rest is up to her. She will have to deal with her own conscience and feeling used by this married man because that’s really what he is doing – using her. Who cares what his excuses are for cheating on his wife.  Your friend is playing with fire but it’s her choice.  I personally would think less of someone if I knew they were with a married man.  You don’t have to stop being her friend, but you don’t have to agree with or support what she is doing.  I’m sure she will learn a life lesson from this.

Post # 66
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

I haven’t read all the comments, but I’d let her know I don’t approve, and that I don’t want to hear about it because of that. 

Post # 67
Member
696 posts
Busy bee

Imo it’s none of your business. If you take a big enough issue with it then end the friendship but otherwise it’s her life & shes the one responsible for her action & the consequences of her actions. 

Post # 68
Member
377 posts
Helper bee

If you still want her as a friend but don’t approve/want to talk about it, I would say, “Listen, I know you said you don’t want to be friends with anyone who doesn’t support your relationship but I’m going to be honest. I don’t approve. I don’t think this is a good decision on your part and I think you are going about it really shady. So from now on, I don’t really want to hear any details of your relationship until you are the only woman in his life, period. That being said, I still care about you and want to be your friend. This can be the last time we bring it up.”

That way, the ball is kind of in her court. You said your piece, you got what you wanted off your chest. 

Post # 69
Member
3914 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

italianbride0508 :  A friend of mine had an affair with a married man (two kids with one on the way). When she told me about it, I told her that I found behavior like that repugnant and nothing she said to me would justify it. We didn’t speak for six months because I just couldn’t interact with her. Cheating is a big no-no with me. She was free to live her life as she saw fit, but I couldn’t stop her. I expressed my disappointment and then kind of stopped responding to her calls/texts/e-mails. She got the message pretty quick and six months later, three months after the affair ended, she reached out to me to repair our relationship. It’s been four years, but I’m still not 100% with her anymore. It may be extreme, but in my opinion, she and I have a *very* different moral compass in that regards. 

In terms of this friend, I’d wait for the subject to come up again. When it does, just shut it down and say that you disapprove and find her behavior to be shitty AF and that you don’t want to engage in the conversation. You can be blunt and honest and express your opinions and during that time. She is free to live the life she wants and you telling her what a fucked up thing she’s doing is not going to prohibit her from one thing or another. At the very least, girls like this need at least one stern talking to, someone to kid of scuff that shiny lens they are staring at their relationship with. An affair is an affair regardless of if you’re “in love” or not. If they really loved one another, they’d take the time to ensure that the wife was not going to get screwed in all of this and they’d wait for him to be legally seperated. 

Post # 70
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

italianbride0508 :  “He just needs to be sure he wants to leave his wife first.”

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh………………..doesn’t this statement negate your friend’s whole argument that their marriage is over?! What did you say to her when she said this?! 

Post # 71
Member
40 posts
Newbee

Does this girl not hear her own words? Dude is NOT committed to her. He’s told her what he needs to in order to keep her on the side and waiting for him patiently, while he lives the good husband/daddy facade at home, and supposedly contemplates whether he really wants to actually truly for reals eventually leave his wife. He’s a jerk and NOT a catch.

A relationship started on lies and sneaking around is not a solid one, but this is so much less than she has convinced herself that it is. She’s the dirty secret that he’s not sure about. He’s basically said that. Soulmates… barf.

Girl needs to be reminded that there are real men out there who don’t cheat and lie, and will be faithful in all things, so she needs to get out of this and someday find someone she can actually trust. She should value herself more than this scummy affair.

Post # 72
Member
501 posts
Busy bee

Just say the update “He just needs to be sure he wants to leave his wife first.” He’s told her he’s not sure if he wants to leave and she still thinks he’s going to? She really has no idea how many women there are who waited for a man to leave his wife, then went on to wait for years? I never say this, but I think this girl needs some therapy and quick. Wonder if she really thinks they have a future together or if she’s just reationalizing that she slept with a married man. She made a mistake, move on. Good grief.

Post # 73
Member
7 posts
Newbee

I was in a similar situation once.  The girl was actually my so-called BFF at the time.  She was having an affair with her SIL’s fiance (husband’s sister’s fiance).  They all lived under the same roof (gross).  I was also friends with the SIL since I was well-acquainted with their family through our friendship.  Needless to say, I couldn’t stand by and support her affair and ended our friendship.  I felt so bad for the husband and the sister-in-law.  I was just so turned off by her choices.  If I were you, I’d have a talk with her and tell her that you don’t support her affair.  If she continues then it’s up to you if you want to continue being friends.  

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