(Closed) WWYD? – FSIL being weird

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@erinnicole:  what in the world?!  Who does that???? (apparently your FSIL!).  I think you need to ditch cautious and tell her pictures will start promptly at 2pm.  I’d actually go back to your original plan and tell her that she needs to be AT your house at 1pm.  

ETA:  Are you emailing her?  If so, follow it up with a phone call so things are clear.   It’s frustrating that she’s already PLANNING to be late.  I padded my timeline by 30 minutes with my family and they were STILL late (an hour after the time I told them!!!).  So, I didn’t get some of the photos I wanted and had to take some after. 


Post # 4
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Christmas Tree Farm

You’ve explained your timeline multiple times. If she chooses to miss out on the pictures, that’s her decision. I would stick to your timeline, and if she isn’t there for pictures she isn’t there. You don’t want to put your timeline on hold, only to have her not show up until 3:00 and be running late to get to your ceremony. I might recommend being sure that your FI knows what’s going on and that you have a paper trail of talking to her (emails, texts, etc), though, in case she does show up at 2:30 or 3:00, misses out on pictures, and then throws a fit and tries to convince the family that you told her the wrong time.

I had a catastrophic miscommunication with my SIL the night before our wedding that ended up as her word against mine. She was completely in the wrong, and I tried to explain how we’d been talking for three months about how things were going to be organized. She screamed at me over the phone, called me names, told me she wouldn’t be attending, then called everyone in H’s family and told them they should boycott our wedding and not support him marrying me. The night before the wedding. 

Post # 5
255 posts
Helper bee

What a brat.  Some people have no consideration.

Post # 8
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Christmas Tree Farm

@erinnicole:  I wouldn’t necessarily get your FI actively involved, but I would definitely let him know what’s going on so he’s prepared if she does show up late and then throw a fit. Especially if he has a weird relationship with her and his mom already. The other side of it is for you two to decide if you’re okay with her not being in any of the pictures, if she does decide to not show up.

Post # 9
403 posts
Helper bee


I wouldnt get your FI involved either…that may cause drama and sound like you’re talking behind her back.

Just confirm with her that photos WILL be starting at 2:00 and if she can’t bother to make it to be in them, OH WELL!

Don’t stress on things like this, or change the time for one tardy person…you’ll have enough things to worry about. 🙂

Post # 10
858 posts
Busy bee

If she can not be considerate of your time request on the day of your wedding I would be concerned. Why in the world does she not want to be there in the morning? Isnt that a traditional thing. And put her sides away for a second, this is your day. I would have a discussion with her about this. Tell her you need her to be there by a time and if this is an issue maybe question her want to being a BM?

Post # 11
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I’d just call her and tell her that pictures start promptly at 2pm and the photog will not wait if someone isn’t there.

She’s acting like a little brat, seriously just get your ass there.

Post # 12
330 posts
Helper bee

If you dont mind her being in the pictures, go ahead and shoot without her. I would tell her that if she isnt there, the photos will continue as planned and she can fit in when she can.

Post # 13
2534 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’d shoot the photos without her – and maybe even let her know that.

A friend’s mother did this to her – she was (almost purposely) late for the family photos, and the couple was late as fuck to their own reception. We all waited for them, hungry, as the venue wouldn’t let us in before they got there.

Anyone misses out on my photos?
Fuck them, I gave them the scedule and I won’t be waiting.

Post # 15
49 posts

Where will she be before then? I wonder if she just knows she’d feel left out, is it an option to have her stay with your FI’s side, and to have her in those photos? Idk, just a thought. 4 of my bridesmaids were my DH’s sisters but they stayed with him and they took family portraits; I didn’t see them til the ceremony itself. Honestly, it might be more fun for you and your two other ladies too if you’re not spending the whole time trying to make her feel included?

Post # 16
3057 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Let FI know what’s going on, call the BM & tell her pictures WILL start at 2:30 and if she isn’t there you will not wait for her, keep the evidence and that’s that.

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