Post # 1
A little background – my MUA sent me an email to confirm the day-of details and I had to get a definite answer from my ten years younger Future Sister-In-Law about getting her hair & makeup done. She declined to do either, which is fine, because I’m not paying for those services (even though I basically am, because her not being there brings me under the MUA minimum services provided).
So, since she won’t be with us all morning, I asked her to please be at my house by 12:30-1:00PM, since we want to start bridal party pictures outside the venue at 2:00, and we need time to get there, have a mimosa, whatever. She balked at that, saying she thought she was just going to meet us at the venue. I said I would really like for everyone to meet up, but I’m not going to force you & 2:00PM is when pictures start.
FYI – we’re ideally starting pictures outside 1/2 hour before we have access to the bridal suite at our venue at 2:30. We are only allowed earlier access in the event of inclement weather/polar vortex kind of stuff. We decided this because we need to be done with pics an hour before the ceremony @ 4 so the cantor can run through the processional, sign the ketubah, take a moment to chill, etc. Also, the venue is a restaurant, so they can always go to the bar inside in the worst case scenario.
Then she tells me she’ll be there at 2:30 and 90 minutes is plenty of time for pictures. I re-explained the above as cautiously and politely as possible, to which she says, “so as close to 2:00 as possible?” What?!?
I want to believe that she understands the bridal party is actually going to take pictures at 2:00PM. What would you do here? What if she really doesn’t show up until 2:30PM. I’m inclined to be like “Sorry about your luck, we’re done with pics.” Is it time to get Fiance involved?
Post # 3
@erinnicole: what in the world?! Who does that???? (apparently your FSIL!). I think you need to ditch cautious and tell her pictures will start promptly at 2pm. I’d actually go back to your original plan and tell her that she needs to be AT your house at 1pm.
ETA: Are you emailing her? If so, follow it up with a phone call so things are clear. It’s frustrating that she’s already PLANNING to be late. I padded my timeline by 30 minutes with my family and they were STILL late (an hour after the time I told them!!!). So, I didn’t get some of the photos I wanted and had to take some after.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2010 - Christmas Tree Farm
You’ve explained your timeline multiple times. If she chooses to miss out on the pictures, that’s her decision. I would stick to your timeline, and if she isn’t there for pictures she isn’t there. You don’t want to put your timeline on hold, only to have her not show up until 3:00 and be running late to get to your ceremony. I might recommend being sure that your Fiance knows what’s going on and that you have a paper trail of talking to her (emails, texts, etc), though, in case she does show up at 2:30 or 3:00, misses out on pictures, and then throws a fit and tries to convince the family that you told her the wrong time.
I had a catastrophic miscommunication with my SIL the night before our wedding that ended up as her word against mine. She was completely in the wrong, and I tried to explain how we’d been talking for three months about how things were going to be organized. She screamed at me over the phone, called me names, told me she wouldn’t be attending, then called everyone in H’s family and told them they should boycott our wedding and not support him marrying me. The night before the wedding.
Post # 5
What a brat. Some people have no consideration.
Post # 6
I think getting Fiance involved might be necessary, but I’ve been trying to avoid it since he has weird relationship with his sister and mother.
And I feel for his sister because she’s so much younger than everyone, so we don’t relate to her as well. And my other bridesmaid are my sister and SIL – so I would TOTALLY understand if she just felt out of place and that was why she didn’t want to come to my house.
But, c’mon, the bridesmaids aren’t in charge of when pictures start.
Post # 7
I do need to call her. We’ve been talking via text and email so a call would probably straighten things out a little bit better. I’m most annoyed about the fact that this is FI’s sister! If his family wants to be cool or passive aggressive toward me, whatever, I can take it. But they’re hurting him by proxy everytime they take a dig at me and the wedding, and that’s what’s most upsetting.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2010 - Christmas Tree Farm
I wouldn’t necessarily get your Fiance actively involved, but I would definitely let him know what’s going on so he’s prepared if she does show up late and then throw a fit. Especially if he has a weird relationship with her and his mom already. The other side of it is for you two to decide if you’re okay with her not being in any of the pictures, if she does decide to not show up.
Post # 9
I wouldnt get your Fiance involved either…that may cause drama and sound like you’re talking behind her back.
Just confirm with her that photos WILL be starting at 2:00 and if she can’t bother to make it to be in them, OH WELL!
Don’t stress on things like this, or change the time for one tardy person…you’ll have enough things to worry about. 🙂
Post # 10
If she can not be considerate of your time request on the day of your wedding I would be concerned. Why in the world does she not want to be there in the morning? Isnt that a traditional thing. And put her sides away for a second, this is your day. I would have a discussion with her about this. Tell her you need her to be there by a time and if this is an issue maybe question her want to being a BM?
Post # 11
I’d just call her and tell her that pictures start promptly at 2pm and the photog will not wait if someone isn’t there.
She’s acting like a little brat, seriously just get your ass there.
Post # 12
If you dont mind her being in the pictures, go ahead and shoot without her. I would tell her that if she isnt there, the photos will continue as planned and she can fit in when she can.
Post # 13
I’d shoot the photos without her – and maybe even let her know that.
A friend’s mother did this to her – she was (almost purposely) late for the family photos, and the couple was late as fuck to their own reception. We all waited for them, hungry, as the venue wouldn’t let us in before they got there.
Anyone misses out on my photos?
Fuck them, I gave them the scedule and I won’t be waiting.
Post # 14
I think it just goes to show that no good deed goes unpunished. I’ve been trying to be as easy going as possible with my bridesmaids. No bridal shower or bachelorette party demands, no requests to help with projects, no dragging them bridal salons. Maybe I’ve been a little too easy going – but I still don’t know why her and FI’s mother don’t want to come to my house first. Mimosas, free food! My house is also a mile from our venue – so we can be there in 3 minutes by car. It’s not like we live an hour out of the way! I also think they have some misconceptions about what our “bridal suite” entails. It’s just a small meeting room – they’re not going to be getting bottle service for 2 hours.
I agree – I don’t want to get an ulcer over this. I’m trying to come up with a good Plan B – like will just have more pictures of Fiance and I after the first look, and we can take all of the pictures with my family, since they’ll be on time.
Post # 15
Where will she be before then? I wonder if she just knows she’d feel left out, is it an option to have her stay with your FI’s side, and to have her in those photos? Idk, just a thought. 4 of my bridesmaids were my DH’s sisters but they stayed with him and they took family portraits; I didn’t see them til the ceremony itself. Honestly, it might be more fun for you and your two other ladies too if you’re not spending the whole time trying to make her feel included?
Post # 16
Let Fiance know what’s going on, call the Bridesmaid or Best Man & tell her pictures WILL start at 2:30 and if she isn’t there you will not wait for her, keep the evidence and that’s that.