WWYD money lending predicament

posted 2 years ago in Finances
Post # 2
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

Oh my goodness Bee, that’s such a tough situation. I can imagine how torn you are in wanting to help your friend, but like you said that is a ton of money and you quite possibly will never get it back. Also in giving him the money you might even be enabling him not to tell his girlfriend and even enabling his gambling habit. In order to get so far into debt gambling he may have an addiction and it might take hitting rock bottom for him to realize that and make changes. Just a few of the thoughts that come to mind and would cause me to greatly hesitate.

Post # 3
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry, but I think it makes you easy prey since you are out of the country. If he takes your money there will be no way of getting it back and he can keep on hiding his gambling problem.

If you give him the money now, what’s next? Another 5-10k next time? More? Gambling addicts don’t just stop after they pay off their imminent debts. Better not to be involved this time.

Post # 5
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

What is the deadline about?? 

Post # 7
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

This is a no for me. If he was truly on his own here I might reconsider, but there’s a reason he’s called you. He’s either tapped out everyone else or, based on what he’s told you, he’s actively hiding it from those who care about him.

He needs to tell his girlfriend and the people in his life. If you give him the money you are enabling his addiction.

Post # 8
Member
1727 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

View original reply
pinkshoes :  Okay here is the thing, I know you want to help you friend, but you have to ask yourself if this is really helping him. 

People like him have built up huge messes in their lives and because they always find a way out of it, usually by dragging others into said huge mess, they never take responsibilty or hit rock bottom in order to really adress their issue. 

I would not lend them money. And not because I need the money or because I am mean spirited. 

I would not lend them money because I would be enabling them to be self destructive. I would not lend them money because I love my friends and I want them to get the help and support they need to clean up their lives, which they can’t do when I am prolonging the loooong slow train crash they have caused in their lives. 

If you really care about this friend you simply can not contribute to this mess. 

 

ETA: if this is life or death as yor friend claims (which is either here nor there. Addicts, and yes gambling is an addiction, lie. But addicts also engage in all kind of dangerous and horribly unsavoury things. So who knows) Then your friend is HUGELY mistaken if he thinks he can solve his problems by borrowing 10 grand from you. He is in waaaay too deep and he needs help lots and lots of help. I am sorry OP. Please do not get involved in this. 

Post # 9
Member
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I wouldn’t loan him any money, but I will admit I would feel ill about it. 

Sadly, bed made, lie.

Post # 10
Member
684 posts
Busy bee

He hasn’t contacted you in 10 years but just hit you up for thousands he owes to a moneylender? 

No. Just no. Do not get involved in this. You don’t know if his story is true or what that money may really be for and what he may get you involved with.

It is not up to you to save him, he’s an adult, he made the decision to borrow from an unreputable source. (If what what he’s telling you is the truth).

Stay out of it, you have a baby on the way, don’t be involved with anything to do with somebody like this.

 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

View original reply
Shesaidyes :  all of this. Don’t do it because if you do, you’re enabling his poor life choices.

Post # 12
Member
1495 posts
Bumble bee

Someone who you haven’t spoken with in 10 years calls you abroad and asks for $10k today? He is way too deep in the debt that he needs to swallow his pride and ask someone close to him like his partner.

General rule on borrowing money is that be prepared to se with never again.  If $10k is just peanuts for you then why not. Also logistically it’s not likely since not many banks trsnfer money like that to foreign accounts just like that. Also if you do It, better draw up legal paperwork unless you don’t want the money back.

While I can’t see this situation happening to me since I don’t have that money to spare, but I can empathise your situation. But you are not his last resort. He has others that he is choosing not to use. Also I don’ know where he borrowed the money but even iffy sources give you a deadline. Sounds like he ignored them.

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