(Closed) WWYD: Same-Sex Marriage Discrimination

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What would you do if you overheard your venue turning a same-sex couple away??

    Immediately speak up and possibly walk away from the venue completely, despite the deposit.

    Immediately speak up, but not walk completely away from the venue (possibly because of the deposit).

    Say something to a manager, but not publicly for anyone else to here.

    Maybe say something to your friends in irritation, but not speak to anyone at the venue.

    Not say anything; just let it go.

    Be glad that they turned them away; I share that belief.

    Other (explain below)

  • Post # 122
    Member
    691 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

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    @Cornflakegirl:  great, so what new info and perspective do you have to bring to the table? I am not being sarcastic, but if you feel nothing new is being said here you must have a fresh take to contribute?

    Post # 123
    Member
    9071 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

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    @Cornflakegirl:  If the receiver is just going to continue to ignore those facts, where does that get us?

    She asked. I posted. She didn’t expect me to have actual evidence. She didn’t have evidence of her claim, and so she refused to respond to save face.*

    I never actually expected her to read it. But, maybe she wasn’t the one that needed to. Maybe somebody else will find it interesting one day. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I can say that I definitely learned something from the articles that I did not know previously.

    I intended for Trusting to read it, but I know she never will. That’s alright. But if someone does read it and someone does take something from it, then it wasn’t a lost cause.

    *This is 100% my speculation. I do not know whether or not this is true, but I suspect it is the most likely case.

    Post # 124
    Member
    418 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I wouldn’t do anything. It’s not my business. 

    Post # 125
    Member
    9916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

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    @dmk90716:  I would argue that as a human, it is your business.  It’s in all of our best interests that everyone is treated fairly and equally.

    Post # 126
    Member
    4918 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

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    @Hyperventilate:  By the way, I really liked reading the studies’ excerpts you posted. I don’t have time to read the entire articles, atm, but I probably will come back to this thread for those links at some point. I’m alraedy a gay marriage supporter, but I’m also closet genetics geek who was unfamiliar with those studies, so I learned something!

    Post # 127
    Member
    9071 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

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    @LadyBear:  I was unfamiliar with a few points as well (Especially the hypothesis that it’s passed down through the mother) and I learned a lot, too. I had read up on it previous, but some strides and more research has been done and accomplished since I last investigated the subject. I have one bookmarked for full on reading since I didn’t have time when I posted… I need to get around to reading that.

    Post # 128
    Member
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

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    @Rachel631:  Surely you can choose a church here in the UK too. You would probably have to attend a few Sunday lectures by that church first, but it can’t be that big a deal.

    I would complain to the manager and give them a terrible online review. If it was a large deposit, I would go elsewhere if I could get a good chunk of it back but otherwise I would prpbably have to stay. If it were only a few hundred, I would definitely find somewhere more friendly.

    Post # 129
    Member
    7973 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

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    @MeelaMay:  It has to be your regular place of worship. The problem is if you already attend another church, or you are getting married in a church which is not of your denomination for various reasons. That was why my license was refused the first time. Not a problem under canon law… buta problem under secular law.

    Post # 130
    Member
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

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    @Rachel631:  Huh, I’ve never heard of that before. Perhaps the law is slightly different in England. I don’t see why it absolutely MUST be somewhere you regularly go to. How would anyone know if you went to another church or weren’t that denomination if say, you went to the church you wanted to marry in for a few weeks/ months before the wedding? For all the people would know, you could have just moved there.

    Post # 131
    Member
    585 posts
    Busy bee

    According to the bible, homosexuality is an abomination. But so is eating shellfish (sorry, Popeyes! Sorry, Red Lobster!) and four legged fowl. You can offer your daughter up as rape bait, beat your unruly children, enslave your neighbors, and flood the entire earth. The earth is flat, a talking snake tempts a woman, and women should remain silent and not be permitted to speak in churches. But I’m sure I’m just misinterpreting the holy spirit… or something… Yeah, so not gonna use that book as my moral compass or source of wisdom.

    If discussions are not had, even passionate ones, no progress will ever be made. It may not be this post, or this year, or this generation… but at some point discussions, arguments, etc. give people things to think about and over the course of time, things do change. After all, nowadays women can vote, black people don’t have to sit at the back of the bus, and we’re starting to see some changes towards pro-equality. The conversation has to start somewhere.

    I used to be a close-minded, judgmental bigot as well. But conversations like this with others and myself, and other people’s writing that I read, did, over a few years, lead me to change. 

    @ the people who voted to “be glad that they turned them away, I share that belief.” Open your hearts, open your minds, and please quit living in your disgusting, irrational hatred.

    Post # 132
    Member
    418 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

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    @peachacid:  You could argue that, but I don’t go around asking everyone about their views on XYZ before I spend my money. When it comes down to it, I have my wedding to plan and my own set of issues. I don’t have time to fight everyone else’s battles.

    It’s not that big of a hill for me to die on

    Post # 133
    Member
    7973 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

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    @MeelaMay:  Exactly. But that’s the law. How lame is that? Our issue is that we are both different denominations and we were having a disabled access issue for some of our guests. Church/canon law said “OK, that’s fine, as long as you meet certain requirements, you can get married in church X instead, which would solve the problem”. Secular law said… uh uh, no way. I would explain the logic of that to you, if I could. Anyway, we did eventually get a license, but it was tough going.

    Post # 134
    Member
    280 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Oh my. What a great question and conversation! It’s incredibly important to not only talk about these kinds of issues that affect people on a daily basis, but to get others thinking and talking about them. To answer the original question, I would absolutely walk away and do my damndest to get my deposit back. I would also make it my life’s work for a specific period of time to publicly shame the venue. Trustingbride complained about people not having tolerance. Damn right! I have zero tolerance for discrimination and hateful behavior.

    And speaking of Trustingbride’s comments, I had quite a few reactions in perusing this thread:

    “I am greatly saddened by the fact that same sex “marriage” will inevitably be legalized. Homosexuality is a behavior that is learned and changeable, unlike the other characteristics, which are innate and immutable.”

    Really? Because I’m greatly saddened that people who are so ignorant and small minded are allowed to breed. Is that too intolerant? And for the record, which others have already stated, the idea of homosexuality being a choice or a behavior simply shows how ignorant you are about the issue. Perhaps if you turned your eyes away from a book written by men a couple of thousand of years ago and allowed yourself the ability to think independently and critically, you would be able to realize this. And don’t even get me started on the idea that gay rights is not a civil rights issue.

     

    “From personal experience I know those who know longer have same-sex attractions after praying to no longer struggle with that.”

    Trust me, there is no one–not one soul–whose sexual orientation has been changed by praying or reparative therapy. Just because people make the sad, sad decision to be celibate and alone for their lives rather than act on a completely natural feeling doesn’t mean the attractions aren’t there. Research has overwhelmingly shown this, and thankfully California will be leading the country with a ban on reparative therapy. And shame, shame, shame on you and the church for forcing people into these situations!

     

    “I honestly would not think it was “weird” if I did not feel sexual attraction to my partner, as I don’t have the belief that that is entirely necessary to have a fulfilled, Godly marriage.”

    Oh, honey. You are in for a very long and sad existence.

     

    From someone else: “So, what does it matter if someone else’s wedding happens there too or not?  I don’t know these people.”

    This general philosophy, my friends, is precisely what is wrong with the United States and why we will ultimately be a failed state.

     

    As an aside, we’ve put a note in our programs and a large frame on the guest book table recognizing the travesty that our same-sex friends cannot experience the same rights and recognition that we are so lucky to enjoy, and in honor of our wedding we have made a donation to the Human Rights Campaign.

    Post # 135
    Member
    525 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’m just curious here, but in Canada (where I’m from) it’s actually a violation of the Human Rights Act to discriminate against an individual (or individuals) based on their sexual orientation. So, theoretically, if the hypothetical venue were in Canada and they refused the same-sex couple, they could be opening themselves up for a whole lot of trouble.

    I don’t really know much about US laws, but is it different, or the same?

    Post # 136
    Member
    1217 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Presuming this was a secular venue, I would probably walk away, the reason being I have two same sex couples attending my wedding, including my sister (a BM) and her girlfriend. I would hate for them to be somewhere that might discriminate against them and be unable to do normal wedding day couple things like slow dance together or kiss.

    I am 100% pro gay marriage and equal rights, but I do recognise that churches are going to argue that they should not be forced to marry same sex couples because of their interpretation of religious texts. It’s not something I agree with, and this is one reason why I’m an atheist. But I see no grounds for a non-religious space like a reception venue to deny a same sex couple.

    The topic ‘WWYD: Same-Sex Marriage Discrimination’ is closed to new replies.

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