Post # 1
We were married on September 17th and deposited our wedding checks on the 19th. By the time we got back from our honeymoon, we were notified by our bank that one of the checks had bounced (found out September 27th) and in addition to them taking the funds back out, we were also charged a $5 fee.
The gift giver is one of my hubby’s second cousins who lives out of state and who did not attend the wedding. She has not made any contact with us about the bounced check, no apology, nothing. The bank has told us she would have received notification at the same time we did, as well as charged a larger fee than what we were charged.
Do we still send her a thank you and pretend the check didn’t bounce? Do we just forego writing a thank you and slide it all under the rug? We were prepared to write a thank you but then….what do we write?
Not that it matters but the check was for $25. I actually feel bad for the cousin (that she didn’t have the money to cover that amount) but I’m torn on how we proceed with a thank you (or not). What would you do?
Post # 3
@milesbella: Did she also send a card with the check?
Maybe just write a thank you for the thoughtful card and don’t mention the check?
Post # 4
Yes, it was the though that counts and I think you should give her benefit of the doubt that she didnt really think it would bounce. I would thank her for her congratulations (assuming the check came in the mail) but not for the check/money. I am sure she knows it bounced.
Post # 5
She may be silent due to embarrassment. I’m not sure what you “should” do, but if it was me, I think I would just write a “thank you so much for thinking of us” note and leave it at that.
Post # 6
- Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France
@milesbella: I would still thank her, its the thought that counts right? You never know, maybe she could have been writing the check from a closed account… or something to that effect.
Post # 7
That’s what we initially thought. But if that were me and I had done that, I would have immediately contacted the recipient, apologized, explained what happened and replace the check.
I think what everyone has said is right – we’ll send a thank you for the card and the well wishes.
Post # 8
She is probably extremely embarassed that it happened. And if she had a check bounce for $25, then that probably explains why she couldnt attend the wedding either. Send her a thnak you note anyways
Post # 9
She’s probably MORTIFIED. Just say thank you and don’t mention it. If you just say “oh thanks for the card” or mention the check, it’s like rubbing salt in her wound. This is a case where it’s the thought that counts (and she thought she was giving you money). IMO, you need to show her some mercy and let it go.
Post # 10
Yes, immediately contacting you and apologizing, explaining, and replacing the check would have been nice. However, maybe she’s just hoping you’ll either not notice or is just too embarrassed to mention it. Also, I was under the impression that if it “bounced,” it would still go through, but the bank would “cover it” and you would have a negative balance and be charged for the bank fees? Maybe that’s just my bank… but maybe she thinks the same thing too, that it bounced on her end but you still got the money.
Also, she probably did have the money at the time, but something could have happened and she had to pay for an unexpected cost, or it was close to payday and they were hoping they’d have the money by the time you cashed it. I would just give her the benefit of the doubt! Thank her for both!
Post # 11
I agree with PP – say thank you for the wishes, not the card itself. There are so many reasons her check might have bounced, and I’m almost positive she didn’t send it to you to bounce on purpose. If I were you, I’d yell at my bank for charging me $5 for someone else’s bounced check though! That is ridiculous!
Post # 12
Thank her for the sentiment, and tell her you were sorry she couldn’t come to the wedding.
Post # 13
@LoveMySailor1018 I thought the same thing, I guess not all banks work the same.
@milesbella I agree with everyone, send a card thanking her for her thoughtful card and warm wishes. Poor woman!
Post # 14
Thank them, it was the thought that counts and clearly they were trying to give you more money than they can realistically afford which means they deserve a really big thank you, even if the money never got to you. Don’t mention it. Just thank them for sending a cheque.
Post # 15
I’d send a “thank you for thinking of us” message and leave it at that.
Sometimes people try to over extend themselves knowing they can’t afford it, and that’s just no fun.
Post # 16
This. You ALWAYS write a thank you letter.
Example: you get this dumb glass paperweight for the two of you and your life together and think–we have no paper files, we’ve gone totally digital–this is getting returned! You still say thank you for the paperweight. 😉
I disagree with the PPs and think you should thank her for the check. That’s the part of the gift that got “returned” so to speak, but it’s what she wanted to give you.
I think writing a thank you for a card and not mentioning the check is awkward.
I agree with the PPs that you should say you missed her at the wedding.