Post # 1
Looking for some advice for this weird situation!
My husband and I decided to invite his friend and his friend’s wife over for dinner this weekend. The conversation took place via text message, this is basically what happened:
Husband: Do you and Wife want to come for dinner?
Friend: Sure, sounds good. What can we bring?
Husband: How about a bottle of wine?
Friend: Um, money is pretty tight right now. Can we bring a salad instead?
Doesn’t this seem a little odd? Isn’t it customary to bring a bottle of wine to dinner with you regardless? And why offer to bring something, then refuse to bring a bottle of wine? Shouldn’t they have offered to bring a salad right off the bat if they didn’t want to bring anything else?
I can appreciate if money is tight for them, but keep in mind we are feeding them a full dinner, which will cost us more than a bottle of wine.
Also, if we now buy a few bottles of wine to serve with dinner, will that make things awkard?
Just wanted to mention as well, we aren’t necessarily rolling in dough either right now! But if someone asked me to bring a bottle of wine to dinner, I would. Although, I probably would anyways without being asked…
Post # 3
I agree if you’re going to a dinner you bring something with you. Usually that’s a bottle of wine or something along those lines. If there will be wine drinking that evening you’d best be bringing a bottle of your own unless you’re told not to.
I also agree that they should have offered to bring salad or an appy if they couldn’t afford to bring something like wine. At least then they would be bringing something and not coming empty handed…
I understand that they may be broke, but then maybe at least buy a $10 bottle of wine or don’t offer at all. They’re getting a free meal for crying out loud!
EDIT – I just want to add that I don’t think as a host you expect that they SHOULD, more that if you’re a guest you expect that you should. I actually wouldn’t care if someone came w/o something, but as a guest I would always bring something…I would feel inappropriate/awkward showing up and drinking a bottle of wine between me and my SO during the evening and not bringing anything myself. I just find it really odd that you would ask if you’re not prepared to bring.
Post # 4
…hmm..that was strange. I agree they should’ve just offered to bring a salad or something else not as expensive as a bottle of wine.. but your comment “I can appreciate if money is tight for them, but keep in mind we are feeding them a full dinner, which will cost us more than a bottle of wine” is also kinda strange to me…
Whatever happened to inviting people over to dinner just because you want their company? I would never expect someone to come over and bring something worth the cost of what I’m feeding them…
Post # 5
@Catherine: This is a shot in the dark, but your H’s friend may have asked what they could bring to be polite, and assumed that your H was just going to reply “No need to bring anything at all, just come over and hang with us.” Not saying this was right or wrong of him, it just sounds like maybe that’s what was going on. Or maybe he really did just mean to ask if they could help out by bringing a dish.
It does sound odd, since the price of wine varies so much you can buy a decent bottle for the same it would cost to make a salad – but I think maybe some people are embarrassed to bring a $4 bottle from Trader Joes and figure its not worth bringing wine unless you can get a “good” bottle for upwards of $15. This is all just speculation, though.
Post # 6
Maybe they’re pregnant?
mostly kidding. You’re right it’s a bit odd, but I’m sure they didn’t mean any harm in it.
Post # 7
Hmm… I guess my friends and I are just not as strict on dinner planning etiquette! LOL
In all honesty, if I invite people over for dinner, I cover every detail. I wouldn’t invite them if I wasn’t prepared to create a complete meal (drinks included)!
If anyone I invite ever asks if they can bring anything with them, I simply tell them that it’s not necessary but anything they feel they would like to contribute would be fine. I also let them know in advance what I will be cooking and have for the drinks and suggest that if there is any other preference to let me know ASAP.
Post # 8
I think its a little odd especially since there are plenty of good wines for $10, and even a prepped nice salad could easily cost more than that! If they wanted to bring salad they should’ve just offered that instead of asking! But I wouldnt think too much about it. Maybe they had some stuff to make a nice salad with that they wanted to use and bring and not spend anymore right now.
Post # 9
“NO. No, you CAN’T bring a salad!”
The way I make a salad, it would cost more than a bottle of wine.
Post # 10
ehh I wouldn’t care. I always have a stash of wine I wouldn’t mine sharing. I hate to cook and yes that includes making a salad. I would rather take the 5 seconds to pop open a bottle of wine than take the 5+ minutes it takes to make a salad. Enjoy not having to make one more thing.
I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, just enjoy the dinner. Plus, I’m sure his wife wasn’t happy to hear that he said that, so I def would let it go!
Post # 11
@SandyDollHair: Totally agree. When I make a salad it costs doube the price of a bottle of wine!
Post # 12
my salad would also cost the same as a bottle of wine, but I’m going to assume here that their version may not LOL
I forgot to add for the OP that you should still get the wine for tonight, and just completely pretend the convo didn’t happen and have a good time.
Post # 13
Possibly they were raised in a non-wine getting family so that bit of etiquett is lost on them. And unless their idea of a salad is chopped head of lettuce a good salad can cost as much as a bottle of mid range wine. So the we don’t have money for wine seems a bit odd.
Post # 14
I think you’re taking it a bit personally, but my perception might be a bit warped because growing up my dad never ever let someone bring something if we were having them over for dinner. He always said that part of being a good host was making sure your guests always left full, haha, and that only a thank you is necessary.
But you say you’re asking for advice…I don’t understand, what kind of advice do you want? Are you going to uninvite your friends over a bottle of wine or bring it up later and make them feel uncomfortable over something so small? I’d ignore it. I’d also like to add that as a non-wine drinker I’ve always assumed wine is very expensive, I never knew you could get wine for like $10 like others are saying, they may be the same way.
Post # 15
@Wonderstruck: Yes you can!! My favorite wine is only $10!! I love my NYS wine 🙂
Post # 16
@MissCallieJean: I guess you don’t have access to two buck chuck wine.