(Closed) Yarmulkes or no yarmulkes?

posted 8 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We’re having them at our interfaith wedding. Fiance doesn’t really want to wear one (I’m Jewish, he’s not), and frankly that’s fine with me. We’ll have a basket of yarmulkes when guests walk in, and they can choose to wear one or not. I really don’t think there is anything offensive about that, and we’re not forcing them to wear one. Funny thing is, I bet FI’s Catholic family will all end up wearing them. As Future Father-In-Law said, even the pope wears one.

Post # 4
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think, unless your finace feels adamently opposed to having them, it’s nice to provide it as an option for the Jewish guests who are more religious than he is.  Initially, we were going to have an interfaith wedding (now it’s going to be Jewish, fiance decided to convert), though before then we were still considering having yarmulkes.  Not that I’m particuarly religious, but to make sure my family who is would feel cmfortable. 

I mean, I’d say ultimately, listen your fiance’s feelings.  Though I’d think it’s a nice option, and I don’t really know if it would make non-Jewish guests feel uncomfortable.  It may be good to consult family and friends who aren’t Jewish, and get their opinion. 

Post # 6
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@pb and j: Funny thing is, I bet FI’s Catholic family will all end up wearing them. As Future Father-In-Law said, even the pope wears one.

Technically, the pope wears a zucchetto (plural zucchetti), which although it looks the same, has a fundamentally different purpose from a kippah.  In the Catholic Church, only ordained clergy can wear zucchetti, so it would not be appropriate to offer them to guests in a Catholic church.  It would be acceptable to offer them for a Jewish ceremony. 

 

Post # 7
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

If he’s worried that non Jews will be weirded out by them or feel pressured to wear them, you could always provide a sign saying that it is their choice. Maybe you could explain the significance too, either in a sign or in a program.

Post # 8
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m Jewish and my SO is not. We will probably provide some for those members of my family who want to wear them, but SO does not and I am absolutely fine with that.

Post # 9
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Are you getting married in a synagogue? If not then you dont really need to provide them. Your Jewish guests will wear their own if they want to.

We had an outdoor ceremony and we did not provide them. My husbands family is Jewish and mine is not. His dad had talked about wearing one but didnt because if its not in a place of worship you dont really need to.

Post # 10
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@kfricke89: i was wondering if his parents were going to weigh in….i know mine would have if we tried to skip them!

@PitBulLover: a lot of jews would disagree, if you are being married by a rabbi and invoking g-d’s name than some jews would want to be wearing one. although the most religious would be carrying their own, a lot of my parents’ friends will want to wear one but will expect to have one provided to them. it’s traditional. i think it really depends on what your jewish background is though….i grew up conservative and going to a conservadox shul.

@CoffeeHound: thank you for the clarification. he was really just making a joke (and i probably know more about catholocism than he does).

Post # 11
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@pb and j: Yeah I didnt think of that. My husbands family is reform and most people I know (friends) are reform as well. My Father-In-Law probably would prefer to wear one but he wouldnt ever bring his own. We had a couple orthodox Jews at our wedding and they did not bring/wear one.

However, we were not married by a rabbi and we did not mention God at all in our ceremony.

Post # 12
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We provided them to our guests, but did not require their use.  Some people wore them, and some did not.  And it wasn’t always the Jewish ones who did.  My Catholic brother wore it for the whole ceremony, then started to put it back in the basket.  He was thrilled when we said he was welcome to take it home with him if he wanted.  Another nonJewish friend wore one for our at-home reception, which had no Jewish content at all.  (We had various things from the ceremony there, so that guests who couldn’t come to the ceremony–eight hours away and at noon on a Tuesday–would feel more included.)

Post # 13
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We had an interfaith Catholic/Jewish ceremony, and just like 2dbride stated, we provided them, but no one was required to wear them. For us, we felt it was a respectful/thoughtful thing to offer them, and many of our guests did wear them. We used the same wording that 2dbride did for her wedding. We put them in a pretty basket with a card that read:”The Kippah (yarmulke) is the traditional Jewish head covering.  Regardless of whether you are Jewish, you may wear one if you are comfortable doing so.”  Hope you don’t mind me stealing your wording, 2dbride! 🙂

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