Well, we have a bit of an update……sort of. Really more of a request for helping me figure out exactly what I want to say/how I want to say it.
About an hour ago, SO calls me on his lunch break, and we’re chit chatting, blah blah. He says he talked to his co-worker/friend, (we’ll call him M) and told M he’d like for him to help us look for a house next year. (M is a flipper, and owns several properties that he rents out, as well. That’s M’s primary career/source of income. He works part time at a home improvement store [where my SO also works, duh :)] mostly for the great discounts he gets on supplies, etc for his primary business. Anyway, he’s good at what he does, is a trusted friend, etc, etc, so SO and I would trust his judgement/help with something like this). M said he’d be happy to help. <—Oh, look, the subject just came up organically, perfect opportunity for me to bring it up again this afternoon, yay!
So, here’s what I want to say, but everytime I go over it in my head, it just sounds soooo bitchy: “I was thinking about house hunting some more, from our convo earlier this afternoon. And I really want us to do that. Really. There’s no harm in looking, we can look all we want. BUT……I don’t want to seriously start any financial processes until we’ve decided when we’re getting married. Again, I have no problem with just looking, but I want you to make me a promise. That before we get serious about any homes/loans/mortgages, we will have a date picked out.”
I’m also gonna throw in how I’ve done some research (even though it’s common knowledge, he likes to see “proof” of common theories, and “who is THEY” in regards to “they say”) about how married couples are usually viewed as less of a risk, etc etc.
My question/request for help, is how do I say the above things w/o coming off like a demanding bitch, throwing out an ultimatum? Because it feels that way. Even though I know it’s not. It just sounds so….I don’t know??? Help me figure out a way to get that point across in a less confrontational way? I want to convey to him that I’m seriously putting my foot down about it, but w/o it feeling like I’m giving him an order.
Help? Please and thanks!