Years or decades later, wedding still worth it?

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: Is a wedding really worth it in the long run?
    Absolutely! : (20 votes)
    47 %
    Meh. At first yes but after a while there are bigger fish to fry. : (9 votes)
    21 %
    Not at all. I barely think/talk about it anymore . : (8 votes)
    19 %
    Other. See comment! :) : (6 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m planning a Hawaiian elopement bc I grappled with that very question. My grandparents were in love and married for 66 years. They cherish their wedding picture but I don’t think they had much of a wedding since they were both very poor during the depression. I think she had a faux ring. They only talk about each other and not the wedding. My grandmother loved her dress and she said my grandfather had a goofy grin on his face. 

    Many people tell me that they wished they did the same thing that I am planning. One thing that struck me was hearing my friend tell me during her rehearsal dinner that she wished her wedding was over bc of the stress. This was someone who spent at least 100K on her wedding and had a top planner. She had an unlimited budget and no money concerns and an army of people planning. 

    I am budget minded so that would be a stress for me even at 10k. We can pay for Hawaii mostly on airline and hotel points and then also don’t need To pay for a honeymoon. We don’t have any guests so a nice dinner would work. 

    This is based on things people have told me directly. how does your Fiance feel? Does he want a wedding?

    Post # 18
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee

    jenebbuh :  I would focus on appreciable assets like diamonds and real estate if you will spend big money. haha I am a finance person as you might guess. Who cares if everyone gets married at the 4 Seasons and wear Vera Wang. If you feel funny dropping that kind of money on 1 day don’t do it. Look at the stars or billionaires in the finance world who go to city hall and suddenly people notice they are married. They don’t care what other people did.

    Post # 19
    Member
    169 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016 - City, State

    jenebbuh :  Is it you and your fiance who are entirely paying for the wedding or are your parents contributing?  From what I know,  the number of guests is one of the main factors that determines expense.   If you and your fiance are paying for all of the wedding ,  then I think you can quite logically state that the guest list is also your choice.  If your parents want other guests invited,  maybe you could  ask if they are willing to pay for those additional guests. 

    We had a small wedding of 50 just last year and were able to keep wedding/rings/honeymoon expenses to $11000, which is still a lot of money to me. My sister had a similarly sized wedding 20 years ago,  but she has told me if she had to do it over,  she would have invited even fewer guests.   She says… ‘Twenty years later,  who is it that you really care were at your wedding?’ I didn’t have a smaller wedding that she,  but I often thought about her question.  We wanted to have a nice wedding as it is an important occasion,  but we also realized it is just 1 day in our new adventure of married life.  

    Post # 20
    Member
    5951 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I think its a really personal choice and case sensitive too – whats a lot to one person may not be to another..we spent $1,000 on our wedding from start to finish and next year our vow renewal is going to cost $12k…so its all relative and its all good.

    Do what works for you!

    Post # 21
    Member
    12127 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    My wedding was beautiful and yes, I will look back on the memories for the rest of my life. But one of the main reasons I can and do feel that way is that we were not willing to spend money we could in no way have justified at the time. Our parents were under no financial pressure when they offered to host and contribute. They were past the main expenses of raising kids and school tuitions and already on the road to a comfortable retirement. 

    If it had been any other way, no, there is no way it would have been worth it and I don’t think I could have looked back with the same feelings. And had our parents not made the day possible, we would have done something extremely inexpensive and simple. I’m sure I would have looked back just as fondly on the occasion. It was the marriage I really cared about, not the party. 

    The way I look at it is, just having access to money does not necessarily mean it’s responsible to spend it. That said, you have to look at the big picture. But if you have to ask, maybe you can’t afford it. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    1566 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Our wedding was absolutely worth it, but that’s because we planned a budget wedding we knew we wouldn’t regret down the line. We skimped on everything that wasn’t for the guests (our attire, decor) and splurged on food and drink for our guests. I DIYd as many elements as I could, chose the $99 dress over the $1250 one I really wanted, my husband wore a suit and shoes he already owned, etc. I think if we’d spent more or wasted money on things like flowers or makeup we would have regretted it, but since we were frugal and as careful with our budget as possible we had a wedding we enjoyed, even if it wasn’t 100% the wedding of our dreams. And then we went on a kick-ass honeymoon to Ireland since we budgeted and saved for that, so we’re totally happy with the route we took for our wedding!

    Post # 23
    Member
    2646 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    I was previously married at a much bigger affair (not huge, I’m a hermit, lol) than I wanted. That was not worth it, even though my parents paid for it so that it would be big enough for all the extended family they wanted to invite. My wedding that will be in May I planned for just under $1000 all costs in. Everything is DIY and so I’m investing far more time than money is making my wedding what I want it to be and I’m only having 30 guests, tops. A wedding like I am planning I personally believe to definitely be worth it, investing time and effort creates memories, where as investing money creates debt (or thoughts of other things that money could be spent on). Basically, when it’s all said and done what you get from it is a memory. What memory do you want? That’s what you need to ask yourself, and then do whatever will create that memory for you. That’s what matters.

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